The blogging blogger

Because this is what I am listening to while I flash you my innocent smile 😀

You don't wanna see me bratty
Pet the kitty, call me catty
Make your man call me daddy
He talk too much, he's too chatty (not cool)
CEO, I'm savvy
Respect a bitch, I'm a maverick
Flexible, so elastic
But don't do you dare bend a bitch backwards
Fuck a princess, I'm a king
Bow down and kiss on my ring
Being a bitch is my kink
What the fuck else did you think?
Fuck a princess, I'm a king
Bow down and kiss on my ring
It's gonna hurt, it'll sting
Spittin' your blood in the sink
I'm crazy, but you like that, I bite back
Daisies on your nightstand, never forget it
I blossom in the moonlight, screw eyes
Glacial with the blue ice, I'm terrifying
I'm no Cinderella, but I like the shoes
Big glass platforms, bitch, I'm choosy
Long blue hair, blue as a bruise
Only trust a fella for some light amusement
I'm no prey, but I am pursued
Pray for me, Nana, on the church's pews
No dickstraction can confuse me
Whiskey in my hip flask, nothing fruity
Fuck a princess, I'm a king
Bow down and kiss on my ring
Being a bitch is my kink
What the fuck else did you think?
Fuck a princess, I'm a king
Bow down and kiss on my ring
It's gonna hurt, it'll sting
Spittin' your blood in the sink
I'm crazy, but you like that, I bite back
Daisies on your nightstand, never forget it
I blossom in the moonlight, screw eyes
Glacial with the blue ice, I'm terrifying
I'm crazy, but you like that, I bite back
Daisies on your nightstand, never forget it
I blossom in the moonlight, screw eyes
Glacial with the blue ice, I'm terrifying
La, la, la
La, la, la
La, la, la
La, la
I'm terrifying
La, la, la
La, la, la
La, la, la
La, la
I'm terrifying

I guess I'm here to let out what has been on my mind for a little while now. I got pregnant at 25. Now I am 34. It was accidental. I don't even think I even wanted kids, but my current partner did and he got his way. I remember when I first met him we were drinking. Alcohol is like my release because in person I am inhibited. I tend to be shy and cautious. Well that night we were drinking and one thing led to another and as Elaine says in Senfield, "yada, yada, yada." And you pretty much know the rest. Then we met up again about a week later and I wasn't blasted out of my mind and I realized to my horror that he didn't use a condom this 2nd time we met and I vaguely remember asking him if he used a condom the first time and he said he did, but now I knew he was lying. And because of that lie I got pregnant. I went to Planned Parenthood and took a pregnancy test and it was negative and they gave me a Depo shot which is what I am on now. Then I felt the symptoms a few weeks later and I knew there was a baby growing inside me. I do remember the first time I got emotional right away he said to get an abortion. I was horrified. I didn't want to, I was scared, I thought I would bleed out or something not understanding how they work so I kept our baby. I don't know why I am mentioning this I guess because I feel stupid for being so gullible and being easily manipulated. I feel like I'm still very naive in a lot of ways still.

May the 4th Be With You!

I just needed some help writing a scene. The story I'm writing is basically the woman is working at a new job, she does janitorial work, it's set in the 1940's, and she has big love obsession with the head of one of the departments. She's kind of shy and does what she is told. The guy she likes is handsome, but he has a quick temper. She has to clean one of his offices that he keeps private. She starts looking around at his private office and she is caught off guard by his presence. Now the next scene I guess I am trying to figure out how to give it some kind of sexual tension. Maybe she should have a lot of thoughts/fantasies going on in her head of what she would want him to do to her. Not sure where to go next, some ideas would be great, thanks!

Today I finished a 300 page romance novel. In one day. I haven't read a romance novel in a long time actually. I'm reading so I could improve my writing as I have a lot of work to do. That's all I wanted to share today.

Getting to know you...getting to know all about you..

