Mother Nature is PISSED tonight!
Lightning is flashing across the sky, the howl if ferocious and the rain is coming down in buckets.
Mother Nature is PISSED tonight!
Lightning is flashing across the sky, the howl if ferocious and the rain is coming down in buckets.
“Off we skip like the most heartless things in the world, which is what children are, but so attractive...”
The above quote is from a VERY famous children's novel. Can you guess which one? The author who penned those words was ahead of his time in terms of childhood developmental psychology, but I wonder if he knew that he was also talking about Brats.
In this entry, we will cover the different types of Brats so as a reminder, I will re-list them for you. They are as follows AS I STATED in the previous chapter in this series:
-attention seeking battiness
-thrill seeking battiness
But I'd like to add at least one more type of brattiness, one that became clear recently that I personally engage in...self-defense brattiness. I know what you are thinking. “SBD, you already covered Wounded Brats.” Yes, I covered wounded Brats, but not the brattiness as a form, which is Self-Defense.
Service Brattiness / Therapy Brattiness
Upon reflection, service and therapy brattiness are similar enough that they can be discussed together. We all know that submission is the gift of turning over power to another. That takes many forms and dynamics which do not need to be discussed here, as we all have a familiarity with the existance of the varients. In my opinion, out of all the different types of brattiness forms, Sevice/Therapy brattiness is the most selfless.
Brats, as mentioned before, are observers, and, if you can believe it, LISTENERS. No, I didn't studder. You heard me correctly. Brats are LISTENERS, but then again, so are spies and con artists. Most of the other brattiness is based on the Brat's desires, by means of WHAT TRIGGERS YOU into your Dommie mode. The type of brattiness used is driven by the moment. Are you, the Dom, feeling stable and secure? Is the world listening to your every command and spinning at just the right speed to satisfy you? Then the form will NOT be Therapy, but MAAAY be Service (especially when directed towards the Sadist Dom).
The Brat will try to sense your mood, and based on what they learned both in the moment and what they know from what you have shared with them (the spies), they will manipulate themSELVES (the con artist) to alter your behaviour . For the Sadist Dom (a species of Dom I have ZE-RO experience with so I'm making leaps of judgement based on supposition and assuption so...please don't beat me if I'm wrong) the service could be ANYTHING. The goal for service brattiness is to engage for the pleasure of providing pleasure to the Dom. This is usually seen in the form of play...joyful play that involves a lot of giggling and, hopefully, an orgasm in the end. What happens between the first giggle to the last orgasm, well, we shall leave that up to you, our slightly seasick looking Doms.
Therapy brattiness is different in that while the Brat (and this is true for ALL brats) wants to bring pleasure to the Dom, Therapy brattiness has a special motivation. Something is VERY out of wack with the Brat's Dom and this is the time for ACTION. Brats who provide therapy brattiness are like the lone soldier, making ready to go out and rescue the hostage from enemy territory.
Hear me now and take heed. ALL Brats are HIGHLY protective over their Doms. Nothing pisses off a Brat MORE or FASTER than something sending their Dom off-kilter. We go on the attack. That is OUR Dom and WE are the only ones allowed to send them into a tail-spin!
“...We have an entirely selfish time”
When we go into Therapy mode, we attack, not the outside source, but the inner turmoil in our Dom's soul. We force them back into their “Domminess” state, the one that is our haven. We throw the book at our Doms. We will risk it all. All the physical pain. All the wrath. All the horrible punishments that have nothing to do with sex for the good and glory to see our Doms, our security, our guides, our HOME and nesting place, until it is returned to right order.
You may have seen it in the animal kingdom. That adolesent wolf, pestering the aggitated alpha until the alpha snaps and bares his teeth and growls at the offender? THAT moment, RIGHT THERE, is the place we are not wanting but NEEDING our Dom to get to. Why? Why would we want our Doms to get there? Because of what comes after.
The Dom, just like the wolf, calms down once they are allowed to reassert their superiourity over their sub. That momentary burst of, “I'm the Dom and you will do as I say”. That release, for the Dom, is cathartic and Brats pick up on that tactic REAL quick.
