Journals after Midnight

In the silence of the night, I found myself here, again.

For others, this might be simply a place to find someone to have a scene with, or to try their luck to seek their person with kinks aligning them. For me, this is a place where I observe the people brave enough to put themselves out there and interact. All i can do at this moment is to observe. Thus, the name I use. Ever in the shadows, ever observing.

Despite the constant pace of life and the real life demanding more of my time, I find myself back here again for no reason. But I realize some things: I have grown and improved in some areas of my life and yet there are things that might have stayed the same. Like the way I observe people here. I thought I have gathered my confidence to even talk to a Dominant again but alas, all I can do is love profiles, read blogs and visit the Lobby every now and then. 

Was it loneliness? the inability to trust? my cautious nature? I'll tell you when I find the best answer to describe it.

For now, I'll be in the shadows, observing

On the Periphery, O

Note: this one's supposed to be my introductory blog but 'Dilemma Dilemma' got me writing and I lost the first draft of this blog so here it goes:

Hello and I am The Observer and you're reading Journals After Midnight, a blog containing all my observations, amusements, thoughts, and inquiries written in the dark. This is where I get to spill some of my thoughts without judgement, only fair share of thoughts and of course, to also learn from the answers of the people who reads these blogs. 

I just hope, in the following times, I can guarantee it is safe for me to let out more of what I think and observed in this lifestyle, as someone researching about it, someone as interested about it, and someone who is looking for answers. And also, find friends.

On the periphery, The Observer.

to be honest, this is not the first post I am planning to share to you, but sometimes, the things unexpected happens. And yeah, one way or another I'll be asking this question. It's just the day has ended on a bad bad note.

we can't stop bad days from coming to us, fucking us up whatever opportunity it gets, and we have different ways on coping against it. Dear Dominants, submissives and switches, how do you deal with a bad day? do you bring it in the sheets, lashes it out in whips and canes? how do you still reign it down when anger and frustration wants to control you and go primal? do you tell your Dominants about it? can they be sweet with you? help you out? can we, people looking for a place in the world to be free and unapologetic of what we have and who we are, be polite when we're emotionally compromise? to tuck away the demons we deal with in our minds when bad days come?

I read in some website regarding the mental health of the people practicing BDSM lifestyle, that they are mentally healthy in contrary of how it is perceive by media and what the society thinks. It is an assurance for people who wander the lifestyle, but for people having trouble with the mind, it can be a bit intimidating and hesitating to come out of the comfort zone and interact with other people in the lifestyle. 

As an observer and a submissive and someone who is hesitant and dealing with the troubles of the mind, I know I need a therapy, but aside from that we have different ways of dealing this (as I said while ago). Maybe the fact that my identity is hidden I have the guts and the confidence to share this with you, my reader, that I sometimes want to cope with my bad days through BDSM. I may be a sub but I am a dominant outside, fighting and breaking the rules, being that bad bitch, cause if you don't fight for yourself, then who else? but at the end of the day, I retreat to my walls and drain all the adrenaline and fight from me, and it always feels like something heavy and violent is taken away from you. I desire a Dominant that can put me down, drain it all out, the anger, the fight, the thinking. To just let me be his sub. Let's be real, he doesn't have the solution, no one does but ourselves, but we need someone who will accompany us on the way there.

On the periphery, O.