A Submissive's Journey

Seen this saying on social media, "One thing people need to understand about extremely kind, nice, and loving people, is that their other side is just as extreme. It's the hell they survive that makes them gentle. Don't mistake their self-control for weakness. The beast in them is sleeping, not dead."

I can relate to that. It is also the hell they survive to make them strong. My issue is that I dont see where I am being taken advantage of til after the damage has been done and I am picking up the shattered pieces alone. 

Recently I have been wondering if I am too broken to even consider of being in a D/s relationship with anyone. It is very difficult for me to trust and when I do I fully trust. This is why I am taking my time of getting to know Doms before investing my time, emotions, loyality,  and my submission into the dynamic. 

When it comes to me vetting a potential Dom I am focused only on that Dom. If the protenital Dom doesnt align with what I am looking for, then I will end the vetting process and move on til I find the one Dom who aligns with what I am looking for. 

Suddenly it appears

Appears in the form of a spark

A spark of creativity

Creativity in the form of writing
 

 

Writing and sharing

Sharing what lies in my mind

My mind that is both complex and vast

Vast like an endless abyss
 

 

Abyss that I fear

Fear of being vulnerable

Vulnerable of others negativity

Negativity of their judgements
 

 

Would this spark ignite?

Ignite the kindle and expand

Expand and take flame

Flame that suddenly appears
 

Note: I want to thank you (you know who you are) for igniting that spark after I allowed that fire to be snuffed long ago.

It all began during my first marriage, I was twenty at the time. I discovered that I enjoyed being tied up and being dominated during sex. That marriage ended, because I was mentally and emotionally abused outside of the bedroom.

About 2 years later,  I am married again by someone who had no kinks and was very demanding of me of pleasing him everytime he wants it without any regards to my sexual needs and desires. That marriage ended, because he was way too controlling and selfish outside the bedroom.

I had sexual dominated partners offline and online following the two failed marriages. Discovered that being a submissive is my true calling sexually. I discovered what my kinks were in depth and was able to explore that side of me which I am thankful. Unfortunately, those sexual relationships or the relationships didn't last like I had intended.

Currently, I am in a committed offline relationship to à man that treats me with respect and treats me the way I should be treated outside the bedroom. Our relationship is based on trust and communication. We have been in a relationship for almost 6 years now.

I was given permission by him to fulfill my D/s sexual needs and desires that he is unable to fulfill himself. He has given me guidelines that he has set in place for me to follow. 

I came to this site to put in the effort of finding a Dom that is accepting and respectful of those guidelines that are already in place and my current offline relationship situation.

The need of patience is needed, so I can find a Dom that is compatible in what I am looking for in a Dom. I am not wanting a D/s online relationship that ONLY consists of sexual attraction. I am a demisexual and sapiosexual woman.