My passion put to page…

I was bored today so I wrote this. Curious if anyone likes it. Posting it here even though I’m rarely on just in case someone does…

He was still fucking her. He’s used her mouth, her pussy, her ass, and before she’d come over he’d used your mouth and ass. You’d cum so many times with his permission while rubbing your clit raw watching them. She was on at least her fifteenth orgasm.

“Fuck… of fuck… FUUUUUCckk….!”

Sixteenth.

You were both exhausted. He’d been fucking all day. Between the two of you going on four hours now. Sure, he took a few breaks for water and such, but he was still going… Still hungry. He said he’d already had a dozen orgasms, not that you could tell with his fucking wizard powers. Full body orgasms he called them. That’s a woman thing! That cheater! He just seemed to get harder and more energized after it though… god you loved the way your husband fucked.

He seemed to slow down, giving the cake, your friend Lisa from accounting, a break. She was ragged. Her blonde head was all sex hair for days. Such a contrast to your brunette waves. God she looked so fucking hot. Your own orgasm was building as you thought about your husband cumming inside her. God you hoped he would so you could eat it from her pussy.

“Sir, can I cum sir?”

“No, slut.”

Fucking asshole!

“Yes sir.” You pouted while continuing to edge, but not pushing to finish.

He leaned down and gently pulled the cakes head up by her hair. Whispered something in her ear, and you saw her nod. She looked drunk.

Your husband left and came back with a glass of water for her.

“Slut, lick up her pussy juices and sweat. She’s too tired to move.”

You began to do as you were told, completely embarrassed to be licking the post sex sweat off of your friend from work! It was salty.

As you went about your task of licking up all of her sweat, and then moved down towards her pussy she rolled over to give you better access. Cleaning her was mechanical at first. Being sure to get her nice and clean. But then you could feel her getting wet from your tongue. She sat up, and grinned down at you, even exhausted as she was she really enjoying embarrassing you.

She looked behind you to something your husband was doing, grinned, and you felt his cock slide up against your sore asshole. Your pussy gushed.

They both made use of you as she grabbed your hair and ground her pussy against your tongue. His cock rhythmically deep inside you. The only hole down there he ever used. It was so familiar to have him up your ass, that sometimes you worried you were too loose for him to enjoy. Maybe that’s why you wanted him to have your friends? The embarrassment of that pathetic thought began to build your orgasm again. Your pussy twitched and you reflexively asked if you could cum, which came out as, “Mmaa mh cmm sthr?” With her dripping pussy using your tongue.

You were about to pull away so he could hear you when he said,

“No, slut.”

Fucking asshole! This one was torture to hold in. Your hormones were throbbing in your veins desperately craving release.

She let your tongue go to hear you cry out, and you begged him for what felt like ten minutes to let you cum as he fucked your ass. He continually denied you but when you grew shy he would command you to keep begging. Lisa had begun fingering herself watching you both.

Finally, after you were about to descend into blithering madness he told you to take a deep breath, and as he sped up his pace he ordered you to cum for him. You screamed. Your pussy flooded the bed like a damn breaking. Your ass clenched hard around his throbbing cock and some very undignified gurgles came from your throat as your brain fell out and your eyes rolled back in your head. You actually passed out.

You came to with your husband back inside his cake. Slowly and sweetly but insistently making love to her pussy. He was never like that with you anymore. Jealousy lit you up in best way. You loved seeing him be so tender with her. She had a look in her eye that felt familiar though… like she was about to fall apart for him.

Their spines roiled with orgasmic bliss, as she had a powerful and deep orgasm that started to bring tears to her eyes. His became firm and steely. Like a predator consuming his prey.

Fucking hell he was so hot right now.

He was moving her whole body now. She was surrendering to him. She began cumming for him, and just… lost control. She went fully multiorgasmic. She began cumming uncontrollably. Crying, tears streaming down her face. Moan after moan crescendoed as she blasted off into space. He held her body under his, his weight pinning her down as he continued to rhythmically fuck her, whispering into her ear. You could make out pieces…

“…Mine now. Give it all to me…”

“…Open my dear…”

“…My cock inside you…

You knew what kinds of things he was saying. He said them to you when you got married. When he conquered you. He was conquering her like he’d conquered you. You both felt a surge of jealousy, and an incredible desire and empathy for your friend. You crawled over to her, and cradled her face. Tears streaming down her face you kissed, and whispered to her “I love you. I love you now. We’re his. I love you.”

The words were bizarre. Like in a dream. You liked Lisa just fine, but love her? You’d never thought to love her before… but seeing her surrender. Becoming so open to your King… you couldn’t not love her. Because you were her. Or had been.

She reached out for you, and wrapped her arms around your waist, and wept tears of joy and longing. She was totally nonverbal, and even as he fucked her deeply, she kissed your belly and pubic bone between moans. He began to let her body down, and let her rest in your embrace.

You took a long time just loving on her. Her body so open and raw and beautiful. He left the room and came back with water and electrolytes for both of you.

When she was able to drink and calm down, she said, “Have you guys tried bringing Rebecca from sales over?”

