Secret Window

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Pray for me,
for the lonely heart
that longs only to be
prey for you

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

I want to know what it feels like to have loving arms wrapped around me

I want to know what it feels like to be dressed or have my hair brushed

I want to know what it feels like to wear something that symbolizes his ownership of me for all to see

I want to know what it feels like to have my fingers idly played with as a way to soothe himself

I want to know what it feels like to hear the deep baritone of an "I love you" and be made to believe it

I want to know what it feels like to be relieved of the obligation to speak when out in public

I want to know what it feels like to be told what to do, knowing that I will obey

I want to know what it feels like to be protected, safe, secure, and content

I want to know what it feels like to be petted while receiving nourishment from his hand alone

I want to know what it feels like to be looked at with love and pride and hunger

I want to know what it feels like to be handled confidently with patience and care

I want to know what it feels like to be held at night or laid down for a nap

I want to know what it feels like to have a protective and possessive gaze locked on me with a constant awareness

I want to know what it feels like to be taught how to please him

I want to know what it feels like to have my hair wrapped around his hand when I don't

I want to know what it feels like to be watched with eyes full of gleeful, predatory anticipation when I purposefully disobey

I want to know what it feels like to have teeth sunken into my shoulder while I'm held immobile from behind

I want to know what it feels like to have a low growl rumble against my back

I want to know what it feels like to hear the low timbre of a praise

I want to know what it feels like to hear the promises hidden within a dark, animalistic laugh

I want to know what it feels like to be pushed up against the wall with a hand wrapped around my throat

I want to know what it feels like to have the deep impact of a palm strike me down to the muscle

I want to know what it feels like to be held and comforted while being punished at the same time

I want to know what it feels like to admire the canvas of bruises in the mirror and thank him for such beautiful art

I want to know what it feels like to have a hand on the back of my head, guiding my movements

I want to know what it feels like to keep him warm while we watch a movie

I want to know what it feels like to be at the mercy of his strength, held in place without hope of getting free

I want to know what it feels like to be conquered and claimed

I want to know what it feels like to be marked in all ways possible

I want to know what it feels like to be filled and dripping

I want to know what it feels like to be stalked and hunted by his predator

I want to know what it feels like to be taken whenever I am needed

I want to know what it feels like to have my legs spread while I'm asleep

I want to know what it feels like to experience exhilarating fear and unwavering trust in equal measure

I want to know what it feels like to sit at his feet and look up with unadulterated adoration

I want to know what it feels like to serve and worship him

I want to know what it feels like to be able to provide and take care of all of his needs

I want to know what it feels like to give him everything

I want to know what it feels like to be owned, completely and irrevocably

I just wish I knew

A bed warm on both sides

Tight, inescapable cuddles

A hand run through hair

A kiss on the forehead

Soft, affectionate smiles

Roughened hands and silver scars

Eyes brimming with love and adoration

A spontaneous adventure on mountain roads, a crystalline lake on the horizon

Singing along to songs as a warm breeze blows through open car windows

Standing together in the rain, a primal moment suspended in time

A shared look and mutual understanding

An intimate knowing shared by no other

Peace, safety, and security

Insistence that an order be followed

A firm grip and heavy-landing hand

Shushing and comforting, soothing and stinging, cheek pressed against cheek

A taking of control, exerted will undeterred by protest

An unbreakable hold even through fidgeting

Dominating and assertive masculine energy, demanding surrender

A satisfied growl

Cuddling in front of the fire on a stormy night

Unwavering trust and devotion

A constant awareness and watchful eye, gaze unwavering

Protection and possession burning fiercely at heart

A following of baser instincts

Bared teeth and promising eyes

An acceptance of violent affection and loving abuse

Dark urges from a beast within welcomed with open arms

A gentle caress and fistful of hair as head rests on thigh

Worshiping, pacifying, and warming in equal measure

A contented purr and quieting of mind

A connection so pure and intimate that two become one

Uninhibited laughter, gruff and beautiful

A matching of moods and energy, or a contrast to brighten the dark

Being completely in tune, intuiting and perceiving that which others do not see

Running a bath or making a nest of pillows and blankets when comfort is needed

A reciprocation of silliness, sarcasm, snark, and dark humor

A willingness to share deeper, more intimate and sentimental thoughts and feelings

A secluded home, holding cherished memories of love, joy, and intimacy

Clothes sharing a closet and keepsakes sharing a shelf

A baby's precious laugh

A hug from behind, cheek resting on head, closed eyes, and soft smiles

Being looked upon with fondness when cuddled up with a stuffie and blankie

A stroll through a market, hand in hand, always protected and soothed

A head lying on a lap, being petted and talked into a peaceful sleep

An easing of ache, no matter when or where

Removal of choice, taking whenever it's wanted or needed

A reminder of ownership, instructed to stay still and accept it

A punishing grip on hip and throat, bruising bite holding in place

The snarl of an inner animal, breathtaking in its beautiful passion and aggression

A permanent marking and claiming, inside and out

An exchange of comfort, reassurance, loving words, and adoring gazes

Falling asleep nestled together, yet looking forward to being used during the night

So now I ask - what do you dream of? 

