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Coming out of Hiding

A place to share my thoughts as I finally start my journey in the lifestyle, and explore the desires and needs I've kept hidden for so long.
6 hours ago. Jul 14, 2020, 2:02 AM

I've been chatting with a Daddy Dom for a bit now, and this evening we are finally meeting in person to have dinner.

He's agreed to drive the 60 miles north to meet me in my city, since I feel more comfortable here for first meetings of any kind.

He respects my boundaries so far, and is patient. 

I'm nervous, which I know is normal, but I wish it wasn't. 

I've got my noonlight app, and the knife my dad got me for self defense, just in case. 

Butterflies in my stomach, please go away. 😣

3 days ago. Jul 11, 2020, 7:34 AM

My laugh for the evening

 

1 week ago. Jul 7, 2020, 7:13 AM

The past 7 days have not been what I expected, especially today. 

Had a new lead on the floor tonight who demanded I work the conveyor belt... Someone explained to him for me that I can't, it makes me sick. No fucks were given. 

Long story short, it made me sick and on the way to the bathroom, the lead grabbed my arm, and demanded to know where I was going. Motioned to him I was going to be sick, and baño (bathroom) one of the few Spanish words I've been able to learn so far. 

He told me no, very firmly, and pushed me back towards my post. Much to my horror, I ended up being sick on the floor. I don't think I've ever cried so quickly before. I was completely mortified. 

He sent me home 3 hours into my 10 hour shift, and had one of the girls translate that I needed to find new work if I couldn't do my assigned task here correctly. 

So I'm home early, crying, probably shouldn't be, while desperately sorting through jobs that pay anywhere close to a livable wage, that isn't a 30-40 minute drive out of town, because gas is expensive and I can't afford to fill up every two days.

This represents how I feel inside right now. 😭

 

1 week ago. Jul 1, 2020, 12:37 PM

It's 3:30 in the morning, and nobody else is awake to chat lol. The cage has become a bit of a second home in the short time I've been here, so I hope you guys are okay with me getting all this off my mind lol.

So, I had my first shift tonight at my new job. It sucked, then it was awesome. 

Started out with working on a conveyor belt processing line, which I was able to handle for all of 10 minutes before my motion sickness set in. 😭 I dealt with it for two hours until they sent me to lunch, at which point I promptly ran across the way to the store and bought some dramamine (motion sickness meds). Popped two of them and went back to the hamster wheel conveyor belt. 

It didn't work. If you have motion sickness, you know how bad that is. I fought it for another SIX fucking hours. Clenching my jaw the entire time and singing random songs in my head is all that kept me from seriously fucking up everyone's night, and making them hate me. 

8 hours in, and I couldn't do it anymore. I let my shift leader know I was going to the bathroom. She noticed how wobbly and pale I was, and asked me if I was okay before I had a chance to run for it. I told her what was up, and she said to take all the time I needed.

20 minutes, one serious loss of lunch, and lots of dry heaving later, I shuffled miserably to the water dispenser, then once more returned to the hamster conveyor belt of doom. At this point, I was starting to worry I wouldn't last long at this job, and I was starting to panic a bit while looking around at anything but this fucking conveyor. My lead, bless her, noticed, and after 20 minutes wondered off. Turns out she'd gone to let the supervisor know, and he found me a different position to move to! 

You guys, I was almost in tears at the fact that they were so cool with moving me to a different location in the factory. 

I kicked ass in the location I've been moved to, and they're cool with me staying there.

One problem thankfully solved. However... I can only communicate with ONE of my co-workers! The rest of them speak Spanish only. It was interesting trying to communicate with the rest of the crew, but we made it happen through lots of hand signaling and pointing lol. 

60 hours a weeks, finally getting my online schooling started again, and learning a new language. 

Wish me luck. 😂😭

2 weeks ago. Jun 30, 2020, 6:38 AM

2 weeks ago. Jun 29, 2020, 11:56 PM

2 weeks ago. Jun 29, 2020, 4:48 AM

2 weeks ago. Jun 25, 2020, 5:00 AM

I'm a heavier gal, and have been working on losing the weight for the last year and a half. Within the last 3 months I have really started embracing and loving myself, and appreciating the changes I've gone through. I mean REALLY appreciating them.

Under my chub, you can feel solid muscle.

I can lift 90 pounds without much struggle.

I can now cross my legs quite comfortably, and feel rather sexy when I do. Thor would approve. 😏

2 weeks ago. Jun 24, 2020, 6:01 PM

I've got an interview for a better paying job this morning, and while I'm confident I'll get it, I'm also pretty nervous. I went out to sit in my backyard for a bit, hoping it will calm my nerves some, and this beauty graced me with a visit. 

 

3 weeks ago. Jun 22, 2020, 4:34 AM

So don't fucking call me by a pet name.

I'm not your sweetheart, I'm not your doll, your baby girl, your darlin. 

You don't know me. You don't know anything about my life, who I am, what makes me tick, you don't even know if I enjoy being called by a pet name!

Calling me a pet name when I am not yours will do nothing but piss me off. 

So please. Don't. 

If you can't respect that, then kindly fuck off.