Sadie's Sweets

Have you ever seen the meme that says something like “tradition - peer pressure from dead people”? Often a rallying cry to make the holiday season easier, it can be applied to kink as well. Only some of the people are not so dead. As in mundane life, strict adherence to “tradition” in BDSM, for the sole purpose of continuing said tradition, can be detrimental to your fetish lifestyle growth. It was for me. I’m here to tell you it doesn’t have to be for you.

I spent way too many years trying to fit the definition of what a Domme should be. In particular older school-ish ways. And that was not, and is not, my style of domination. Trying to fit myself into one particular definition, the “traditional” or “stereotypical” Domme left parts of me withering inside. What it did cultivate was feeling like a fraud. That and some type of dysphoria.

There’s No One True Way

It’s crucial to realize that you are not bound by how things have been done before. The very essence of living your authentic kinky lifestyle  lies in breaking free from the limitations of the past and forging a path that is uniquely your own.

I encourage you to challenge the norms and question established practices. Ask yourself if they’re right for you. Ask others why they follow them. Learn everything you can. Your kinky authenticity  thrives on the spirit of exploration, pushing boundaries, and daring to venture into uncharted territories.

I invite you to reimagine possibilities and create solutions that break away from the constraints of tradition. There is nothing wrong in refusing to conform to the status quo if the status quo is not who you are.

A Freeing Mindset

This mindset encourages a departure from the fear of failure, as it acknowledges that true progress often involves taking risks and charting new courses. Breakthroughs are not born from conformity but from the audacity to pursue unexplored avenues. You only need to discover and be your kinky self. Not sculpt yourself into a mold that someone else has decided is ‘the right way.’

We are inherently creative and capable of transcending the limitations of tradition. So, embrace the freedom to think differently, challenge the norms, and pave the way for you to develop your kinky self unburdened by the constraints of the past.

Start with a question. How can I express my Domme/sub/switch/etc. nature in a way that feels right to me today? I invite you to share in the comments.

In the pursuit of trying new types of BDSM play, the power of the mind is often overlooked. One transformative, safer, and entertaining technique for exploring new ideas is mental rehearsal or roleplay. Visualization, mental rehearsal, and role play are used by serious professionals from musicians to athletes who want to improve their performance. We can also harness the power (and thrill) of this tool to explore new BDSM ideas.

Specifically, in this post I’m thinking of puppy play. Many people have told me they wanted to try it but were too shy to go through with it. I created a series of ASMR audio style roleplays (under the pseudonym MoriKai Momento) where the listener can act out the commands in the comfort and privacy of their own home. It’s a great way to see if it’s something you like. 

The audios involve the vivid envisioning of scenarios related to puppy play as well as physically (or mentally if you prefer) acting out the commands as if you were the puppy in question. Essentially, listeners can picture themselves engaging in the activities or actually do them. By mentally rehearsing these scenarios, or physically playing them out,  you not cultivate a profound connection with your goals,  you can also discover whether this type of play is or is not for you.

What makes this audio combined with role play  so powerful in the realm of puppy play is its capacity to transcend the barriers of doubt and fear. As you mentally rehearse, you build a reservoir of positive experiences, creating a nurturing space for personal growth. This gentle approach to exploration not only aligns with a caring attitude towards oneself but also acts as a catalyst for turning aspirations into reality.

You can find my puppy play series on my non-monetized YouTube channel with the latest one listed here:

I am thrilled to announce the return and reboot of my Talkin’ Taboo podcast after a prolonged hiatus. The journey leading up to this moment has been filled with anticipation, hard work, and a deep-seated passion for sharing meaningful content. I’m truly happy to reintroduce this project that holds a special place in my heart.

In this reboot you can expect a shorter format, fresh modern topics, a refined approach, and an authentic exploration of mindset and embodiment as well as discussion of edgier play types and issues. This new approach promises an enriching experience for both loyal listeners and newcomers alike.

During the hiatus, I took the time to reflect, refine my vision, and explore new ideas to make the podcast even better than before. The process was both challenging and rewarding, as I honed my skills, curated fresh and engaging content, and fine-tuned the overall experience for my listeners. The support and encouragement from my audience during the hiatus fueled my determination to bring back a podcast that not only meets their expectations but exceeds them.