1. My favorite childhood toy:
My glow-in-the-dark lego-type blocks I had

2. Favorite album:
Metallica-Metallica-also known as The Black Album

3. Favorite childhood tv show:
Gargoyles

4. First film at the cinema:
Jurassic Park

5. First crush celebrity and personal
Val Kilmer  ❣️

6. Favorite animal:

Hummingbird

7. Favorite film

V for Vendetta

8. First kiss who and where:
Nelson, in his car

9. First real contact with kink world:
Not yet

10. Only one person to be left on an Island with for a year, without any technology:
No one

So the story I have been writing is inspired by a game called Bendy and the Ink Machine. I used phrases from the game and most the characters from the game, but I added the sexual elements and other characteristics that were not mentioned in the game.

And since today is April 18, it is known in the Bendy universe as Sammy Lawrence's birthday as Chapter 2 of the game came out on this day 4 years ago and in Chapter 2 is when you first meet his character so with that, Happy Birthday Sammy!!!

His inkiness was dissipating from his body. At least on half of his body. Messy blonde hair started to appear behind the mask as well as an ear. One hand now had five slender fingers instead of four. The mask he wore tilted slightly downwards as if his head shape had changed a bit. His thin face was partly exposed, showing a stubbled, pointed chin, a thin nose, and a blue eye. Although he was looking more like a human, he still looked strange in his half-inky form. Marie, not knowing what to make of her inky captor, smacked that wretched mask away from his face with her one free hand. It flew a few feet away from the cot. “Don’t look at me!” Sammy yelled as he put his head in his hands in shame, but then he looked up suddenly at his hands and then at Marie. “What-how am I-?” “Half-human,” Marie finished in astonishment. While Marie wanted to take in all that she saw, she noticed the ax propped up on a wooden post. She wriggled her other hand free and with the hope that Henry was still alive, it gave her the strength to run to the ax and try to grab at it. Sammy was too fast though. “No, you don’t! Get back on the bed,” he grabbed the ax and pointed it at her. Marie was wide-eyed and frightened while she sat quickly on the cot. “But...but...Henry-” “Henry is no more! The ink demon got him!” Sammy maniacally yelled. “No, no! It’s not true,” Marie cried. “Horrible, insufferable monster you!” Marie wept more. Sammy broke the silence. “It’s not my fault, it’s Joey Drew’s. My old boss. He had this...machine...the ink...ah...it’s hard for me to remember...too long ago. I don’t even know who I am anymore. All I know is...I’ve...I’ve made some very bad choices. It’s like the ink had taken control of me then. I know I was a human, a composer, a loyal worker, but over time I turned into something else. Something unrecognizable.” Sammy sat next to Marie. Being next to someone who was half ink, half-human was very strange, even weirder than him being a full-on ink person. Plus, she couldn’t get that undeniably erotic moment out of her head. She was probably overthinking it, but she didn’t understand herself and why her body seemed to want to go with everything Sammy wanted to do to her. He seemed unstable, yet, his humanity was coming through in some way, shape, or form. “What I don’t understand is why am I half ink?” Sammy pondered. “Nevermind, you got your bandages undone. Guess, I’ll have to do them again.” Sammy got more bandages from a first aid kit nearby. “Please, stop treating me like a prisoner. I just want to know if he is okay.” Marie gestured to the area she last saw Henry. “Shhh”, Sammy said. He put more bandages. Besides tying her hands extra tight, he also put the bandages around her waist area and tied her body to the bed. All this bondage caused her dress to inch up quite a bit. “I’ll be back.” Marie heard the sound of boots drift away from the infirmary. Now what? Marie thought. How could I fail Henry? How could I be such a bad partner to him? How could I even be tempted by someone so...psychotic? What the hell was an ink demon and what did it do to Henry? All the questions ran through Marie’s mind. It made her ill. She just laid on the bed too full of emotion to utter a sound. 

