SailorsKink

To all the submissives out there, you're appreciated.

You are beautiful and wonderous creatures and I love all of you. 

That is all.

I hate waking up in the middle of night to an empty bed beside me.

In mid summer when it was boiling hot you used to sneak out of bed and go sleep on the bed in the guest room. It was much cooler there and my body didn't radiate all that heat.

I would wake up to find you gone and immediatly I'd go to look for you. I was always upset at first but then I would see you sleeping so peacefully and all I would do is lift you in my arms and take you back to my bed. Your arms would instinctively wrap around my neck and rubbing your cheek against my chest you would whisper,"Thank you Sir".

It was disarming. I felt alive. With those words you stirred everything I wanted to feel and for the rest of the night I would sleep like a king. 

These days I wake up in the middle of the night and the space is always empty. It still upsets me. I'd go for a walk around the boat to clear my head but always returning to that hateful absence.

Kitten came up to me a while ago. She was still new to the lifestyle then and seemed a little annoyed.

Calling me by my first name she asked,"Why do I always have to be the submissive? Why do you get to be in control?"

I just smiled and said," Ok Kitten, dominate me."

She was surprised. I guess she expected some long lecture or an angry retort.

After thinking for a second she said in her best commanding voice,"Get on your knees in front of me."

I just smiled and said,"No. Try again."

I could see that see was a little confused but she quickly turned around, went to the bed room and returned with my belt.

She said,"Get on your knees in front of me NOW or a will punish you!"

Again I replied with a smile,"No. Try Harder."

She made a motion to hit me with the belt but in a moment I had stood up and taken it from her.

She stood there a little frustrated. She asked me,"How do I make you Submit to me?"

"You can't", I replied.

"Why not?"

"Because it is something someone has to give you. That is why its so precious kitten. I am not in control. You are. You can take away your consent at anytime. I can only do what you allow me to do"

I could see the realisation sink in. She was smiling again.

"So why do I allow you to do all these things to me then?", she asked giggling.

I gave her a little kiss and replied,"Because you want to make me happy."

My favorite memory of my kittengirl was of a rainy Saturday afternoon we spent at her place.

I had to study for my yachmaster exam the follwing week and was nose deep in chart work excercises and collison regulations the whole day. Come mid-afternoon kitten wasn't having it. She wanted attention and was going to get it no matter what.

She hid my collision regulation book while I was in the kitchen and by the time I came back she was lying on the rug with a magazine. She was naked except for her little flower panties pulled up high so they sit tight over her bum.

When I asked her where she'd hidden my things she just looked over her shoulder all innocent and sweet and said "I dont know Sir". I would almost have believed her if it wasnt for the oh so obvious naughty smile.

I asked her again but she just responded by wiggling her butt at me. I knew that if i wanted to get any more work done I'd have tire her out first.

I got down behind her and with my lips slowly traced a line from her ankles up to her thighs giving her small little kisses as I went along. She was giggling the whole time because my beard was tickling her but she tried to remain still, pretending that she was still reading.

When I got to the curve of her bum I gave her a sudden sharp bite. I didnt break the skin but it definitely had to hurt. She gave a yelp and tried to jump up but I had her by the waist and threw her on her back. I wrestled her arms above her head and pinned them into place. She knew she was helpless to fight back but then again that is what she wanted.

I asked her again where she hid my book and she just shook her head no. Again with that naughty smile. She wasnt going to make it easy. My free hand I ran up her neck and into her hair grabbing a firm handfull. I pulled her head back, exposing her neck and shoved my face in there knowing that my beard tickling her would drive her crazy. She was laughing wildly and begging me to stop.

I asked again and again she just shook her head no. She was smiling because she knew I wasnt really thinking of work anymore. I let her hands go and kissed her deeply, stilll holding a hand full of hair firmly.

I stood up and pulled her by her hair to the couch where I bent her over the armrest. With my free hand I pulled panties down and started spanking her behind. Gently at first to warm up the skin but I  spanked her harder and harder with each stroke. After a minute or two it was beautifully red and she was soaking wet.

