Finding Me

My beloved Master, my heart is so full tonight.  You are so special to me. You have taught me so much about myself.  I have learned that I am a sensual person.  I need touch and sex and pleasure. I am a bit of a bad girl, but only for you. You have brought out all of me - the good girl and the bad girl.  And you let me know everything about me is perfect to you. You have also given me so much confidence in myself. I know that you see me as beautiful in every way. 

And our intimacy is incredible. Before you, I had only known vanilla sex. You opened my eyes up to a world of pain and pleasure that combine into ecstasy. No one has ever made me feel the way you feel. You are my lover, my friend, my Master, and my entire world.

When you ask me what you mean to me? It is very easy to explain. You mean everything to me. You are my world and I belong to you. I love you, my Master. 

The anticipation had been building for over a month.  Juggling schedules, trying to find a few stolen minutes of alone time - it wasn't enough. I love you, my Master, so much. I hunger for your touch. Finally, today we were together again.  I wish I could explain how much today meant to me. 

In our play, there are times when we focus on training or stretching, others when the emphasis is more on pain. Today was all about pleasure. Intense pleasure, edging again and again until I was thrashing and begging you for release. The pleasure when you finally gave me permission was overwhelming.  My cries shook the house.  Then the incredible intimacy of making love to you, wanting nothing more than to give pleasure to my beloved Master.  And the joy of hearing you call my name. 

Master - today you satisfied every part of my body and made my heart sing. I am so grateful for these special times when we can be together. I love you, my Master. Thank you for today. 

Do you believe in destiny? I never did until I met Master. Then I loved him from almost the moment we met. And despite every obstacle and every problem, we fell in love and have stayed in love. Sometimes our love has felt like a rollercoaster, but we have always found our way back to each other.

Is that destiny? We found each other by chance even though we live half-way across the world from each other.  We have survived multiple problems.  It is not easy, but the choice at the beginning of every day is always: "Is this day better with or without Master?" The answer is always with Master. 

So I guess it is nice to think about destiny. And I believe it was my destiny to find Master and fall in love with Him. But in the end, it comes down to choice to stay together. And I CHOOSE you my Master, again and again, no matter what we go through. 

A slight touch

And I tremble.

A whisper in my ear

And I shake.

A soft kiss

And I melt.

Tied down and dominated

And I catch fire!

Today was a milestone. It marked one year since Master first gave me his collar. It hasn't been an easy year.  The collar came off and we walked separate paths for a while. There was heartbreak and tears, forgiveness and a renewal of trust. We have faced so many obstacles this year. Sometimes, it amazes me that we are here a year later still together. 

But the answer is really simple. My day is nothing without him. I yearn for him. I am empty without his humor, his care for me, his constant companionship. Master explained it best "A day without you is not a day lived." I am His. He is mine. We will face each challenge together because we saw what life was like without the other. It was empty and painful, and not a place we will go again. 

I love you Master. I am yours always. Thank you for this year. For your love, for always being there for me, for guiding me to be a better and stronger person, for your amazing giving ways, and for always being my rock. Happy Anniversary Beloved.

Yes I miss you

I miss seeing your face

Hearing your voice

But you are always with me

You are my first thought in the morning 

And the last before I close my eyes

You are with me throughout my day

And you are always just a text away

Yes I miss you

But you are never really gone

You are entwined in my heart

I am yours as you are mine

And we can never be truly alone

How do you share when your mind is clouded?

How do you trust when your foundation is lost?

How do you love when he isn't yours to hold?

How do you hang on when it is all slipping away?

And why keep trying anymore

I don't understand people sometimes. I would like to say that I am tough and smart and always a good judge of character. But unfortunately it simply isn't true. I am too trusting. I believe in people. I open my heart too easily. If I wouldn't do something wrong and manipulative, I find it hard to believe someone else would. Unfortunately, the world isn't like that. People lie and use others. They strike out for reasons I still don't even understand. 

And it hurts. When you trust someone, open your heart to help them and find out it wasn't what they told you? It just leaves you feeling empty and sad. I want to get angry and strike back. But that isn't who I am. It wouldn't do any good and would just hurt a lot of people. So I just continue to let the charade continue - not knowing why it began in the first place. Just knowing it isnt my place to knock it all down. I will protect myself and my Master. And hopefully next time, I will be a little smarter, a little tougher, and a little slower to trust. 

Free flow of words

They let them fall

Like the drops

of blood

On the white tile

Stained by

The memory

Of your body

Your smile gone

Taken away by

Words of

Careless people

Always speaking

Free flow of words

Free flow of blood

No more pain

No 

More

Words

She walked into the night, the wind howling around her. Lightning cracked overhead and thunder rumbled almost instantly, telling her the storm was close. When the sky brightened again, she paused. Looking up at the dark, threatening sky, she felt the electricity and violence of the storm beckoning to her. 

Slipping off her shoes, she ran lightly into the woods behind her house. She stopped beside a gnarled old oak tree as the first big drops of rain began to fall. Her soft, cotton summer dress was soon wet and plastered to her. She didn't care. She was one with the forest, with the storm.

She needed this release. Only the intensity of the thunderstorm could match the turmoil in her mind. She had hurt Him, doubted him. He was beyond displeased and had gone to bed without talking to her. Three words - you were wrong - kept echoing in her mind. These words and His disappointment drove her out of the house, out of the emptiness and pain into the storm. 

Holding onto their tree, she let the rain soak her and the storm rage overhead. Eventually, she fell to her knees and sobbed until her pain was spent. In the morning he found her, laying cradled in the roots of their old Oak tree - exhausted from her night in the storm. He picked her up gently and carried her home.