Shortly, footsteps were heard as well as a confused muttering. Then Sammy came into the room and yelled, “The coffin is gone! It went through the damn floor!” Marie lifted her head up and meekly said, “What?” “It’s gone! His coffin! I don’t know what happened to it! The ink demon took it! His body should have been destroyed, it should have been-” Sammy stopped his monologue. He was starting to realize he was torturing the poor girl with not only his actions but his words. He looked at his human hand again incredulously and thought if the ink demon took him to the lower level that would mean...Alice! But why? The ink demon needs a sacrifice to make me become human. There should have been blood, a mangled body...something! I remember how I gave up Norman Polk as a penance. The ink demon seemed pleased with my action. This is not right. Something seems different. Could it be...this woman in front of me? Is this lady to key to my freedom...my salvation? 

“What is your name?” Sammy asked calmly.  “Ma-ma, Marie...please...just tell me what happened to Henry? What happened to him?” Sammy took a deep breath. “I don’t know. None of this makes sense. He’s somewhere else, he’s below us. With a fall like that, I doubt he is alive, although...” Sammy continued, “a woman named Alice Angel is below us. On the off chance that your man-” “Henry!” Marie interjected. “On the off chance that Henry survived that fall, Alice will make sure he feels welcome.” Marie scowled. “She was an...old friend of mine,” Sammy said noticing the expression on Marie’s face. “She got corrupted like me, except that the ink demon got to her face. She’s obsessed with making herself look beautiful. She thought she was the actual Alice Angel character. I always felt bad. Maybe it was my fault for her fate, I don’t know.” “She sounds lovely,” Marie said sardonically. “She was back in the day,” Sammy continued, “in fact, she reminds me of you when I first started to know her.” Sammy kneeled by the cot and pleaded, “Marie, please give me a chance, if we could get to know each other more, it could be something special.” All of a sudden Marie spat in Sammy’s face. “Never!” She shrieked. Sammy wiped the spit away from his face. Marie suddenly realized the gravity of her action. Sammy gave this look like the devil himself had possessed him, but then he mashed her lips against hers like he was trying to destroy her mouth. “That hurt, you fuck!” Marie yelled through gritted teeth and watery eyes. She was trying very hard to be as angry and obstinate as possible. Perhaps her facade was not so great as Sammy then took her opinion and gently kissed her lips instead, sneakily gliding his tongue in her mouth. Surprisingly, his tongue didn’t feel so inky. Shit. She let her guard down and felt that same electricity pulsing through her body. She found herself flicking her tongue against his. Why did it feel so damn good?  She was having sex just a few hours ago with her beloved Henry and he never failed to please. What was so different about this situation? Now Sammy climbed on her, one hand gently resting on her waist, the other against the thin mattress of the shaky cot. Marie had her eyes closed. It was just too unbelievable that she was making out with the half-ink man. Anyway, isn’t making out much more intense when the eyes can’t see and the body feels everything? She started moaning ever so slightly and her giddiness was making her feel dizzy. Just as their bodies were heatedly pressed together…” Your arms, they should be freed,” Sammy said in a breathy manner. He found some old scissors in a drawer nearby and cut the bandages that had restrained Marie’s arms. Finally, her arms and shoulders felt better. She wrapped his arms around his neck to pull him in closer. And that’s when she saw it-the other half of the face appearing. Now, she could see this good-looking man staring back at her. Her fixated gaze caused him to stop their sexual escapade. He put his hand to his face, his neck, and chest. No more ink. “It’s happening,” he whispered to himself. Marie looked a little more relieved. Behind the mask, behind the ink, behind the crazed behavior, there was a person. Someone that had been through too much. He did look weary and his eyes possessed a certain amount of sadness. “Sammy,” she gently caressed his newfound face. He held her hand next to his face. He liked how warm her hand felt. He ran his fingers through Marie’s curly, dark hair that framed her face well. He felt like he could see through human eyes and appreciate the beauty that lay before him. He then kissed her neck area causing Marie to gasp in pleasure. Her breasts were rising and falling with her breath which made her look so