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My Random Thoughts, Rants, and Vents

Sometimes my head gets to full and I need to get it down and sort it out. Writing it down can help me get perspective on whatever situation (good or bad) is occupying my mind. Basically just a peek inside of what makes me tick.
6 days ago. September 25, 2022 at 5:18 PM

Realizing this week. That the grief over the end of my last relationship is affecting me more than I realized. I thought I could just move on and find someone else that the ending wouldn't really cause me any grief or disturbance.

This week I realized how deeply the ending of my dynamic/relationship had hurt me. Having trouble keeping the grief to myself, behind the walls of being a good employee, a good mother, a good daughter. Harder to pretend I'm not about to break down in a pile of tears and pain. 

Just working on keeping one foot in front of the other. Decided to take a step back and deal with my grief. To heal before trying to move on. Looking back I am realizing how many of my behaviors recently were driven by trying not to feel that grief, trying to hyperfocus on other things so I didn't have to think about it, trying to bandaid it by talking to others and pretending it didn't matter.

Simply trying to move on to quickly and not deal with what I was feeling was not smart. I can only hope that I didn't do any damage in my determination to avoid my grief. 

 

Writing this in an effort to heal to try to start dealing with that grief and pain in a more healthy way.

2 weeks ago. September 12, 2022 at 3:50 AM

 

1 month ago. August 16, 2022 at 12:27 PM

Looking for new podcast suggestions. 

Current list:

Cautionary tales with tim hartford

Crazy in love

Crime junkie

Full body chills

Killer psyche

Loving BDSM

Our fake history

Ridiculous romance 

Sci show tangents

Scoundrel history's forgotten villian

The food that built America 

The opportunist

This podcast will kill you

I listen to podcasts a lot at work.

I try out new ones simetimes when none of the others have new episodes or I get bored with them and want something new. So I am looking for recommendations. Love to hear your suggestions 

11 months ago. October 21, 2021 at 11:49 PM

There are so many interesting people on here. I can start talking to someone and either know to start with or learn shortly in that there is no way for anything to progress beyond friendly flirting or chit-chat.  

How frustrating.  

Not only is it necessary to figure out who is looking for the same things you are and who is only pretending to be looking for the same thing, either in order to either stroke their ego or make use of my holes for their own gratification, but finding someone close to my location is also a trial. 

Add in my fairly busy schedule and I may as well trying to find a needle in a field of haystacks.  But despite that I stay optimistic and hopeful.  I am not in a hurry. I have wonderful friends male and female, Dom and sub. A couple of Doms who would like to be more but location location location 🙄. 

I am slowly rebuilding my profile after a split from my last Dom. It was a sad process but staying in one place mooning over the past and what cannot be is not healthy.

Time to move on and enjoy what life has to offer. 

 

I am curious what other people find to be the hardest obstacle in finding/meeting someone new?

For me I would say first location then mutual desires or cravings both sexual and non sexual.

1 year ago. August 25, 2021 at 1:21 AM

I am tasked with writing about my relationship with my Dom. I don't know what to say...

I am happy things are going well in and out of the bedroom. Whenever we have an issue in either place we calmly discuss it. Find a solution or understanding whatever is needed for the particular issue at hand.  

He is better than I could have hoped for. We thoroughly enjoy each other  and have many things in common. He pushes me to be the best me I can by being firm in areas where I need assistance and showing love and understanding when I am having a rough time.

Hoping that things continue to go well.🤞🤞😉💋😁

1 year ago. June 8, 2021 at 3:33 AM

Been stumbling about talking to a few people here and there trying to find the right Dom for me.  Well I really think that I have succeeded.  He is patient, kind and giving. Yet also stern and not gentle when needed or desired.  He wants what is best for me and is helping me to be a better person in ways that I want to be better. 

There are good people on here sometimes it just takes a bit to find the right match. I have been lucky in that I have met a few great Doms on here but have finally found a match.