As I hit the play button on the first episode of the rebooted podcast, I look forward to reconnecting with my audience and forging new connections. As always  I eagerly await your feedback and engagement.

This reboot marks a new chapter, one filled with enthusiasm, creativity, and a deep appreciation for the journey that brought the podcast back to life. I am genuinely grateful for the support and patience of my audience, and I cannot wait to embark on this thrilling adventure once again.

If you’d like to get early access to the newest episodes you can DM me for more information.

General release will occur a week later right here on the Cage!

While kink in general tends to place immense pressure on individuals to conform to certain standards of beauty and attractiveness, it's essential to remember that not everyone experiences the same emotions or self-perceptions. Case in point - I almost never feel sexy. I used to wonder if there was something wrong with me. Tbh, I’m not even sure what ‘sexy’ is.

Maybe it’s because I tend to skew demisexual. Or sapiosexual. Maybe it’s because I tend to find tentacle hentai super arousing. Or maybe even I have a gross misconception about what ‘sexy’ actually is. Sometimes I wonder if ‘sexy’ belongs to the elite realm of kink models who meet a more currently stereotypical aesthetic of beauty. 

One Thing I Know For Sure

It’s ok to not feel sexy. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that there is no one true way. In reality even for those who do feel sexy, I know that feeling sexy is not a constant state. It comes and it goes, like all feelings. What I’ve also learned is that I need to focus on what feels good to me. And in that sensing, that feeling I find it’s more important to embrace the concept of sensuality.

Feeling sensual is a deeply personal and empowering experience. Sometimes for me, feeling sexy is associated with external validation and societal expectations. Alternatively for me,  sensuality is about connecting deeply with my inner self and experiencing the world through my  senses. It's about being in tune with my body, emotions, and desires, rather than conforming to any external ideal.

Sensuality

Sensuality invites you to explore your physicality and embrace the pleasures of being in your own skin. It's about enjoying the way your body moves, feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin, or reveling in the simple sensations of fingers (yours or someone else’s) running along your skin. It's about savoring the textures, scents, tastes, and sounds that make life beautiful.

Sometimes by shifting your focus from feeling "sexy" to feeling "sensual," you can free yourself from the unrealistic expectations (any expectations other than your own) of what a Domme, sub, switch, kinkster, etc. should be or look like. It allows you to appreciate the unique and intimate connection you have with your own body, fostering self-love and acceptance.

It's important to remember that sensuality is not bound by age, body type, or appearance. It's a state of mind and a way of experiencing the world that can be empowering at any stage of life. So, if you don't feel sexy, that's perfectly okay. Instead, embrace the sensuality that's inherently within you, and you'll discover a deeper, more fulfilling connection to your true self as well as your kinky self.

Do you feel sexy? What is sexy to you? I invite you to share in the comments.

Note: This is written from my POV. Please swap in appropriate pronouns for yourself.

No, I’m not talking about masturbation, although I do enjoy that too. I’m also not talking about looking in the mirror, cupping my plentiful breasts and telling myself how luscious my melons are - although that may or may not happen occasionally. What I am talking about is physically showing love to my body. Loving it. Checking in with her and asking her what she wants.

Brain AND Body

We’re a very brain focused society. We work on our mindsets, our positive affirmations, our prayers and what not. These are all wonderful things. Sometimes, though, they don’t get to the core of what we need. A large part of self love does include gazing in the mirror and telling yourself you love you and your beautiful. Also telling ourselves that we need to eat a vegetable and shoving something green into our mouths. And still, there’s an age old adage…

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Often you need to show your body that you love her. And that begins with listening. Does something hurt? Maybe skip the “pills and a power through” approach and do some gentle exercises to strengthen or stretch the part that needs it. Does your body crave rest? Give it to her. Movement? Move! Listen to what your body has to say and deliver the goods.

The other night my body was craving a long, hot soak. I gave it to her. Usually, I’m pressed for time and just do a quick shower. But that night I put the rush aside and I loved my body. Gave her exactly what she wanted. Soaking followed by a bout with the Korean Scrubby Cloths that I love so much. I so rarely use the cloths properly, but that night I did. Soak, scrub, soak.