He laughed as you gawked.

“My love, I think I have two queans now.”

Fucking Christ the bastard still hadn’t cum.

When I wake, I want to hear you getting my smoothie ready for me. Bringing me my morning vitamins. I want you on your knees for me, in the positions I’ve taught you, wearing your collar, and available for my cock if I so desire. I want to see you do it exactly the right way, with grace and excellence, and love in your heart.

Why? Because it’s sexy? Yes that’s true, I do find it sexy... the idea of my loyal fuck doll available for me at a whim. If my morning wood finds itself buried in you that does sound lovely... but that’s not it.

Do I want it because it’s convenient and meets my need for service? Well, yes that is nice. I do desire excellence from my slave, for her to serve me well and facilitate our lives together. I take pride in seeing the high quality of your attention... but no that’s not it either.

Is it hunger for control? To know that I’ve infiltrated your life and mind so deeply that you’ll obey me without a second thought? To know how thoroughly well fucked and owned you are? To feel just how deep inside you I am? Well, I do hunger deeply for this... but no that’s not it...

Each and every morning I wake up I can be the Master that I am, or I can be the many other versions of me I’ve been before in other lives within this life. I want your submission each morning to inspire me and remind me to live from that beautiful depth of my being, that longs for all of the levels mentioned above and more. Like a quantum state sparked into existence, you’re submission empowers and emboldens my Mastery. I want to be reminded of how valuable W/we are. 

This is what ritual brings into my life. What it means to follow a path, and do it again and again. To see you bend to my love, and then when I wake one day from a dream that has taken me somewhere else, to see you still in the shape of my love, to remind me to come home to you... this is what it means to me to own you.

...and today is the day she broke up with me. I met a woman, and for the first time in over 15 years loving felt effortless. Not just chemistry, not just comraderie, not just mutual fantasy. I fell in love.

It was only our third date this Sunday. She and I weren’t intending to try to make a deep connection. She isn’t ready for one. She’s about two weeks sober, and she’s doing the very courageous work of recovery. But despite ourselves, that’s what was manifesting between us...

So today as she was breaking up with me in the most respectful and clean way I’ve ever been broken up with, I fell in love.

I told her I will send her roses in 6 months. No matter where she is at, no matter where I am at.

I can’t help but hope in this moment that someday she’ll be my beloved slave, but even if I never hold her again I’m so glad I got to at all.  

Something that is at the very center of intimacy, and particularly kinky intimacy, is trust. It could be said that everything we do is ultimately centered in or around trust. As such, it behooves us to really understand and learn about not only what builds and preserves trust, but how it is rebuilt when it’s lost.

I don’t want to pretend to know everything, it’s a big school of learning. But I do know that something I commonly see people miss is this.

To build trust, you have to take risks. People focus intensely on how to say safe. They ask about all the ways their potential Dom/me has passed their tests, and all the ways in which they might be unsafe, and they keep throwing up tests to see if they pass. And that’s great! We all need to vet one another well. But, sometimes even when a reasonable experience comes along people will doubt themselves out of their own lives. They’ll feel unsafe because there is a risk involved, and they aren’t sure what risks they’re willing to take. 

We need to know these things. In kink, we are aware (or at least should be!) of what our risk profile is often in regards to the physical risks. We don’t often take serious stock of what our emotional risk profile is. What are we ready to risk emotionally? What do we truly need to take those leaps? Have we reconciled just how emotionally risky and intense what we’re praying for really is? Do we have a clear idea of where to start?

And this brings me to my second point. In my studies, I have learned that all relationships are like a game of catch. I pass you the ball, then you pass me the ball. In intimacy, this means taking risks. Risk is the ball. We need to start with small but desired risks. We need to actively ask for things that are at least a little bit scary for us. Things that truly excite us, because they really mean something to us. Start small and go bigger as we grow together.

I see kinksters regularly ask for intensity in place of vulnerability. Beg for their ass to be used to store a baseball and a cumdump, when what they really want is a Dom to claim them. Ask for a slave to lick their boots and grovel when what they want is to feel loyalty and be appreciated for their care.

We forget in our fetishization that what makes all of this so rich and juicy and desirable is that these are real people we want to turn into a living doll! Well, at least for me, that’s what makes this juicy. The fact that a real person wants to share this madness with me... it’s what makes me feel human.

Trust is a bridge we build together. It makes it stronger and stronger if we get real about our edges, and lean into them consciously. It keeps us safer and more conscious, and ultimately more accessible, if we both know how to test our partners, and how to actively lean into our risks.

When trust has been lost there’s a whole other level that comes in. In some ways, the moment trust is lost the whole relationship is lost. From this point forward it’s almost like rather than rebuilding the old you’re now building something new. Trust demands that we take a real step back from what was, and ask if we truly want what will be. The grief, anger, and hurt all need to be addressed, and then we need to ask ourselves “What risks do I want to take with this person now?”

