I'm coming at this from my own learning, my own experiences, a monogam-ish viewpoint, and based on "set roles," not switching
Simply put, two Humans meet and mutually decide to engage in a power exchange dynamic, fulfilling specific roles, activities, and actions.
The agreement follows that Human A will hold some form of agreed-upon authority, while Human B agrees to respect, obey and honour Human A's "authority".
Note the operative words, mutually and agrees on; Power Exchange must be consensual and must be carefully negotiated, based on the level of exchange.
Once the roles are determined, you need to decide on duration/logistics/how, etcetera, etcetera, et al.,
1. Bedroom Only
2. Intermittent, I.e. date nights, allocated weekends
3. Lifestyle choice (24/7)
Then, they may decide on what kind or level of power is involved;
1. Control/Authority is only and occasionally assigned to play activities without sex
2. Control/Authority is assigned to play with sex
3. Control/Authority is given outside the bedroom on a restricted or selected certain day-to-day activities.
4. Examples include but are not limited to
diet control
5. making big life choices
6. toilet control
7. what to wear (outer or undergarments, or
both)
8. how you wear your hair
9. day routines (bedtime, wake times, what
time eat, etc).
10. Control/Authority is given over all day-to-day activities but not in the bedroom
11. Control/Authority over day-to-day only is during the weekend and play, but not during work hours
12. Total Power Exchange (TPE) including day-day life choices, in play and during sex.
13. Mental Domination
This is not the only range of setups. They are just some examples of dynamics I have experienced or observed.
A PE dynamic is an intensive one, which allows total control over one human, as Uncle Ben told his budding nephew "With great power comes great responsibility".
The responsibility however shouldnt be one sided!
Beauty in Removing Ambiguity means you are more open to the unknown...
I feel a PE offers a set of requirements that are
- unambiguous,
- clear, and
- reliable
This provides a clear framework that everyone can work to, in their own unique way, while using the same foundation of agreements.
Everyone knows what is expected of them, when, and how they must respond to that; Ambiguity is removed.
When clear consistent behaviors (not words) have occurred, over time, which I do not need to believe or think I can trust, but instead, I know I can trust and rely on all the Ambiguity is removed. There is a clear set of expectations, that does not require second-guessing, chasing up, clarifying, renegotiating, checking bases have been covered, the pre/during/after plans are in place (and there are alternatives in place just in case, or I am assured enough at least), it is at that point, for me at least, when the brain relaxes, I know the person is competent, conscious, PREPARED, and I do not need to think. I can Just do, I can let go and submit.
I have personally experienced;
- A PE dynamic that controlled my day-to-day and in the bedroom, but I had some say in some things, so this was not a TPE
- PE In non-sexual play only
- PE in Day to day, but not bedroom
- PE in guided solo play
Relating PE to Autism.
When you remove Ambiguity from the day-to-day happens of a relationship (friends, partner, playmates, dynamics), you make space for Humans to turn up as they are. How does PE support Auties (a few examples)
1. Ambiguity & Reliability Vs Openness
When Humans can be who they are without the "fear" of was I being rude? Am I being too loud? Am I allowed to say that? Do they want me to do it this way? Were there too many commands/instructions/words I can't keep up with?, then they can let go of those feelings caused by negative Ambiguity and move towards an openness of going with the flow.
Most people work well with structure. But, it is essential for ASDs in particular. There is a need for a clear framework for reliability in those around us to a degree of predictability. Those things, by proxy, can offer a tremendous amount of reassurance and validation without asking for it.
2. Poor Interoception vs. Diet and Health
Poor interoception refers to the physical internal working of a person's body not sending out the proper signal to alert them to the fact that they are hungry, tired, need a pee, are dehydrated, are too warm or cold, etc.
Being in a PE where there is an agreement on control over certain aspects of Day-to-day means that Person A may set tasks that involve eating at certain times or having a set bedtime. Over time, this improves Person B's (the Stypes) health and well-being, but it also allows Person A (the D Type) to have that feeling of control in observable and measurable ways so they can observe their impact.
3. Rituals Vs. Transition Time/Routines
Rituals can be transformative for many humans. They help people to psyche themselves up, to calm themselves down, to regulate feelings, and to get into the right headspace.
Autistic Humans don't always stick to them, but we need routines. They help us to regulate what's next or expected. They help us to be efficient and increase our executive functioning.
Routines/Rituals also gift us time to transition. It is widely known that when an autistic human is in a state of hyper-focus, or concentrating hard on masking, or trying to fit in, it forces them to switch up, causes meltdowns. For an autistic this is physically painful and has been found to have similar effects to whiplash but in your whole. body, not your neck.
Using rituals to begin a scene, for example, is a powerful way of helping an autistic to transition from chilling on the sofa, to being ready.for a scene, to switch from play to sex to go from being quiet to a party animal.
This could look like
- Making use of Submissive poses and making them wait in that pose prior to play
- Putting on a play collar
- Asking them to set up the toys or for a scene
- Asking them to clear up from a scene to down-regulate after play to prepare for aftercare
- Telling them how to wash and give them.specific instructions on how to get ready and arrive at the location of a scene and what to do on arrival... etc.
I personally do not mix impact and play with sex. Sex, to me is a separate event. I need time to transition and reflect. I used to be given routines to engage in before play, and I found this incredibly cathartic, allowing me to "fall in" to subspace easily and to go deeper.
4. Decision Making
In PE when Person A makes a decision it relieves a huge pressure burden for Autistics, and anxiety which could lead to depression for some (i eventually get over it, and mkve on, but many cannot). People with Autism can struggle with a phenomena known as decision paralysis, and/or demand avoidance; this also affects ADHDers, and other NDs but a lot of research has focused on ASD and found that for ASDers the fear of making the right choose is a metcongnitive one based on trying to maximise output, while for some other NDs decion making skews more towards impulsively.
PE decision control could look like
- Making a decision on what to eat, or where to go
- Limiting choices (pizza or fish)
- Triggering thr autistic need to work with logic by offering specifc limits; price (up between £8.25 & £9.97); time limit (you have 4mins and 20second sets alarm); location (must be from this quarter of this self); colour (must be black, cannot have glitter) etc.
- Taking away choices completely
I enjoyed PE dynamics, and I would happily walk into one again. I am submissive and love to serve.
But..... Questions to consider...
1. Do I enjoy PE because I am autistic and need the structure it gives? And, do I choose submission or am I submissive because I dont have to decide much else?
2. Is being in a PE masking, or stabilising?
3. Is it "fair" to enter a dynamic and expect so much from someone if I don't understand the answers to the first 2 questions, and can share this?
4. Am I turing up authentically?
5. Are they aware of the importance that some aspects of PE control may have what would happen if suddenly removed?
6. Are the being given the chance to maoe informed decisions into what exactly they are being asked to engage in?
7. Can breaking down these questions help me to identify what is needed Vs what is wanted in a dynamic or relationship?
8. Is being autistic and in a dynamic just a match made in heaven?