I started fucking her from behind. Hard and fast the way she liked it. With my free hand I reached around to twist and pull at her erect nipples but my other hand never left her head, shoving her face into the pillows. I made her cum twice before I stopped.

We were both breathing heavily and fell onto the couch giggling. When we got our breath back she fetched me a glass of water and the book she had hidden.

We kissed for little while longer after which she snuggled up under my arm with her fingers in my chest hair and promptly fell asleep. I continued reading for a little bit but it wasnt soon after that I fell asleep too.

Thats was a wonderfull Saturday afternoon.

Im sitting on nightwatch and I am fantasizing about tying you up again.

I want to rip off your bikini, exposing your beautiful golden tanned skin naked in front of me. I want to rub your body from head to toe with the Vanilla infused tanning oil I bought you. The smell drives me nuts. Especially when it heats up in the sun and the whole boat smells of fresh baked cookies and lust.

I dream about tying your hands back over your head. The working end I'll finish in a crotch knot that sits tightly over your clit. I want it to dig in there everytime you struggle, making you hot and bothered. I'll tie up your legs too so you have to remain kneeling and I'll display you on the dinner table outside. You will be the centerpiece for my lunch.

From the galley I can watch you while I cook. I will take my time so I can savour the view, maybe even enjoying a glass of wine while I do so. Ill come over every now and again to give you a sip from my glass and brush my fingers down your spine. I love seeing you shiver when I do that.

And when the meal is ready I will sit down in front you and feed you little bites from my plate while I'm eating. My entertainment will be to tease you by running my fingers across your skin. I want to watch you squirm and I want to hear you moan.

And when that knot does its job working up your appetite, I want you to beg me for dessert.

One more hour to go before this watch ends and now Im in the mood for someone sweet.

Its a bitter pill to swallow when you realise you have made a serious mistake. The kind of mistake that changes your life.

My mistake seemed innocent at first. I was inconsistent. I didnt enforce the rules at all times. They were of my own creation after all but somewhere along the line I forgot how important they were to my partner. How much she relied on them to feel safe and secure.

Only too late did I realise the damage Ive caused. Unfortunately we could not move past it but I learnt my lesson in the hardest of ways. Its etched into my mind. Well and truly internalized.

Ive grown as a result. I am becoming a better dominant and a better man.

You have to hold yourself responsible for these things if you want to be responsible for others.

Now I take things slow and steady. I look at what rules are important to me and why.

Most of all, I understand their purpose now.

I cant handle D/s right now. Not in the mental space I am in.

I recently let go of my D/s relationship and I have thought a lot on why. 

It boils down to two things. Expectations and obligations.  When your relationships or interactions with people feel like this you know there is something wrong.

These two concepts are core to being a responsible human being but its the spirit with which they are handled that makes all the difference. No one should feel that they are just an obligation and that their needs are met only because its has been expected to be so. The missing ingredient is passion.

I want to feel driven again. I want to feel butterflies in my stomach again. I need to be so inthralled and excited that my obligations to my partner and expectations that go along with it are self-evident afterthoughts not leaden weights that choke the joy out of my existence.

So I left it all behind me. I am breathing free and easy. I am stoking the fire from embers again and I am enjoying the solitude for a little while.

Maybe its a little selfish but it was absolutely necessary.

My father told me this joke the other day:

The Machocist asks the Sadist, "please Sir hurt me".

The Sadist replies with a smile, "No".

Ive been giggling about this the whole day.

There is this look in her eyes that rushes blood to my brain everytime.

Its innocent and sweet. It overflows with desire and her willingness to give in to all of mine but there is also fear.

shes aware of what i am and what i need. In that look is acceptance of what will come but also an appeal not to take it all the way.

She wants to give me everything and I want to take everything but when she gives me that look (and the hair on the back of my neck stands on end) I take only what I need and give back all that I can.

I often wonder who is really in control. :)