Sadie's Sweets

It’s a mystery to me where I fall on the Poly Continuum. I’d always thought that I was a monogamous person. In fact, when filling out my profile I initially chose monogamous. I joined a group to connect with other monogamous people only to find out that according to them, I wasn’t. So I left that group with no hard feelings because it’s their group, their rules.

It did leave me wondering though which bucket I fell into. They believed that to be monogamous you had to do everything with your one partner. Well, I played with several people at the time, still do, and probably always will to some extent. So I took monogamous off my profile.

Even so, I didn’t feel comfortable putting Poly on my profile. It just didn’t feel completely true for me. At least not from what I was reading. In time, I did an amazing Podcast interview with D20Domme (check out podcasts here on thecage) and learned a bit about Polyandry and that seems to suit me well. 

For many years I struggled with labels. I don’t anymore. I’m me and that’s it. While I currently, technically practice Polyandry I still don’t identify as Poly. And that’s ok. I’m still learning and growing. 

How do you relate to Polyamory? Feel free to share in the comments.

Curious about Polyamory? We’re reading and discussing “Polysecure” by Jessica Fern. (Check out events here on thecage).

Some years ago, I wore a horror cosplay to a playparty. I was one of the people running the party and the cosplay I chose did fit the party’s theme. Near the end of the party one of the elders in the community took me aside and said what amounted to (paraphrasing) – your cosplay is disgusting, you’re disgusting, and you shouldn’t show up like this.

Unfortunately, I bought into the This-Is-The-Way-It’s-Done mentality, set aside my agency, and took it to heart. I didn’t wear cosplay to a party for a long, long time. I was trying to be what everyone wanted. To make the parties the best they could be. Often, I was doing it at my own expense.

It took me a while, a lot of thought work, and some very supportive people in my life to learn that what that elder had said was an opinion. And, elder or no, I didn’t have to abide by it.  It’s shaped me quite a bit and I actively encourage people to be themselves, live the lifestyle as it suits them. We’re not supposed to be kink shaming anyway.

Sometimes, now, when similar things happen, I strive to view the situation as if I were a scientist observing the behavior of an interesting subject. This gives me the distance I need to evaluate the information available and then I CHOOSE whether it’s something I want to incorporate in my life.

How do you handle these types of challenges? Let me know in the comments!

Check out the Cage.co calendar to see my upcoming events!

For the longest time as a Top I used to suck it up and tough it out. For so long I feel for that garbage believe that Tops must be Tuff ™. Now, I reach out to the bottom that I played with for comfort. To check in and make sure I’m not a monster for the things I said. Even though everything is consensual, when those endorphins disappear, you can start to question yourself and that is 100% normal.

Recently, I’ve also had comfort food around to help sooth me. I love broth, even in the summer, and that is a really comforting feeling to sip on scalding hot tomato broth.

One thing I plan to try going forward is naming 5 things I see in my environment. To remind myself that nothing bad is currently happening to me, that this is just a thought driven/brain chemical response. Or, if you have Pagan leanings like I do, to ground/Earth myself.

What do you do to manage your sub/Top drop? Let me know in the comments!

Check out the Events section here on The Cage to see my current events!

From the first day I walked into a Dungeon, BDSM has improved my self-esteem. Just being surrounded by people who were interested in the same -at the time I thought 'weird' - stuff as I was made me feel like I belonged.

As a person of size, I felt welcomed. Some people were overtly attracted to my body and that was refreshing. Most people were interested in my mind and my perversions and simply accepted my body as a part of that. This was also wonderful.

Most of all, BDSM helped me to understand that nothing was wrong with me. And that greatly improved my self-esteem.

What about you?

How does the way you communicate in your BDSM relationships influence the way you communicate in your mundane relationships?

For me, it's consent. I am hyper aware of all the little ways people in the mundane world have no respect for consent. From "awww come on" from one friend to another who doesn't want to have a beer or to a family member who nags "just stay a little longer" when another family member says they have to leave, people are constantly trying to control you. From spending so much time in BDSM I've come to expect people to respect my "no" so it's always shocking out in the mundane world when people just try to steam roll my "no".

What about you?

When entering a scene, it can be good to let go and be fully yourself. What’s one thing you let go of?

I let go of societal and my own preconceived notions of how a Domme “should” be and let my natural dominance flow.

What about you?

What do you let go of?

What would you like to let go of in the future?

This is true for my munch and probably many others.

Be able to say and receive “no”

This munch is best enjoyed when you are able to say and receive a “no.” Whether the issue is simple or complex being able to say “no” is important. From “can I have one of your French fries” to “I’m sorry, I’m not interested” it’s expected that “no” (if applicable) will be said and received graciously.

Be considerate

This munch is a social event and as such as many people as possible should be able to enjoy it. Share the speaking time. Allow people to finish their sentences. Be kind. Be inclusive.

Be your expectation

Your energy contributes greatly to the ambiance of this munch. If you’d like a warm welcoming munch do your best to be warm and welcoming. If you’d like a calm, introspective munch, embody that.

Be respectful

Everyone is coming in with different goals and energies. Please try to match or respect those energies while staying true to your own goals and energies.

Your Feisty FemDom wants to hypnotize you to be an object. Since it's the Yuletide Season... you'll be her candle holder. Happy Holidays!

Listen Here:

CW: Hypnosis, Conversational induction, light suggestions of relaxation, suggestions of experiencing overwhelming submission and objectification, gentle wake up at the end delivered in story format. This is your safe place to explore your submissive tendencies.

Hypnosis (make sure you're in a safe place) with a very soft wakeup at the end.

You want it. You need it. But let's be real... do you even know how to get it? Time to get schooled by your ever loving Domme.

Listen Here:

CW: Hypnosis, Conversational induction, light suggestions of relaxation, suggestions of experiencing overwhelming submission to be given to me/your Dominant, gentle wake up at the end delivered in story format. . This is your safe place to explore your submissive tendencies.

Hypnosis (make sure you're in a safe place) with a very soft wakeup at the end.

Willfulness is disgusting in a sub. Don't worry. I'll extract it from you transforming you into my good little subby.

Listen Here:

Hypnosis: Conversational induction, light suggestions of relaxation, suggestions of experiencing overwhelming desire to obey me/your Dominant, gentle wake up at the end delivered in story format. This is your safe place to explore your submissive tendencies.

Have fun!