It is not uncommon for submissives to include in avpost that they are married. Often their spouse is not interested in dominating them. To be I am willing to try to meet their needs, even though they lack privacy. Some have children that need attention. Should I feel guilty?
Everything starts on here and other D/s sites with messaging. That may progress to a messaging app. The conversation may end with a polite goodbye or silence. I really dislike being ghosted. In my.opinion it is more polite to block someone . It shows some thought at least.
Before starting I should say that I am only talking about women who are submitting online. To begin with in a hypothetical D/s world a female sub should not be dressed. Being naked is a symbol of submission. Historically slaves were often kept naked. Having both lower orifices exposed means that she is available for sexual use. Bare skin, especially her ass, is the traditional target for the paddle and the whip. As an online Dom I have often had a submissive who lived alone spend some time naked. Making her do work around the house adds just a mental tinge of being a slave. However in an online dynamic this is not always possible. Her privacy may be limited. One substitute is a kind of symbolic nudity for females. That is to say "no panties" Her pussy and rear orifice are bare and so is her ass. The rubbing of her clothes provides a constant reminder of her obedience to the restrictions of her Dom. There may even be some sexual stimulation, which relates to another topic, orgasm control. So when and where should wearing panties be restricted? Certainly at home it can often be done. Out of the house? In the office? Risky certainly in some cases. If she submits to going bare, the best place to send her is somewhere where other people are around. That focuses her mind on the secret she shares with her Dom. ( In these uncertain times, the only safe place is a street with a mask on)
Now that all of us are reluctant to shake hands or hug people we have known for years. Afraid to go into their house? What happens if we meet someone online and then form a D/s relationship. Things go very well for months. What next? Meet in person? Relocate? It sounds risky.
Judging by the posts I see here and on other sites, kinksters are heading for the online option, at least for now.
Note; I use female pronouns for the submissive, based on my experience. Obviously all other pronouns can apply. Some anatomy may not.
Based on conversations with submissives and posts on various sites, I think many online Doms insist on viewing a submissive live as she does a task or have her make a video. These are required as “proof” These can be misused of course. The most extreme would be selling them as porn. In my view, this is using a submissive as entertainment for the Dom, rather than showing obedience.
Let me talk about one important element of submission, nudity. It is practically a tradition of BDSM . I prefer a submissive to be naked for most tasks as a sign of her submission. If I want a sub to be naked for hours a video is useless, because it is for a few minutes. A complaint about being cold or a request to be allowed panties is a better verification, in my opinion.
Obviously a sub cannot be nude in public. A good substitute is having her go out with no panties on. Especially in a skirt the sensation on her ass and pussy are noticeable. Obviously no proof is possible. I did once order a student to go to class without panties. She refused, which in a sense was proof that she was obeying me for her other tasks.
I usually require a sub to spank or whip various zones of her body. Yes, I could watch and count the strokes, but her description of her ass and the pain satisfy me that she was obedient. If she offers pictures of her marked body, I do not turn them down of course. If a picture is requested I want the sub not to view it as “proof” but as reinforcement of her submission to my task. In another sense it is not “proof”, because I cannot tell if she delivered all the strokes I ordered.
There many other things that I require a sub to do where I can evaluate her obedience by her written report. If a sub cannot have a butt plug in her house for privacy reasons, her finger is a good substitute. I tell her to lubricate her finger and insert it while she is in the shower. Trying to take picture would be crazy. When she tells me how it felt, I know if she did it. ( My point of reference is my own finger up my own)
I could go on, but I think I have made my (slightly radical?) point of view on online Domination/submission clear.
First off I am not talking about the interaction of two (or more) warm bodies in a private place. That is another topic. Just look at the personals on this site. For the most part one gender is looking to met another specific gender. All different combinations of course. On that level, the sexual component is obvious. Lets look at some actual practices. Telling a submissive to get undressed is certainly an act of domination. This is true even online with a written order on a screen. It is even true if there is no visual connection. The submissives genitals are exposed as a show of obedience. Many relationships include "impact play" (an interesting euphemism ) Has anyone ever heard of a submissive being spanked or whipped with their clothes on? But is it all sexual? Is a collar sexual? Verbal insults? Certain types of humiliation? In my opinion, the answer is no.