🥂🍻

I think celebrations are in order😁🥳

 

1 year ago. March 11, 2021 at 12:40 AM

1 year ago. February 25, 2021 at 9:39 PM

Sometimes I get so tired of scraping things back together and starting over. I know that is the name of the game but it is frustrating. 

I have been told that I am unusual that I don't think like others. I guess I just don't understand why people don't seem to see things like I do.  Lol maybe it comes from being Aquarian.  

So I am back at it. No point in spending a lot of time where things are not right. Everyone should be able to be themselves and be accepted for who they are. Everyone is unique and worthy of being the best they can be and being loved and accepted for it.

I am new to blogging but I have found I enjoy it. Everyone here has been supportive and I enjoy the way people have differing opinions. I like to see different viewpoints that people are coming from. It is very fascinating. 

 

Best wishes to all😁

1 year ago. February 14, 2021 at 2:51 PM

I like to take time around my birthday to evaluate my life and decide if any changes need to be made. This year I think I have some major changes that need to be made. Last year I started in a direction that I thought would make me happy, due to covid I have not had the opportunity to truly find out.

I need to make a final decision about the person I am semi-seeing and things are going to have to radically change or time to move on to another opportunity.  Thankfully that should be resolved this week.

Work wise I am doing well. My family is in as good a shape as can be so all is well on those fronts. My house and car are in good shape though when the weather gets better more things will need to happen on the house constant improvements over time.

All in all I think most things are going well.  Only one fly in the ointment to deal with immediately so I can't complain to much as these changes are within my power to make. So congratulations to me and Happy Birthday and Valentines day to me.😁💘🥳

1 year ago. January 31, 2021 at 3:32 AM

How can you tell if a relationship has come to the point of time to move on?

 

This is the dilemma that I have been wrestling with for the past few months. How long to wait for something before your just wasting time.

 

I met a Dom on this site and just as we started to get to know each other and had met a couple times once in public and once at his house then COVID hit. We never got to the point of making things official.  We are just in some kind of weird holding pattern. He got extremely busy. We haven't been able to spend much time together.  When we can I think we have a great time. He said he enjoys our time together and wants more. Unfortunately this is only about every other month and sometimes only for a couple hours at most. We have never done a scene or even had any kind of sex. A little kissing and touching and me giving oral. Neither of us has been seeing anyone else. Lately it seems he has been losing interest.  I have been getting more frustrated and sad maybe even a little depressed. I just can't help but think that if he really wanted to see me he would find a way. We only live an hour apart. I have tried to come up with ideas even so far as traveling to where he happens to be.  He travels a lot for work. I will admit I don't have much confidence in myself. I need the reassurance that he thinks of me and misses me and wants to see me.

 

He says he wants communication so I tried to regularly tell him what I'd going on with me and what I am thinking.  But the communication seems to be mostly one sided. He doesn't seem to open up to me unless we are in person. I am thinking I misinterpreted what he meant by communication. He will text me if I text first but rarely if ever does he text first. Phone conversations I could count on one hand and video chats are a never. Maybe I have been to needy or asked for to much. If so why not just be straight with me and tell me?

 

Recently he was supposed to text me and let me know if he had to go out of town, this was on a Wednesday and he was supposed to text by Thursday to let me know.  I heard nothing from him and I waited and waited. Finally on Saturday night I texted him needless to say I was upset. I didn't rant I just let him know he had hurt me and I was angry.  (Mostly angry with myself for allowing him to be important enough to hurt me). Turns out he had a family emergency which is why he didn't text on Thursday.  Which is fine but I thought that by Saturday I would have deserved a short text to let me know what was going on.

 

He says he expects and gives respect but I don't feel very respected. I asked him to let me know when he wants to see me and have stopped texting. I don't want to play games but I don't like the feeling of being so low on someone's priority list that I can't be bothered with. Kind of squashes my already low confidence and self esteem. 

 

I don't want to give up but I don't want to be disrespected and treated like an afterthought either.

 

Feels a little better to just let it out.