Your pain, is our pain. Your aggitation is our aggitation. You are our HOME. Our SAFETY. Our Rudder. Our beacon on a dark and scary night. You are our Fire Breathing Dragon, waiting in the shadows to attack anything that comes near us. You chase away our demons and so, when YOU have demons, we become the flaming light. The distraction in the black void, until at long last, our dragon comes back home to us. Then, so we curl up in your lap like the pearled treasure you makes us feel like we are.
Attention Seeking Brattiness / Thrill Seeking Brattiness
When someone thinks about Brats, this is usually what people think of, however, it is actually a rarer form that one might imagine.....within the dynamic of a relationship, and THAT is the key point.
“I may be A submissive, but I am not YOUR submissive.”
This is the major creed amoung submissives withing the BDSM community. Every Submissive should learn and live this motto. Its VITAL for avoiding the wrong kind of Doms. Every Submissive has received “those” messages here on “The Cage”. That guy who demands that you submit to their rule, simply because they are a “Dom” and you are a “Submissive”.
What does the above motto mean, really? Psssst....Subs, come closer.....It means that not only can't they order you around........they can't punish you either.
And THAT is something that Brats take and run hog wild through the flowers with. We are teenagers, running through the neighborhood of Doms, egging and toilet papering their houses. What's the worst they can do? They can't punish us, give us lines, make us sit in a corner. Nope. “I may be a sub but I'm not your sub” is heard as 'You may be A dom but you're not MY Dom so neener neener neener!'. Off we go, playing with the Littles, stealing their stuffies while making them do naughty things over the tops of the heads of their owners, and sticking our tongues out at the Doms while calling them Doo Doo heads. We do it just to get a rise (attention) out of people. What harm can we really do anyways? Ignore us or play with us. The choice is your's but when's the last time you went tearing ithrough the neighborhood, egging houses and covering the trees in TP?....WithOUT worring about a consequence?
Thrill seekers do the same......but only with a dynamic. They are similar to Sevice Brats in that respect but usually operate with the goal of being selFISH instead of selfLESS. Do you see the slight difference? Thrill seekers want sex and they want it NOW. Thrill seekers are USUALLY masocists so the sex needed is either hormone driven or kink-preference driven. Remember, Brats will resort to actually asking, flat out, what they want, as a last resort. So grab them by the nape of the neck, throw them over your knee, spank their ass and fuck them hard (if all that is allowed in your dynamic). Brats will only put a toe over the line but value the relationship too much to screw it up by actually breaking a hard limit of the Dom.
This one is the most personal for me. Any Wounded Brat knows this mechanisim well. Just as the Dom gets off kilter, so do Brats. Wounded Brats are ESPECIALLY vulnerable to triggers, some we know about and some we don't. The ones that we don't know about can hit us like a 2x4 across the head, knocking us head-over-teakettle. Remember what I said about trust. We are trusting you to love us anyways, no matter what we do.
“...and then when we have need of special attention...”
As I said earlier, you Doms are our security, our rudder, our protectors and the world has just attacked us. Where does a child run to when they are bleeding and scared? They run home. HOME, to the ones who make everything all better. It is in those moments, when either the world hurt us or you tripped over an unknown trigger, that we need you the most. We need you to help us express our pain. We need you to hold us (down...) while we scream it out like a kid throwing a temper tantrum. The following quote, used with permission, puts it best and was posted in the comment section of “The Art of Being A Brat -or- The Freaks”:
“He is the only one that can control and put to order this raging hurricane inside...we need it, we crave it and the love, devotion and eagerness of pleasing given in return”-NewbieGemini
We, the eternal teenagers, have got a really big boo-boo and we need you to kiss us and make it all better. Because we have built a trust with you, we trust that you will be strong enough to handle our hurricane as it batters your house of brinks. Eventually, the storm will settle and we will be able to find the courage to help with the cleanup by talking it out with you, curled up in your lap, being vulnerable (scaaaa-ry!)....with the only person we allow to see us cry.
“...we nobely return for it, confident that we shall be embraced......instead of smacked.”
-J.M. Barrie-Peter Pen
We have covered the "Why" and the "What"...up next....the "Who". We will chew over the question of "Are Brats really just disobedient Littles"?
This virus may kill me, but no one will have to inherit my yarn stash!!!
Patterns, patterns everywhere....what to knit what to knit? Do I have enough? Do I have the skill? Do I have the patience? Do I have the needle size? What's that symbol mean? What does that term mean? Scroll....scroll...scroll....
