Still leaving

I never ever thought I would ever put these words down on paper. So to speak.

I miss her. 

I miss her voice. I miss her messages. 

I miss everything about her.

Would we have got together if it hadn't been for Covid. Probably and it would have been wonderful. 

Now a quote from one of my favourite films. 

Blade Runner.

Pity she won't live. But then again who does ? 

Sums it all up. 

Do we end up with who we should have ?

Do we live our lives for others ?

Do we sacrifice our feelings for others ?

I have been thinking about my past. 

The year of three winters was both a disappointment and also some amazingly funny moments. 

I was stationed in Germany and been with some of the bad boys of RAFG. In the form of my Squadron brothers. We had a reputation for partying and when push came to shove. Well we got the job done ! We were the best of the best. The absolute fittest hardest alcoholics on the planet. 

I had my warning notice for the British Forces South Atlantic, in the March of a year that would see some major changes in my life and that of my friends. 

Some and most survived, some have never came to terms of what they had to do. The squadron lost two dead, trying to save others. 

I should have been in Saudi with my squadron. Unfortunately for me the day Saddam Hussein decided to invade Kuwait. My plane left for my journey South. 

As soon as I got there I was in the office, I need to get back to Germany. 

Request denied. 

To say I was seething was an understatement. So I had to sit out my four month tour. 

On my birthday the Squadron deployed to Saudi. My misery complete because I wasn't on that plane 31 years ago to the day 

I finally get back to Germany and you will deploy to Saudi and the boys. Only to be told a couple of days later. You have just come back from down South you can't deploy. Another big disappointment.

So while the boys smuggled vodka,.beer and all other forms of spirits into a sober country. I had been stuck listening to the first killer whale of the season on the news. Darts between settlements and who had just bought a new peat cutter. 

Mind I did also get lost in a snow drift. Forced a C130 Herc to go round again. Get over taken by the bowser the Landy was towing . Had my L1A1 jam on a live fire exercise. 

Had fresh caught Salmon in the Globe. Caught a local trying to steal batteries off a 4 ton lorry. Got chased by an elephant seal on a beach at Sea Lion Island. Sent to Fox Bay to fix a generator as a punishment for not turning into work. We got snowed in for a week. Flown in a Chinook about 10 foot above the sea using the head land as a wind break because of high winds and driving snow.

I so wish I had gone to war with my Squadron brothers. It wasn't to be. I joined to serve my country and I did, I did 12 years. No medals I would never be in theatre of operations long enough. 

I went on to Saints, and another course. Then to "The G" 

Those are stories for another time. 

Even now t know it was my time for a tour down South. I still wish I had been in Tabuk with the best set of friends I ever had. 

How I sometimes miss those days 

Live for ever and we made Royal Air Force history.

The Standard is laid up at St Omar. On it is another battle honour. 

I was proud to serve with some of the best bad and bravest lads I have ever known.

Per Ardua Ad Astra.

I couldn't stay away. 

I have have done some reading and a lot of thinking.

So hear goes. 

If you get inside this hard exterior of mine, I will if you are in trouble or need my help.

Get out the boots put on the greens and with beret with blackened badge. Get the webbing and Bergen. Fill them a double combat load, grab a trusty L1A1.

Off we go for a walk in the park.

I can wear a blackened badge as I was posted to 1 Squadron RAF Regiment, even though I was TG5. 

Going to hell and back. Is not a problem. I have seen hell in one form or another at some point of my military career. 

As for the reading part. I have been called cold.

Well I can explain that as well, and it makes perfect sense. Especially after I did the test at the end and I passed with flying colours at around 80%.

Sorted The Good Pshcopath's Guide To Bossing Your Life.

Written by a Dr Kevin Dutton and Andy McNab.

That know gives a small look into my world. 

Thanks to those who replied to my post about leaving. Also to those who liked it as well.

My emotions were running a bit hot at the time. So after some thought I deleted everything. 

I have decided that the decision I made is for the best, and so as of the end of the month I am still going to leave. 

I hope you find what you are all looking for, and please enjoy your time here. It is not all bad but at this moment in time it is not for me.