This Sub's Space

Maybe I'm wrong? Maybe I'm not really submissive? Or maybe I'm not really HIS submissive? Maybe that is the piece I'm missing? 

I am pretty sure by now, I know myself. And I'm rather confident when I say I'm 100% submissive. Before I knew what submission was, I was everyone's doormat so I never thought finding the lifestyle would help me healthily determine who I should and shouldn't submit to. Or help me realize I can love someone in a healthy way in either a vanilla relationship or a BDSM one. 

I'm realizing the person I'm with makes me happy in a vanilla relationship with some BDSM play, but he's not consistently dominant and I can't keep up. I mean today something is fine, but tomorrow when he decides he wants to be dominant, and I don't fall into step, I need to "choose my battles".

Well, are we D/s or are we vanilla? 

Honestly, I'm not sure who he is in the realm of BDSM. A couple of months ago I'd have had an answer but now I question.

Add this to the list of things I need to get figured out/accomplished in my 14 days off of school. :(

And my primary partner says he wants to see me for my birthday but . . . He's got all these other people to see and places to go and things to do  . . . I mean i knew the likelihood of seeing him tonight or tomorrow was low because I have to work tonight and finish a couple of school papers and tomorrow he has a standing obligation but I really thought id get to see him this weekend and now thats looking really slim too. This conversation just totally hurts and reminds me why I can't do poly . . . Especially when my life is as busy as it is . . . There's very few times I just want to be "special" and my birthday is one of them  . . . But hey what else is new . . . 

Sometimes you just hit a wall. You try to go over, under, around, and through it but it's just not possible. You can either give up or take a breath and look at the wall as a time for reassessment. 

That wall almost broke me but failure is just not an option. So I am taking a step back, taking a moment to breath, and then I'm gonna sit down to figure it out.  Figure out what I need to change or look at differently and watch that wall tumble down. 

So I'm trying something similar to a FB trend but with a possible twist. I am looking for 1 word that starts with the first letter of your name that I can ponder in my submissive journey this year. Does not necessarily have to be a submissive word but can be. 

Thanks for your help!

So I'm not where I was hoping I'd be to start 2025 but I am in a better place than I was at the start of 2024. There's so much I'm processing and trying to determine where to go this year but I'm happy with the changes that started at the end of last year. 

And it all relates to the first statement above. I know what I am looking for and how I thought I had to get there. Towards the end of last year, I realized that because I had such a concrete path to my destination, I was potentially missing out on so much of life, so much of the journey. Thus I changed my mindset. I am going to enjoy the journey - meet new people, make new friends, and see where life takes me. 

That's all I can say right now my friends, enjoy the journey - see where the road takes you. 

I hope everyone has a happy holiday and is able to spend time with friends and family. 

As they say the road to hell is paved with the best of intentions. I wanted to write more this year. That's been an epic fail. (And it's no one's fault but my own)

Right now I have a good thing going on but I can't just be content with what I have. I want more and I mean I know if its not enough I have to be honest with myself and my partner but it's really really good. Why can't I just be satisfied with what I have for now? 

Oh wait I know because everything is so good and I want more. I want to have my whole cake not just a slice. And I want it all the time. 

What's the saying . . . Oh yeah, you can't always get what you want . . . After an absolutely fantabulous weekend, I'm gonna go focus on work now. 

Hope all of you in Cage Land enjoyed your weekend.  

Ringing in the New Year and sweeping out the old. I don't make New Year's Resolutions because they typically fail within the first month. But that does not mean I do not have thought for the new year. This year will bring digging deeper into myself and my submission. I started that at the end of 2023 but plan to continue into this year. I am still trying to figure out exactly what that will look like but have some ideas. Thinking about spending time thinking and writing about words that are important to me and to my submission. 

Since finding me in depth has been ongoing for a little while. I have already started looking into my bad habits. Figuring out things I need to change about myself to be a better myself. I plan to continue working on my bad habits and replacing them with better habits. I plan to continue making myself a better person and a better submissive. 

May 2024 bring you all everything you hope for and more than you dream of!

Happy Kinky New Year!

Meli

Merry Christmas to all my fellow kinksters. I hope Santa was good to all of you. 

Devastated

Angry but still apologetic

Know it's for the best

Opportunity to grow

Treasured, I just wanted to feel treasured

Acceptance is coming

Maybe this time I'll learn

Every good thing has to end

Likely I won't because I-m

Interested in trying again

Is it really so bad to want a Dominant, a Daddy, a Master? Does he really even still exist? 

But what I have come to understand  is that sometimes things don't change. Sometimes words are nothing more than just that words.  . .