What to knit what to knit..........
PEOPLE KEEP ASKING ME, "IS COVID-19 REALLY THAT SERIOUS?" LISTEN Y'ALL, THE CASINOS AND CHURCHES ARE CLOSED. WHEN HEAVEN AND HELL AGREE ON SOMETHING, ITS PROBABLY PRETTY SERIOUS.
Now you can't TELL me that this guy is NOT a Dom....just listen to how he talks to his cows....
Law of Conservation of Mass:
Matter cannot be created or destroyed. Therefore, in a closed system, the mass of the reactants must equal the mass of the products.
So what ARE the 5 W's and an H? Why is SBD quoting Chemical Engineering laws? And most importantly, has SBD gone mental? How does all this relate to Brats and Bratting?
This entry stems from the comment thread from the entry titled "The Art of being a Brat or The Freaks". To say that I was shocked at the response would be putting it mildly, so thank you to everyone who commented and liked the entry. In my research, (yes, I research things just for you.), I discovered that even with my inexperience, other Brats have echoed my same thoughts.
Who, What, Where, When, Why, and How.
In elementary school, I learned that the 5 W's and an H were vital in good writing and understanding science. Answer those 6 questions and the world lays at your feet like a carpet of understanding and enlightenment. But which question is the most important?
Well, it depends on the situation and topic. Since this is about Brats and Bratting, you MIGHT think "How" would be the most important. If you are a Dom, "HOW do I dominate a Brat?" If you are a Brat, "HOW do I brat better?"
*buzzer sounds* You would both be wrong. Truth be told, there is only ONE question that needs to be answered, because once you answer that, all the rest fall right into place.
WHY does a submissive brat?
This will, by no means, be an exhaustive list and I am no expert.
SOME reasons why subs may brat are the following:
-because they want to shut down
-in order to provoke a response
-nervousness and fear
Some of the different TYPES of battiness are as follows:
-attention seeking battiness
-thrill seeking battiness
Each Brat is different and brats usually don't stick to just one form or one reason, which can make things difficult for the Dominant, but given TIME, TRUST, and a bit of out-of-the-box THINKING, the Dominant can usually come out the victor.
Why would a Brat want to shut down? How would this look and what is the goal?
As discussed, most brats are filled with inner chaos. There is a storm inside and we are caught in the middle. The reasons as to why it's there, are innumerable, but it's there. It could be childhood trauma, adult trauma, not enough trauma, or even just too much sugar in their diet! The point is, it's there and it's frightening. Brats feel powerless in the face of it. We need an anchor to secure us through the storm.
"Hey you, Dominant! Yeah, you! The one standing in the corner looking like you're a little seasick. That anchor would be you!"
Brats are, almost universally, highly intelligent and quick witted. For all their mouthy bravado it might surprise you to know that inside, Brats are just scared little children trying to protect themselves from a world that they feel doesn't understand them. They are TRYING to prevent someone from hurting them, inside, where the chaos lives. For a 'Wounded Brat', such as myself, we need to shut down from having to constantly process the world around us. We might struggle against you. We might mouth off at you. If you tie us up, we might wiggle to test the ropes, acting as if we are trying to escape. It will be constant. It may make you want to scream "WHAT! DO! YOU! WANT!?"
Brats, will only tell you flat out what they want as a last resort. Twisted thinking, I know. Highly inefficient, absolutely. You would assume that someone who is that smart would know how to string a few words together and say, "I want you to.....". Nope. Brats enjoy the mental chess game that comes from the challenge of challenging you.
Read that last sentence again because it's important.
“Brats enjoy the mental chess game that comes from the challenge of challenging you.”
Its the thrill of the challenge, not the defiance. Its a game of the mind set in motion with the body. Think of it as "mental gymnastics". A way to stay mentally acute.
So what's the goal? The wounded brat needs more dominance from you. Tighten the ropes (yes.), make it impossible for them to move (oh yes please!). Gag them. In short, increase the intensity of the dominance (oh YES PLEASE!!). They will relent when you have reached the right level. Now, how fast or how slow you get there....well, that is under YOUR control. :)
Why does a Brat want to provoke a response? Do they LIKE getting punished? Do they LIKE pain?