alluring. Then Sammy pulled out the scissors that were used earlier. He cut the sleeves from the shoulder down to the end of the sleeve so he could fold the dress down to her waist. He took in the beauty of her lacy bra in once again. He unhooked her bra as Marie drew in her breath. Her gorgeous breasts were exposed and her nipples were dark and hardened with anticipation. Sammy didn’t hesitate to take one milky breast in his hand and suck her nipple and then proceed to suck the other one. Marie was getting extremely wet as her boobs were so sensitive to touch. Her moans were getting louder and intense as she ran her fingers through his hair. She noticed he still had on the tan suspenders that shaped his chest pretty well, so she started slipping them off his shoulders. Samuel noticed that she was bucking her hips against the bandages that held her waist so he cut those restraints too. Once again he could see the lacy thong as the dress rode up to her hips. He didn’t remember seeing that kind of ladies’ underwear back in his time, but they should have been invented then, they looked wonderful! He slowly rolled the thong off her hips, butt, and down her legs and put them off to the side. He drew a sharp breath in. He’d never seen a woman so clean down there. He put the hand gently on her recently shaved mound. It really astounded him. Marie felt the wetness drip down her thighs immediately. Marie still felt a tinge of guilt because of Henry but she was too far gone in her own lust.  She opened her legs up. She wanted her clit to be tongue-lapped so bad at this point. Samuel seemed to get the hint as he went right in and licked her wet clit. Marie grabbed his hair and did his best to guide him when he went in too rough. He started getting a rhythm that eventually sent Marie over the edge. She gripped the side of the cot hard and her toes curled as she let out a wail of gratification. “Did I do good?” Sammy asked trying to gauge Marie’s reaction. “Yes,” Marie said sounding spent, “you did well.” Marie finally got up from the bed. Samuel was standing next to her. She gave a little devious smile as she unbuttoned his pants. His member looked to a good 6 inches. Marie started fondling his sex and he got hard very fast. “I haven’t been with someone in a long time.” Then, Marie wanting to sound very seductive said, “Well, let’s change that now.” She motioned for him to get on the bed which he did. She loved that his dick was standing straight up. Samuel was quiet and watching Marie in wonder and expectation. She straddled him and slowly lowered herself onto his shaft. He let out a low moan and his brows were furrowed. She rocked her hips back and forth in a fast motion causing her to get hot and close to an orgasm. Then he suddenly opened his eyes and flipped Marie over to her back and put her legs over his shoulders.  He was fucking her hard and she looked like she loved every minute of it. The oohs coming from Marie echoed throughout the room as he slammed his hips in her sex at a rapid pace. Her tits were bouncing everywhere. “Fuuuck...I’m….going...to...come!” She cried. “Ahhhh,” they both came together, Samuel collapsed on top of her. “Oh...my…” he managed to sputter. “Oh...fuck..what have I done?” Marie questioned.

So, I think my daughter wasn't trying to be mean, but she mentioned how fat I have gotten because I showed her a pic of me when I was 19. I jokingly said, "It's because of you!" But if I'm being honest with myself, it kinda hurt my feelings. I gained about 70 pounds with my daughter during pregnancy. As you may know, my relationship with her dad (we live together) is not the best. There's really no true love there. I have a feeling this situation or dynamic contributes to my weight. Also, I get depressed easily. I saw my mom struggle with weight all my life despite all her attempts to lose it. Sometimes I feel I am doomed to a similar fate. How do ya'll embrace your body and not feel ashamed?

The one I have been putting on here recently. I posted it to Literotica.com. It took them about 2 days to reject it lol. I felt kinda bad, but then I ran it through an editing app (I shoulda done that in the first place!) and it did have a lot of redundant words. I guess the one thing that confused me, since I put it under the fanfiction genre, was that they said you can't change the characters age because I put on the top of my submitted work that all characters are 18+ and they said I couldn't do that in this particular category. I know the game well and everyone actually is over 18. Anways, I'll submit it to a volunteer editor and see what they have to say about it because I'm hella confused! Thanks for reading my rather boring blog, happy Monday!