Sadie's Sweets

A munch is more than just a vetting opportunity in our kinky lives; it's an opportunity to connect, share, and savor moments with others. As someone who loves the art of hosting, I've discovered the immense joy in leading both large and small munches. Each type of gathering brings its unique charm, and today, I want to share why I cherish them both.

Small munches, with their intimate setting, offer a chance to dive deep into meaningful conversations and if the location allows, kinky convos too. Whether it's meeting a few new people or a few long-time friends gathered around the table, these moments allow for genuine connections. You can explore topics that matter, share stories, and truly engage with one another.

On the other hand, large munches are a whole different experience. They are a testament to the power of community and the joy of bringing people together. The energy in the room when a big munch is underway is electric. Shared laughter and chatter create an atmosphere of celebration. Leading these gatherings requires a bit of planning and organization, from seating arrangements to circulating around to meet everyone. It's a challenge I eagerly embrace, as the sense of accomplishment when everything comes together seamlessly is immensely rewarding.

In the end, whether it's an intimate gathering or a boisterous meetup, my love for leading munches comes from the belief that sharing a meal is a universal act of bonding. Food has the power to bring people together and I cherish every moment I get to facilitate these connections. So, whether it’s a cozy muncheon attended by a few or a jam-packed venue, both have their unique charm, and each is an opportunity to create lasting memories and meaningful connections.

What do you love about leading or attending munches? What do you love about large and small munches?

Ever since I was a little Sadie I’ve been fascinated with hypnosis, psychic abilities, mentalism, magic (both illusion and real), and the powers of the mind. No surprise then, that when I got involved in kink I’d also be delighted to discover the many ways that we can enhance our sensual experiences with our brains. The brain is, after all, the biggest sex organ in our bodies. 

To be honest, for the longest time I’ve been rather shy about discussing erotic hypnosis. A lot of people around me condemned it for being manipulative. Sometimes it’s really hard to tell the boundaries of honest concern, kink shaming, and ignorance, and I stayed silent. I’ve done a lot of shadow work/personal growth and I don’t let kink shaming bother me as much (no one’s perfect!) and if I discover ignorance, I do my best to educate. And honest concern is always welcome.

I’ve studied hypnosis nearly all my life informally, and received a certificate for formal study in 2019. I continue my study and practice and I love it. In becoming more vocal about hypno-kink I created a YouTube channel for it and have over a thousand subscribers. 

So, What Can It Do For You?

With hypnotic techniques you can sensitize the skin of your partner. Like running your fingers over the skin or switching from cool to warm items, the words you whisper into your partner’s ear can help focus their attention on their skin, intensifying the effects of whatever type of play you’re doing. With additional skill you can increase and decrease the amount of sensation that they feel.

Another thing you can do with erotic hypnosis is deepen your partner’s feeling of submission. As a Top or Domme using self-hypnosis you can deepen your feelings of both confidence and dominance. Imagine taking yourself and your partner to a scene where you can both feel unquestionably in your moment, and return safely to reality at the end of the scene. Pure bliss!

Like the world of BDSM itself, hypnosis can give you the permission you need to release your inhibitions - things that hold you back from enjoying the play you truly want to enjoy. Releasing you from feelings of shame. Because ultimately, there is no shame in what it is that we do, the way we play. So, enjoy yourself, and use every tool you can to enhance that pleasure!

Have you tried erotic hypnosis? Let me know in the comments.

If you want to learn more about how to use erotic hypnosis in your own scenes join me for the Hypno Kink 101 Online Class listed in TheCage event listings.

Past trauma can significantly impact current BDSM scenes, creating complex dynamics that require careful consideration and sensitivity. When participants carry unresolved trauma, the experience can trigger intense emotional reactions and hinder their ability to fully engage in the activities. This is one of the many reasons that it’s important to identify and account for potential triggers when negotiating a scene.

Trauma can manifest in a variety of ways during BDSM scenes. For survivors, certain actions, words, or power dynamics may inadvertently trigger memories or emotions associated with their past traumas. This can lead to distress, anxiety, dissociation, or even retraumatization. Trust is a fundamental element of BDSM, and past experiences of betrayal or violation can make it challenging for individuals to surrender control, relinquish power, or take and receive power and control, because it can trigger a sense of vulnerability reminiscent of their traumatic experiences.

