random

the quiet is deffing in my mind. I feel nothing as I stare around me at all the people I see people I see having daily conversations that I can't figure out. I fake interest as even the simplest of joys feel monotonous. I suffer in silence for months as others need me to be their armor. little do they know the chinks in the armor are like death by a 1000 cuts. a slow mediatorial death that will never come.  But for now I will put on my mask of smiles so no one struggles. no one needs to feel the pain I feel. because all I feel is that I hurt them.

It is on my page but enjoy my ass et;)

For the second night in a row I’m jolted up at 3 am. I’m unable to fall back asleep as my mind feels like going a million miles an hour. The thing is I can’t focus on on one thing to quiet the mind. So for now I’m stuck listening to the rain come down as my mind jumps though time and space to give me random thoughts and make my emotions fluctuate. “Yay” he said sarcastically. 

On this day many Moons ago. I got married. to the love of my life. it has been a unique ride with a lot of ups and downs. but I am glad for everything that has happened cuz it has made us stronger. We have done this together. We are a team and together we will get through anything. I love you Little one! Happy Anniversary!!! I love you. I always have and always will.