How do you love your body? Let me know in the comments. 

A munch is more than just a vetting opportunity in our kinky lives; it's an opportunity to connect, share, and savor moments with others. As someone who loves the art of hosting, I've discovered the immense joy in leading both large and small munches. Each type of gathering brings its unique charm, and today, I want to share why I cherish them both.

Small munches, with their intimate setting, offer a chance to dive deep into meaningful conversations and if the location allows, kinky convos too. Whether it's meeting a few new people or a few long-time friends gathered around the table, these moments allow for genuine connections. You can explore topics that matter, share stories, and truly engage with one another.

On the other hand, large munches are a whole different experience. They are a testament to the power of community and the joy of bringing people together. The energy in the room when a big munch is underway is electric. Shared laughter and chatter create an atmosphere of celebration. Leading these gatherings requires a bit of planning and organization, from seating arrangements to circulating around to meet everyone. It's a challenge I eagerly embrace, as the sense of accomplishment when everything comes together seamlessly is immensely rewarding.

In the end, whether it's an intimate gathering or a boisterous meetup, my love for leading munches comes from the belief that sharing a meal is a universal act of bonding. Food has the power to bring people together and I cherish every moment I get to facilitate these connections. So, whether it’s a cozy muncheon attended by a few or a jam-packed venue, both have their unique charm, and each is an opportunity to create lasting memories and meaningful connections.

What do you love about leading or attending munches? What do you love about large and small munches?

Ever since I was a little Sadie I’ve been fascinated with hypnosis, psychic abilities, mentalism, magic (both illusion and real), and the powers of the mind. No surprise then, that when I got involved in kink I’d also be delighted to discover the many ways that we can enhance our sensual experiences with our brains. The brain is, after all, the biggest sex organ in our bodies. 

To be honest, for the longest time I’ve been rather shy about discussing erotic hypnosis. A lot of people around me condemned it for being manipulative. Sometimes it’s really hard to tell the boundaries of honest concern, kink shaming, and ignorance, and I stayed silent. I’ve done a lot of shadow work/personal growth and I don’t let kink shaming bother me as much (no one’s perfect!) and if I discover ignorance, I do my best to educate. And honest concern is always welcome.

I’ve studied hypnosis nearly all my life informally, and received a certificate for formal study in 2019. I continue my study and practice and I love it. In becoming more vocal about hypno-kink I created a YouTube channel for it and have over a thousand subscribers. 

So, What Can It Do For You?

With hypnotic techniques you can sensitize the skin of your partner. Like running your fingers over the skin or switching from cool to warm items, the words you whisper into your partner’s ear can help focus their attention on their skin, intensifying the effects of whatever type of play you’re doing. With additional skill you can increase and decrease the amount of sensation that they feel.

Another thing you can do with erotic hypnosis is deepen your partner’s feeling of submission. As a Top or Domme using self-hypnosis you can deepen your feelings of both confidence and dominance. Imagine taking yourself and your partner to a scene where you can both feel unquestionably in your moment, and return safely to reality at the end of the scene. Pure bliss!

Like the world of BDSM itself, hypnosis can give you the permission you need to release your inhibitions - things that hold you back from enjoying the play you truly want to enjoy. Releasing you from feelings of shame. Because ultimately, there is no shame in what it is that we do, the way we play. So, enjoy yourself, and use every tool you can to enhance that pleasure!

Have you tried erotic hypnosis? Let me know in the comments.

If you want to learn more about how to use erotic hypnosis in your own scenes join me for the Hypno Kink 101 Online Class listed in TheCage event listings.

Past trauma can significantly impact current BDSM scenes, creating complex dynamics that require careful consideration and sensitivity. When participants carry unresolved trauma, the experience can trigger intense emotional reactions and hinder their ability to fully engage in the activities. This is one of the many reasons that it’s important to identify and account for potential triggers when negotiating a scene.

Trauma can manifest in a variety of ways during BDSM scenes. For survivors, certain actions, words, or power dynamics may inadvertently trigger memories or emotions associated with their past traumas. This can lead to distress, anxiety, dissociation, or even retraumatization. Trust is a fundamental element of BDSM, and past experiences of betrayal or violation can make it challenging for individuals to surrender control, relinquish power, or take and receive power and control, because it can trigger a sense of vulnerability reminiscent of their traumatic experiences.