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

On my surface lies calm and still

Though down below seeks a thrill

Out on the hunt, but not to kill

I bore the brunt as you break my will

Wanting and needing before I wake

Fill my body to ease your ache

Surrender and claim, the give-and-take

Marked and tamed, a hunger slaked 

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Look

Listen

Feel

Exist

Words have power

So does silence

Quiet your mind

Still your thoughts

And just take a moment

to feel

that you're alive

And oh, what a blessing that is

Down in the very core of my being, in the depths that few are allowed to see, lies the truest of romantic hearts - a sentimentalist to the utmost and extreme degree. There is nothing in this world that I wish for more, nothing that my soul has ever cried out for more than my person. More than anything, I long for the deep emotional, mental, romantic, and spiritual connection with my soulmate (or whichever term is preferred).

I crave the little intimacies.

A hand held walking down the street

An inescapable, secure hug with my head tucked under their jaw

A hand running through my hair, or sitting at someone's feet as they brush it

Sitting on the floor, hugging someone's legs and resting my head on their lap as I drift off into a nap

A memorized drink order

A hand resting on the small of my back, my neck, my shoulder, or my leg simply because they need that connection and contact

Picking out my clothes for the day, or grabbing a hoodie before we leave even though I probably won't get cold

Knowing and recognizing the signs that say I'm getting sleepy

Noticing the minute changes in my expressions or behaviors that tell of how I'm feeling without a word ever being exchanged

Knowing which blankie is my favorite, and that I will always want it with me even if I'm hot

Asking weird or random questions out of a desire to learn about me and my personality

Knowing which perfume I wear and the types of scents I like

Inside jokes or mutual understandings that can be conveyed with a single look

An instinctual, confident knowing of what I'm thinking or feeling in a certain situation or in response to something

Knowing the things that touch my heart on the deepest level, and that I am an incredibly sentimental person who will save and cherish anything personal or heartfelt

Understanding when I'm joking, teasing, being playful, or trying to spark a reaction

Allowing me to wash their hands and feet and take care of their nails

Placing trust in me

Finding comfort in my presence and falling asleep, or relaxing as I kneed their aches away

Random little touches or loving words throughout the day because we're each other's safe spaces

Cuddling in bed as I'm wrapped tightly in safe and comforting arms, relaxed and at peace in a way I never will be without them

Recognizing when my mind starts to spin and I become too much inside my own head, and taking complete, unwavering control to talk me out of that space and calm/recenter my mind

Knowing that my thoughts have a tendency to wander and that I can get sidetracked pretty easily, and that it's okay to put me back on the right path

Memorizing the random little things I say about myself in passing out of a desire to know me better than anyone else

Noticing little changes in my behaviors, patterns, or habits and knowing what they could mean

Saying or doing something purely because they know it will make me laugh

Being comfortable enough with me to be silly, playful, unguarded, and entirely unfiltered

Knowing that I try to hold back and stuff down my emotions because, otherwise, I feel them to an all-consuming degree

Knowing when I need comfort and what to do to provide it, and allowing me to return the same

Always keeping an eye on me, especially when out in public, and an instinctual, constant awareness of me

Laying their entire weight on me without fear of hurting me, knowing that the weight, security, and connection would silence my mind

Trusting and having confidence in me enough to bare their soul - their deepest thoughts, feelings, and emotions - without fear of being judged

Confiding in me their secrets, fears, and hardships without even a thought as to whether or not I would share what was discussed

I crave the little intimacies.

I crave a soul-deep connection, a meshing of two minds, an irreversible intertwining of two hearts, an intrinsic knowing and understanding of another person, an unbreakable bond, an unshakeable trust, and an unending love.

I crave to become one with another person, wherein the rest of the world ceases to exist and we no longer wish to or can even fathom the idea of living without the other.

Two life forces come together into one. 

Y'know, just a small, teeny tiny intimacy ?

No biggie.

"Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness."

Thank you, Mr. Maxorde, for the challenge!

I'm incapable of picking "just one" of anything, but I added timestamps so y'all don't have to listen to the entire song ?

? 4:39

? 2:48

? 6:10

? 2:40

Alright, I'm done ?

Adios ?

Thank you very much, Ms. Squeedoodle, for a fun and cute challenge ♡

Your blue bunny is absolutely adorable ?

I added a few photos of my favorite stuffies to my profile ?