Today I get to devote my body to the Sadism Challenge.
I have chosen my right breast and written SC on it. Then I smacked it 30 times as hard as I could stand. Before getting to work I edged myself and am now a very wet and needy girl.
I haven't taken a picture yet but I plan to at lunch.
I can't contain my excitement.
It has been a long time since I have done BDSM related tasks. My submissive personality and drive is just itching to begin. Normally, I am quite shy about pictures and the like but the idea of posting proof here is making me squirm.
I will have to think on it because I will need to get premium or post links from imgur... We are allowed to do that, right?
A slave without a collar, chasing after her Master. Everyday I care for him. I still iron his clothing, oil his beard, make his breakfast, pack his lunch.
I watch him, keep up with every detail and every word. His every need I strive to anticipate. He should want for nothing but he does want. He wants what I cannot give. He has long since stopped sharing what it is he wants. He has long since packed my collar into a box that sits deep in the closet with the rest of our gear.
He doesn't watch out for me much, anymore. Doesn't see me struggle, see my sadness, see me. He is always kind and if I say how I am feeling he does a thing or two to try to make me smile. I know he cares, I am just not often on his mind.
We have talked, shared, tried. Nothing. Every promise made to fix this rift has been broken, forgotten, ignored.
I serve him still, he says he still wants me. He still loves me. He just doesn't need me like he used to.
I will still be useful. I will still serve. I keep his day going. I can be part of his life. I do not kneel. I am not taken by the hair. I don't wear the collar, but I am still his slave.
It seems that these titles have gone under a transformation. When I started in the lifestyle, most communities held it as good manners for submissives to call Dominants Sir and Miss. Now I come across more people that view those honorifics as something only those they own may use.
I miss expressing my submissive state and my respect by using those honorifics. I hope change comes again and makes it more acceptable.
Kneeling is a statement.
I kneel to express my submission, my respect, my desire, and my position.
When I kneel, I feel like my true self. I feel like I am finally free though I am under Your control. I feel powerful, yet vulnerable.
On bended knee, I serve, I worship, I love, I lust.
Lately, I feel so useless and terrible.
I try to be a part of places but end up pushed out for not conforming to the styles of the popular.
I try to express myself but end up being told I am undesirable, wrong to feel the way I do, and just whiney.
I am starting to feel like I have developed a victim complex. I just want to be involved, included, liked, wanted.
So if I offend you. I am sorry. I don't mean it. I don't understand how I am doing it. Please forgive me.