Why, YES! Some do enjoy the pain. For some, it's just normal. As a child, I was "conditioned" to understand that the only time I would get any attention, good or bad, was when I was bad and being punished. It could just be as simple as that, "I just don't know any different."
This is unhealthy thinking and if THAT is the case, then therapy needs to happen with a skilled professional. This is where the whole "sane" part of SSC comes in. If a Brat can journal, then a Brat can very well sit their damn ass down in a chair, talk to someone, and break the cycle of abuse. Abuse of the self and possible abuse of others. Doms, don't be afraid to set the example. Sit your asses down too! If you do some research, and I think The Cage has those links already, you can find some kink aware therapists in your area.
However, if it's just the pain they want and you love giving spankings, fuck yeah! Have at it with my blessings! Peanutbutter and chocolate baby! Fly! Be free and enjoy! But what happens if.......you want simple control. For all those psychological Dominants, the ones who do not use brute force, how do you handle a mouthy, wiggle brat?
Psssst......come closer. I'll tell you a secret. Look deep into your sub's eyes and say these magic words, "If you do not control yourself, there will be NO spankings tonight.". Then, all you have to do is lean back, plaster a look of smug satisfaction on your face. You, Sir, just popped the Brat's balloon without lifting a finger, ESPECIALLY if their goal was to "provoke a response".
(I am soooo going to brat jail for telling you that....I have just betrayed my people.)
Fear and / or Nervousness? What's there to be nervous about? It's not like this is our first date.
I mentioned this in the previous entry, but it bears repeating. "Brats are a VERY loyal bunch and when we love, we love with every cell in our body, mind, soul, and thought.". So, why would a Brat be nervous?
Because you are our whole world. We love you and we DO NOT want to disappoint you. We also want each time to be the BEST time. We want each time to be extraodinary! We want each time to be unique and special and filled with as much of ourselves as we can stuff into it. To us, you are the prince and we are a simple maiden. Why are we nervous? Expectations. The ones we have set for ourselves, the ones you have set for us.....and the ones we THINK you have set of the experience. We want to live up to your dreams...…..because you already have already given us ours.
There is also a different kind of nervousness. Remember that chaos I mentioned earlier? How we cope with stress is a big factor in how our brattiness is manifested. Nervousness is just being jittery...fear is nervousness on steroids.
To put it into perspective, I am the mother of a 12 year old little boy, and when he was in Kindergaden, I noticed that he would behave “oh so well” for the teachers, but, the moment that bell rang and he was back in my care, the hell-spawn that I knew and loved would return. I couldn't understand how this child, this highly intelligent and quick witted child could do this to me. Did he hate me? Didn't he know that all the rules I set down were for his own good and growth? Didn't he know there would be consequences? Did he LIKE pain?
I asked his teachers and the administrators those same questions and they all said the same thing:
"Children will act out with their parents because they trust them. They trust that their parents will love them no matter WHAT they do and it is with their parents that kids test the boundaries, try new coping skills, and learn how to handle conflict in the safest place they know...home."
Just like children, Brats need boundries, rules, consequences for their actions, and lots, and lots of love. With each new challenge, each new social situation, each new stressor, the Brat will go through a barrage of emotions. Depending on how they handle and process stress, it can show up as fear and they will turn to the person that is their anchor. The person they trust. Their safe place where they KNOW they are loved and accepted for who and what they are.They NEED you to put them back in their place. Like a swaddled infant, they need to feel the security of the familiar ground that is you.
Use caution though. Set the boundaries too tight, and you risk breaking the soul of a Brat. Set them to loose and they will loose respect for you. Choose your battles carefully and to quote what CivilizedStallion* so wisely wrote in his blog, “MasterofToday” (recommended reading for both Doms and Subs):
“Learn when discipline is worth it, and when it is not.”
In part two, we will delve into the types of Brats that exist so, to take a page out of YT, "please click subscribe and hit the bell for notifications"...rotfl!
*Name and quote used with permission
As of tonight.....
There has been MORE deaths from the Corona Virus in this country alone......
Than we lost on 9/11.
Think about that for a moment.
There are just some things you will stick your hand down a toilet filled with your pee for.....
A gold colored Ben wah ball that escaped because you forgot it was in there is one of them.
Sometimes....ya just gotta laugh and roll with the pumches. 'cause you ain't got no other choice.