Random thoughts

At work we have this lovely thing we have to do called StandOut. The weekly check ins are annoying but you take this test and mine came out really spot on. Every week they send you a tip. Mine today was: 

"Remember: your strength is your ability to see the best in others. They sense that, if they stick with you, you will make them a vital part of something significant. And so they are drawn to you."

I have always said my engery is like flies to a light. For me this makes sense, and is true. It's why I think I thought teaching was the career for me. (Turns out it was not)

But let me tell you the down side of always being the one is everyone looks to. sadly more often than not I get used. When I need something it's crickets...when I need a shoulder or anchor.....nothing. or as I have heard to many times your vital right as you are.....I am a bit over it. 

I am sorry for venting about this double edge sword. I am a helper....it is what I have been put on this earth to do. 

When it comes to submitting..being in a dynamic I think there are a lot like me. Who are helpers....people pleasers. Some of us (cough cough) get off on praise. There has to be a line drawn a hard limit. I have seen it over 26 years (damn it feel old) of being in the community where the checking in and really understanding and listening does not happen as much as it should. 

My question to those in the dominant type role is have you really truly checked in? Not just are you good...ok. dig deeper....then dig deeper more. 

I am finally I think on the tail end of this thing. Wow I have had stomach bugs, but this was pure evil. It has taken 4 days well today is 5 to get over this.please be super careful out there friends. 

On a good note besides these few days I have been using the nourish app and working with a dietician! She is awesome and we are working on getting my eating under control. 30 grams of protein per meal it is insane that's 5 eggs. 5 ! Oh and I do need 2/3 cup cooked carbs or fruit at each meal. I need to quit sugar crap I am throughly addicted. 

Still the thought food is gross.lol

Stay healthy everyone. ?

When you have so much you want to say but not enough courage to say it. 

I want to say everything that is on my mind...but honestly I don't know if it is worth it. I have typed paragraphs only to delete them. 

Maybe I am in a funk. Maybe I am just scared. Maybe and more likely it's a combo. 

8" to 12" is headed our way here in the Adirondacks. Happy Thanksgiving...with a one horse open sleigh! 

Shoveling will be my exercise! I have lost another 5 pounds and I am determined to get healthy. 

I hate that my bank decided that this website was fraud and so I am off my premium for the moment until I get a new card in the mail. Such a pain. 

I hope everyone has an amazing Thanksgiving!!

It has been a long time since I have taken the time to write. I have been working on myself and fully admit I am a work in progress. 

I have changed everything I eat, despite my knee healing I have been going to a therapeutic pool and doing pool workouts, and a lot of internal evaluation. 

During a complete disaster of a winter I let myself go. It started off with a partial knee replacement which was fine till a quadriceps distal tendon rupture during physical therapy. That was painful and I do not recommend!!! I sadly use food as a coping mechanism and add to that my complete lack of mobility I let myself go. 

I am improving..I feel stronger..a tiny bit confident...and committed to doing this. Lack of confidence and self worth has always been a massive struggle for me.

Part of holding myself accountable is sharing so thank you for reading! ?

Have an amazing day, and unclench your jaw! ?

I just saw a tik tok where a creater by the name thatdemonicbaker has a tamagotchi attached to her water bottle. Every time she it beeps to be taken care of she drinks water. 

Freaking genius! 

I use finch. I love my bird, but I can so do both!!! Finch app is awesome btw!!! Message me if you want to know more.

Doms get your sub a fun bottle and attach a tamagotchi to it!

I just bought a grogu one! ?

Sometimes it is ok just to be sad.

She's a fixer with no one to fix her. She's a lover who won't love herself. She's a heartbreak away from a horrible place. 'Cause fixers never fix themselves

She's a fighter with no one beside her In a corner alone on the ropes. She's a let down away from a terrible place. She'll fix every scar but her own

Oh, she fixes the lonely, fixes the broke. But tends to forget who needs fixin' the most. Buried in bandages, hiding the hell 'Cause fixers never fix themselves

She's a liar, a calm to the fire. Shamed when we all follow suit. She's a whisper away from a dangerous place. 'Cause lies aren't a fix for the truth

Oh, she fixes the lonely, fixes the broke. But tends to forget who need fixin' the most. Packed with prescriptions, disguising the hell. 'Cause fixers never fix themselves

She's a handful. A whole lot to handle. But worth every thorn in my side

She's a sunset away from the darkest of days. No fix for the fixer tonight. She's a sunset away from the darkest of days. No fix for the fixer tonight

This song resonates with me. I am a fixer and as I am working on myself sometimes forget when others come along in need. 

The truth in these words reside with me tonight. I am a strong women, I have accomplished so much, and have big things I am going to accomplish in the future. 

I like to be anchored through those seas. Have someone to fall on when I am feeling overwhelmed. To get a high five for doing a simple task or just because. 

D/S relationships are built upon strong foundations with trust, and communication. In all my years in the community it is not that submissives are weak...we aren't we just simply need someone who is stronger than us. 

For you I offer a Haiku I created: 

Moon rises at night

His howl I hear in song

Felt deep inside me