Falling for an Idea

I've followed through with my decision to no longer look for a Dom, or more specifically, a person who could fill that role. 

Why? 

Lack of patience.

Lack of confidence.

Lack of *care*.

My last attempt ended in February, at the beginning of this year, after I spent two years trying to figure out what or where I sat with a guy who talked a great game but had no capability of following through.

Unless it was strictly only on his terms - those terms, btw, didn't include me at all but they certainly included others he was more than happy to discuss with me. At length.

When informed he had hurt me at the end of it all, he had no response whatsoever - no apology - but had the certain gall to tell me "I'm not looking for anyone else." 

One girl, per one state, not including your wife.

"Just a joke", btw.

Before him, I spent a while trying to work out why is it that Dom-orientated people only wanted me when I didn't want them, or used me as a sounding board for their poor personal life decisions like a free therapist. After a long conversation with a close friend, it was agreed that it's the Mustang Fantasy. It's not about me at all. It's the need to control the wild and free because it makes D-types uncomfortable. 

So, I did my own Shadowwork. I worked on myself and my issues. I came to decisions that has royally made people angry, but made my life substantially easier:

1. Casual means casual. There's no hanging out, no dates, food or movies or overnight because *casual* means *boots call*. 

2. Girlfriend benefits are earned. Not assumed. Casual sex doesn't get Girlfriend Benefits, just like Dating/Situationship/FWBs doesn't get Wifey benefits. It's all earned, discussed and agreed to. The assumption of entitlement to be cared for by people you don't care about in turn? It's over.

3. Kinks are to be agreed on. Without exception.

4. My time is my time, and the standards I want are the bare minimum.

5. Disrespect is met with Disrespect.

.... 

The argument could be that thus is all common sense. It's really not. It's become uncommon and the amount of upset egos I've had to roll my eyes at, "I don't want to be used but I want to use you!" is phenomenal.

Far too many D-types think that they are entitled to my submission without earning it, or they are entitled to doing as they please without my consent. 

Well, no.

The consequence of years of that behaviour from multiple people is that I don't bother looking. I enjoy my time in the community, and I spurn interest from people who aren't ready to match me. 

If one good one comes along, good luck to them. 

I ran into a new game today. 

It goes a little like "Surprise Sub: We're looking for a Third!"

The male contacted me, "Friends only" but very quickly started trying to play his charm on thick. Suggesting we meet for coffee in a Carpark, "I want to put a voice to that enticing face!"

Going on about waiting for the "right" one, how he wasn't talking to others, displaying jealousy over other men (my friends) talking to me. 

I declined his invitation. I have no intentions of meeting anyone outside of my household at all and what he's offering, I'm not buying. 

So, it only takes two days and a submissive is listed on his profile. Rather quick but hey, sometimes it happens. I was genuinely happy. Maybe the heavy charm would knock off. Nope. 

They've been "together for two days but we're considering third"... Really? That's VERY quick.

Now, at this point, I have to say - I HATE unicorn hunters. I especially loathe ones who think they're being sneaky by hiding the sub and being deceptive.

I backed off, still cordial and friendly but not biting. He got *shitty*. Very defensive. Very "Well, I'm sure someone is missing out on you."

If they are, they're not my kind. Just like you.

I ran this all by a friend who laughed, "Are they serious? He didn't bother to figure out that you'd see this coming? You're no one's second option. And all this in four days? Jesus."

I haven't had someone hide a submissive partner on me before. Now I know better, and I have less reasons to trust. 

Like I didn't have a laundry list already.

Being sick, sucks. 

I haven't had the energy or drive to even play with my dog. 

Hopefully it racks off soon.

I have no one to rant to but having said that, here it is:

(Rolly is not their real name and will not lead back to them at all. Johnny is also a made up name. To be absolutely clear. It's not even close to a nickname for either.)

Your profile states you like "timely polite and articulate responses" and that you grow "weary of people who cannot respond on time."

Well, you have a shit history with me Rolly.

When it comes to answering promptly yourself.

In fact, if I have to prod you to answer my messages - your communication skills are lacking.

I set up the messenger thing (I hate messenger with a passion) so you could verify I was a real person however, my FB profile is locked tighter than Fort Knox so all you could see is a "So when is the apocalypse?" Bird meme and probably some profile picture changes. 

I gave you a second chance because I'd thought I'd been too hard on you before, and maybe you had things going on. 

So, after you responded to my prompt to rely (12 hours after the initial message), you told me you had to do weekend shopping on a Monday then disappeared again. At 9PM, I sent a message which asked if I should bother continuing to try to engage with you since all signs pointed to your not being as nearly interested as you made out. I let that go for 12 hours - you were active on the other side during this time and I know messenger gives alerts so it's not like you missed it and working from home isn't an excuse - My housemate is able to chat and work at the same time. While on MT.

So, I blocked you and it's funny how immediately after I blocked you - you read the message and another profile contacted me. As in, the same minute. 

I don't play these games Rolly.

You might but I don't.

Apparently you do this a lot. Just like Johnny.