are looks important

are looks important

lvm15​(sub female) • Jun 2, 2017

I was just wondering if you were looking for a dom/sub would their looks be important to you?
I'm asking as I have serious body issues as I'm obese but had a gastric bypass so my skin is getting very loose and ugly.
My online dom has seen regular photos and videos of me and has no problems with how I look and he lets me know that he is pleased with me and he makes me feel good about myself due to the trust.
Eventually I will need a local dom but sure no one will want to be my dom.

Bunnie • Jun 2, 2017

Thank you for putting yourself out there so rawly (if that's a word). I have been kind of wondering too if looks come into it. Maybe it depends what you're looking for? If it's something long term there'd have to be some kind of attraction, for myself some physical for sure but that's definitely not all of it. Short term, maybe not so much? I'll be interested to see others' thoughts on this. If it's purely a self confidence thing though, give yourself a break ? you're on track to being healthier, you're exploring, sounds like you have a great Dom. These are positives which can only help you to feel better about yourself as time goes on.

BDSM Yoda​(dom male){Not Lookin} • Jun 3, 2017

As a Dom, I can admit as far as looks go. "A smile gets my attention, but submissive obedience gets my heart". With that being said, there has to be SOME sort of attraction there. But I'm not a hard man to please.

SanE​(sub male) • Jun 3, 2017

Physical attractiveness is a factor, but not *the* determining factor when I pursue a relationship. Some of the things that for me hold more influence than looks are chemistry, their character and relationship status.

I think it's reasonable to say that everyone has insecurities. What's important, at least for me, is how despite those fears and doubts we might have, we still regard ourselfves as a valuable existence. Learn to love yourself first and along the way someone will notice you in the way you fancy. Easier said than done, but as a long-term strategy, I believe it's the more healthy approach. Just my two cents.

lvm15​(sub female) • Jun 3, 2017

what if the sub doesn't want a sexual relationship?

SanE​(sub male) • Jun 3, 2017

If a sexual component is a limit to you, then communicate it. There's nothing wrong with having needs and expectations, if anything that's the way it should be. I'm of the belief that you should pursue whatever arrangement that fulfills you, as long as it's between consenting adults, and you are upfront about what you need with your potential partner(s). With the obvious caveat being that if they or you are already partnered you should have their and/or your partner's consent.