I realize that everyone has to start somewhere but please... please... for those that are new out there...
Submissives - Do NOT waver your hard limits because you are new and think that is what the Dom/Top wants you to do. They are there to expand your knowledge and stretch you a bit but if you have a hard limit, it's there for a reason. If they are using it as a punishment, kick them in the balls and get the frack out of there. If they are using a blasting through a hard limit without talking to you about it first, kick them in the balls and get the frack out of there. Now, that's not to say the Dom/Top will not try to expand your knowledge and change a hard limit to a soft limit. For example, when I was young, there was serious things that happened to me and thus, a serious aversion (as an adult) to anal play. Up until a few years ago, anyone getting near my butthole got horse-kicked - even a finger on the outside. It was a trigger, an instant reaction that made it so 'end scene' came quicker than someone who hasn't had an orgasm in in a long time - and yes, that happened.
A few years ago, I had a long talk with a Top that I play with. I told him, tears all over the place and ugly crying, what had happened. Considering it is one of His favorite play areas and a way He asserts His Dominance, He wanted to know what the problem was. He got the truth, the whole (or hole) truth and nothing but the truth that came with those memories. He held me while I talked and cried and as the sun came up, He helped me wash up and get ready for work. The day slogged on since I had not gotten much sleep the night before and I continued to think about how He may use the information that He had gotten from me.
The next time we met, He sat me down and told me that He would like to explore that territory but not in a 'forceful' way - as had been my previous experiences. He talked me through everything that He was going to do. Every step, every item (lube, plug, finger) and how He was going to prepare me for the scene. It was painful, yes - both mentally and physically - although both of those pains subsided slightly with each step and honestly each occurrence.
Today, it's not my favorite thing and it's still a hard limit for everyone, except Him. For Him it's a soft limit that I know He enjoys greatly and yes, I will tolerate because I know it bring Him pleasure. That and I will admit that I cum harder when He's stuffed a plug in my ass and is fucking my greedy pussy. *smirks*
Dominants - I'm not going to be the one to say if You are or You aren't, but please, get some experience before you decide to try to take on a submissive. It's a double threat though because they only way that You can get experience is to have a submissive (many say) but I believe that is not totally true. Sometimes being humble and asking another Dominant to mentor You, or **gasps** taking some licks Yourself. Have You ever used Your own implements on Yourself? "I'm the big-bad Dommy Dom, I don't use implements on myself!" How would you know how they feel then? You swing? Your speed? Your position? You don't know unless You test them out. Also understand that each submissive is different. What one submissive thinks is super light, another may think is super hard. Don't degrade either of them because well... different strokes for different folks.
Additionally, just because someone is submissive, does not mean that they are YOUR submissive. Do not be so free to require submission from just anyone. While You may give Your dick freely (I hope You wear a condom), You shouldn't accept submission as easily. Submission is a gift and what someone gives You as a piece of their submission, they can always take back. In the end, how does that affect You? So, if You find Yourself trying to collar someone (even temporarily) ask Yourself why? Will You be able to handle the situation if they decide to take their gift back? How will You react if they say No! Understand sometimes it's not You and other times it is You. I have a specific set of parameters that I'm looking for and yes, it's picky, but this is my life I'm looking at. Telling me You'd like to 'interview' me for a collar after just chatting a few times is going to cause me to raise so many red flags and hit my ship is reverse quicker than anything you will ever see.
Now, I know there are likely those of you out there that are disagreeing with me and that's okay but these are things I've lived through. These are situations that I have experienced. These are situations others have dealt with. Agree or don't... no skin off my toes... this is just my fingers releasing things in my brain. Have a nice day!!!