Communication becomes crucial in navigating BDSM scenes with a history of trauma. Open and honest conversations about triggers, boundaries, and safe words are essential to ensure that all parties involved feel secure and respected. Trauma-informed practices, such as checking in frequently and prioritizing aftercare, are necessary to create a safe environment for healing and exploration. Planning ahead is key in this process and in negotiations. It allows you to foresee what might go wrong and plan for what to do if it does.

The intersection of past trauma and BDSM scenes is a complex terrain that requires sensitivity, communication, and understanding. It's essential for all parties involved to approach scene negotiations with empathy and awareness, recognizing the potential triggers and challenges that may arise. By fostering an environment of trust, communication, and mutual consent, individuals can negotiate for seamless scenes.

If you want to learn more about how to negotiate exciting and powerful scenes join me for the Negotiation For Seamless Scenes Online Class check out the listing here on TheCage.co

We negotiate tens of times per day if not more. Often, we don't even know we're in a negotiation. When we aren't aware of the negotiation skills we need we are left at a distinct disadvantage. Let's be real - it's rare to find a person who is focused on your best interest, besides yourself of course. This is why empowering yourself with negotiation skills is important in life as well as your BDSM scenes. 

Negotiation is Communication

At its heart, negotiation is simply communication. Structured communication, but communication nonetheless. Communication is at the core of BDSM relationships, so it's valuable to take time to learn these skills. Contrary to popular belief, not everyone is a great communicator. Just because you're born speaking a language doesn't mean you can convey the nuances of the meaning you want to get across. The massive amount of personal development books focused on negotiation is testament to individuals needing to learn these skills.

Negotiation and BDSM

If I can give you one tip for negotiating a stellar scene with a new or new to you partner it would be this: negotiate to yes only. This means that during the scene you only do what was a clear "yes" in negotiations. They'll be time for pushing limits and surprises later. In your first scene with someone you're laying down the foundation for what will hopefully be a long play relationship. Take your time and enjoy!

What’s the best scene negotiation tip you have? Feel free to share in the comments!

If you want to learn more about how to negotiate exciting and powerful scenes join me for the Negotiation For Seamless Scenes Online Class listed in the Events section right here on TheCage.co!

Consent needs to be clear, definitive, and intentional. It doesn't need to be enthusiastic. A contested view, I dare say. However, requiring consent to be enthusiastic does a disservice to a lot of people, not to mention that enthusiasm can look different on different people.

A person on my Facebook said something to the effect of, paraphrasing: “We live in a world of enthusiastic consent now.”

No. No we don’t. I believe we should live in a world of consent, for sure, but in reality we do not. To tell other people otherwise is to not only mislead them, but also diminish their capacity for informed consent and informed risk assessment. 

A quick Google search will give you articles and books on “how to get past no,” “how to get to yes.” and so on. From sales people to health care workers, employees of all types are trained to push past someone’s “no”. This is reality and trying to sweep it under the rug leaves more people vulnerable than it helps. We can, we must hold both reality and our goal for reality in our minds at the same time and plan accordingly. 

Requiring consent to be enthusiastic may put unnecessary limitations on those who are neurodivergent, have cultural differences, or are not exactly the ‘enthusiastic’ type. Some people simply cannot or will not express enthusiasm in a stereotypically socio normative way and it doesn't seem fair to gatekeep them because of it.

Or perhaps my partner has a mighty need to have sex with me but I’m not in the mood. However, I love my partner and I want to satisfy their need. My consent will be clear, but it’s not really going to be enthusiastic. I still want to have sex - just not at the I-just-snorted-two-pixie-styx-one-in-each-nostral-jumping-up-and-down-fuck-me-fuck-me-now kind of intensity level.

Epic levels of enthusiasm are not needed for clear, definitive, and intentions consent. And, while it can be fun, you don’t need to be over the top enthusiastic to have consensual sex.

How enthusiastically do you consent to sex? Share in the comments if you desire.

If you want to learn more about consent and how to enforce your boundaries check out my event listing here on TheCage.co!

