Life is a Journey. Not a Destination

Finding a partner proves to be a daunting task.

I'm interested in a romantic, emotional, mental, and physical connection. Finding someone that is going to fit all of those is not going to be easy. I get asked if I'm "looking for a Dom." The simple answer is no. Am I open to one, absolutely. On the other side, I'm not going to go out searching for him. I will continue on in my journey reading books, blogs, and forums. When the world goes back to our semblance of normal I will go to events and interact and have a great time. The right Dom for me will not come along because I was searching but because I am ready for him. 

I used to ask myself every day, "I'm not weird right? Everyone has different kinks."

I was highly sexual early on and that got me into a bit of trouble in middle school. After that, I learned to hide it better and not talk about sex. High school came along and it was normal to have sex with whoever spoke sweet words for long enough. I didn't want some skinny boy to take me in the back seat of his mom's car. So I didn't I stayed home and read erotica books on my own. One's that depicted a strong man and a woman who needed someone to dominate her. 

It was years later that I delved into BDSM stories and the knowledge that Dom's and Subs were a thing, but that it went even further than that. Into a world that accepted everyone no matter who or what you found pleasure in. Why is this not normalized? For years I hid the fact that I loved nothing more than keeping house and making whatever authority figure was present happy with my actions. I was a teacher's pet all my life and didn't realize that those attributes meant something more. Why is it that someone telling me "What a good job you did. I am so proud of you." meant more to me than anything else. I was unhappy for so long and so scared to vocalize what it was that made me happy. 

I've decided to stop hiding my desires and find out what is needed for the emptiness that I haven't been able to fill. Last night I took the All Tied Up San Diego, introduction course online and it made me happier and more excited than I have been in months. I decided to stop hiding from my friends. Turns out they had similar interests. I decided to put myself first.