Communication becomes crucial in navigating BDSM scenes with a history of trauma. Open and honest conversations about triggers, boundaries, and safe words are essential to ensure that all parties involved feel secure and respected. Trauma-informed practices, such as checking in frequently and prioritizing aftercare, are necessary to create a safe environment for healing and exploration. Planning ahead is key in this process and in negotiations. It allows you to foresee what might go wrong and plan for what to do if it does.

The intersection of past trauma and BDSM scenes is a complex terrain that requires sensitivity, communication, and understanding. It's essential for all parties involved to approach scene negotiations with empathy and awareness, recognizing the potential triggers and challenges that may arise. By fostering an environment of trust, communication, and mutual consent, individuals can negotiate for seamless scenes.

If you want to learn more about how to negotiate exciting and powerful scenes join me for the Negotiation For Seamless Scenes Online Class check out the listing here on TheCage.co

We negotiate tens of times per day if not more. Often, we don't even know we're in a negotiation. When we aren't aware of the negotiation skills we need we are left at a distinct disadvantage. Let's be real - it's rare to find a person who is focused on your best interest, besides yourself of course. This is why empowering yourself with negotiation skills is important in life as well as your BDSM scenes. 

Negotiation is Communication

At its heart, negotiation is simply communication. Structured communication, but communication nonetheless. Communication is at the core of BDSM relationships, so it's valuable to take time to learn these skills. Contrary to popular belief, not everyone is a great communicator. Just because you're born speaking a language doesn't mean you can convey the nuances of the meaning you want to get across. The massive amount of personal development books focused on negotiation is testament to individuals needing to learn these skills.

Negotiation and BDSM

If I can give you one tip for negotiating a stellar scene with a new or new to you partner it would be this: negotiate to yes only. This means that during the scene you only do what was a clear "yes" in negotiations. They'll be time for pushing limits and surprises later. In your first scene with someone you're laying down the foundation for what will hopefully be a long play relationship. Take your time and enjoy!

What’s the best scene negotiation tip you have? Feel free to share in the comments!

If you want to learn more about how to negotiate exciting and powerful scenes join me for the Negotiation For Seamless Scenes Online Class listed in the Events section right here on TheCage.co!

Consent needs to be clear, definitive, and intentional. It doesn't need to be enthusiastic. A contested view, I dare say. However, requiring consent to be enthusiastic does a disservice to a lot of people, not to mention that enthusiasm can look different on different people.

A person on my Facebook said something to the effect of, paraphrasing: “We live in a world of enthusiastic consent now.”

No. No we don’t. I believe we should live in a world of consent, for sure, but in reality we do not. To tell other people otherwise is to not only mislead them, but also diminish their capacity for informed consent and informed risk assessment. 

A quick Google search will give you articles and books on “how to get past no,” “how to get to yes.” and so on. From sales people to health care workers, employees of all types are trained to push past someone’s “no”. This is reality and trying to sweep it under the rug leaves more people vulnerable than it helps. We can, we must hold both reality and our goal for reality in our minds at the same time and plan accordingly. 

Requiring consent to be enthusiastic may put unnecessary limitations on those who are neurodivergent, have cultural differences, or are not exactly the ‘enthusiastic’ type. Some people simply cannot or will not express enthusiasm in a stereotypically socio normative way and it doesn't seem fair to gatekeep them because of it.

Or perhaps my partner has a mighty need to have sex with me but I’m not in the mood. However, I love my partner and I want to satisfy their need. My consent will be clear, but it’s not really going to be enthusiastic. I still want to have sex - just not at the I-just-snorted-two-pixie-styx-one-in-each-nostral-jumping-up-and-down-fuck-me-fuck-me-now kind of intensity level.

Epic levels of enthusiasm are not needed for clear, definitive, and intentions consent. And, while it can be fun, you don’t need to be over the top enthusiastic to have consensual sex.

How enthusiastically do you consent to sex? Share in the comments if you desire.

If you want to learn more about consent and how to enforce your boundaries check out my event listing here on TheCage.co!