It’s a mystery to me where I fall on the Poly Continuum. I’d always thought that I was a monogamous person. In fact, when filling out my profile I initially chose monogamous. I joined a group to connect with other monogamous people only to find out that according to them, I wasn’t. So I left that group with no hard feelings because it’s their group, their rules.

It did leave me wondering though which bucket I fell into. They believed that to be monogamous you had to do everything with your one partner. Well, I played with several people at the time, still do, and probably always will to some extent. So I took monogamous off my profile.

Even so, I didn’t feel comfortable putting Poly on my profile. It just didn’t feel completely true for me. At least not from what I was reading. In time, I did an amazing Podcast interview with D20Domme (check out podcasts here on thecage) and learned a bit about Polyandry and that seems to suit me well. 

For many years I struggled with labels. I don’t anymore. I’m me and that’s it. While I currently, technically practice Polyandry I still don’t identify as Poly. And that’s ok. I’m still learning and growing. 

How do you relate to Polyamory? Feel free to share in the comments.

Curious about Polyamory? We’re reading and discussing “Polysecure” by Jessica Fern. (Check out events here on thecage).

Some years ago, I wore a horror cosplay to a playparty. I was one of the people running the party and the cosplay I chose did fit the party’s theme. Near the end of the party one of the elders in the community took me aside and said what amounted to (paraphrasing) – your cosplay is disgusting, you’re disgusting, and you shouldn’t show up like this.

Unfortunately, I bought into the This-Is-The-Way-It’s-Done mentality, set aside my agency, and took it to heart. I didn’t wear cosplay to a party for a long, long time. I was trying to be what everyone wanted. To make the parties the best they could be. Often, I was doing it at my own expense.

It took me a while, a lot of thought work, and some very supportive people in my life to learn that what that elder had said was an opinion. And, elder or no, I didn’t have to abide by it.  It’s shaped me quite a bit and I actively encourage people to be themselves, live the lifestyle as it suits them. We’re not supposed to be kink shaming anyway.

Sometimes, now, when similar things happen, I strive to view the situation as if I were a scientist observing the behavior of an interesting subject. This gives me the distance I need to evaluate the information available and then I CHOOSE whether it’s something I want to incorporate in my life.

How do you handle these types of challenges? Let me know in the comments!

Check out the Cage.co calendar to see my upcoming events!

For the longest time as a Top I used to suck it up and tough it out. For so long I feel for that garbage believe that Tops must be Tuff ™. Now, I reach out to the bottom that I played with for comfort. To check in and make sure I’m not a monster for the things I said. Even though everything is consensual, when those endorphins disappear, you can start to question yourself and that is 100% normal.

Recently, I’ve also had comfort food around to help sooth me. I love broth, even in the summer, and that is a really comforting feeling to sip on scalding hot tomato broth.

One thing I plan to try going forward is naming 5 things I see in my environment. To remind myself that nothing bad is currently happening to me, that this is just a thought driven/brain chemical response. Or, if you have Pagan leanings like I do, to ground/Earth myself.

What do you do to manage your sub/Top drop? Let me know in the comments!

Check out the Events section here on The Cage to see my current events!

From the first day I walked into a Dungeon, BDSM has improved my self-esteem. Just being surrounded by people who were interested in the same -at the time I thought 'weird' - stuff as I was made me feel like I belonged.

As a person of size, I felt welcomed. Some people were overtly attracted to my body and that was refreshing. Most people were interested in my mind and my perversions and simply accepted my body as a part of that. This was also wonderful.

Most of all, BDSM helped me to understand that nothing was wrong with me. And that greatly improved my self-esteem.

What about you?

How does the way you communicate in your BDSM relationships influence the way you communicate in your mundane relationships?

For me, it's consent. I am hyper aware of all the little ways people in the mundane world have no respect for consent. From "awww come on" from one friend to another who doesn't want to have a beer or to a family member who nags "just stay a little longer" when another family member says they have to leave, people are constantly trying to control you. From spending so much time in BDSM I've come to expect people to respect my "no" so it's always shocking out in the mundane world when people just try to steam roll my "no".

What about you?