And that’s the key to working through it to me. Forgiving, and asking ourselves for real how we want to be vulnerable now. What risk will I love to take with this person? Couples that get frozen after a breach of trust often don’t address this. They don’t take seriously what they wish to risk. It’s not even easy to get back to neutral sometimes, let alone go deep again. But this is what’s required! Risk.

By using risk as our barometer, this can give us an access point in to returning to depth. It can force us to ask ourselves what more do we really need to feel safe and vulnerable?... is that even what we want? How can I help her feel safe again to take a risk with me?

I hope these questions make you think, and help you find the risky life you desire too.

Stay safe out there.

For those that have ears to hear, Listen.

My opinion, having watched people struggle in this lifestyle for quite some time on both sides of the slash, is that people need to stop asking if the person they’re across the proverbial table from is a “real” Dom or Sub, and start asking if they are intrigued by them as a person. We are all showing up to this website, showing off our leather and our rope and our buttplugs. The very fact we’ve arrived here shows we all want this to some degree. The next question should be “Do I like and think well of this person?” Rather than “Are they able to do the thing I like?”

When we dream of a life and try to force or trick it into existence, be it a vanilla marriage, weekly anal orgies, 24/7 live in D/s, or whatever, there’s inevitable disappointment. We have a stencil that we’re trying to match to a portrait, and we don’t take the time to admire the painting for what it is. Choosing to be interested in power exchange is a lifestyle choice. Not a way to control the outcome of your intimacy. I promise that never works.

In the search for what we want it can seem like we shouldn’t ask for too much. That we shouldn’t crave every little bit of what we long for. But to me this is backwards. We’re withholding our deepest desires from the world, hoping that it’ll meet us halfway. We’re trying to control the universe by negotiating for part time custody of our longing. This just isn’t going to work though! Your desires are your gift. Your loneliness is what makes you a delectable treat and desirable partner! Yes, it needs cleaning from your childhood wounds and attachments, but the fact that you long deeply for something specific is what makes you a perfect match for your persons.

When you live the fullness of your loneliness and longing with joy and excitement you become irresistibly attractive. I mean, who sees a throbbing aching set of genitals of their choice and doesn’t want to engage with them? Who doesn’t want to dive into the heat of their partners desires and lick up every drop?

The key is that you can’t wait for the universe to do it for you. Don’t wait for your Dom to come along and wake up the sub in you. Be her now. Don’t wait for a slave to finally surrender her ass to you and validate your authority. Become the leader you feel in your heart. And yes, that means separating your fantasies of yourself from your real longings, and embodying your actual desires. But it’s worth it. 

If we try to get life to do the work for us, the work of becoming ourselves, life will refuse us endlessly. If we become who we are meant to be inside and radiate our longing, life can’t help but be enthusiastic to match us, and help us go even deeper. Sex love and relationship isn’t about happiness, it’s about growth. Happiness is the byproduct.

So I have been poly for the last 16 or so years. When I became poly, it was not popular. There were no people who were poly, particularly in southern Oregon. So for me that meant continually educating and convincing people that it wasn’t cheating or just an excuse to sleep around. I’ve been educating my lovers on the ins and outs of polyamory for most of my adult life, and at this point I’m sick of it.

And yet, I can’t abandon it. Because the few times that I’ve experienced the true openness of freedom that comes from the sovereign boundaries of being poly, I’ve never felt more loved and appreciated. My ex wife and I were poly. Polyfidelitous, specifically. We dreamed of a family together with another wife. We dreamed of living on land, raising children, growing our own food. The crunchy hippy poly dream. We bought three rings (we’re cheap folks) when we got married, fully intending to meet and fall in love with another woman. We weren’t kinky at the time, so the idea of D/s wasn’t part of our lexicon. In retrospect, we definitely had strong D/s elements to our relationship, but certainly nothing like a true D/s relationship.

And when it ended, I came to understand that I needed to explore kink. It had been on the back burner of my mind for so long and I was afraid of opening Pandora’s box. But I needed it for my healing.

I discovered power exchange. I discovered impact play. I discovered a wide world of kinky wizardry and I felt for the first time like I might belong somewhere sexually. And yet that damn poly thing...

For me, it’s not control if I can’t decide the direction of my family. It’s not control if there’s a hard limit on how we interact with other women. And for me the only reason someone demands monogamy is because they secretly or overtly fear they aren’t enough. I need a woman who can surrender that control to me. To trust that if I say you are enough, that you are. If I say I want another submissive in our life, that it’s not about you or your ability to please me. Do friends compare each other thinking “What does he give him that I don’t?” Do we compare employees wondering why the boss had to hire a second one? What are the differences here between a partner and these examples?

For me, the difference is fear of loss of control. And while I fully understand that feeling and don’t begrudge anyone for needing that, I cannot be their Master. I no longer have the patience to battle that in other people.

And the great irony is that I no longer care for the dream of being poly. I may want multiple submissives, but that also sounds like a lot of work unless the stars align and my sub and I fall in love with another woman. I simply want to rule the world of a woman who’s heart and mind inspire me, and I don’t see that ever being a fully monogamous woman.

Thanks for reading.