Divided

I find myself thinking of myself as two separate women. One is a single mother who works hard to provide and care for her children. Who goes out to eat with co-workers if I have the time and money to splurge. And yes, I go to church and Bible studies because like everyone else, I need the discipline that comes with that kind of comfort.
The other woman craves the need to discipline others and strike a sense of respect into others. I crave walking into a room having the knowledge that all of who are in attendance awaits my instructions on how to make ME happy. I'm sure that what I'm describing cannot be anything new. It's only new to me because I'm coming to terms with it after years of trying to suppress all of my urges and needs. Not having the right kind of partner is particularly a very uncomfortable thing to deal with. Well I need to save some for later. Questions and comments are welcome to help better understand everything.