He is leaving in 2 years

Miki • Jan 26, 2019

Meh. I have my moments.. and my hard line approach probably doesn't fly many people's kites but it is upsetting to see that for some reason there are those who regard The Lifestyle as something "less than" a vanilla committed relationship.

I do understand things change, finances may head south, health may be declining, but would this fella do this to you if you were his wife in a "normal" relationship? or does he regard the scene as "less than".

I mean.. it almost looks like:

"We have to move to a condo. No dogs allowed. Sorry kids we have to give Rover away or take him to the dog pound for adoption."

or

The lease is almost up on the Lexus. let's enjoy it as much as possible before we have to return it to the stealership."

Low{BLK OWND} • Jan 26, 2019

Miki that's EXACTLY how a part of me is feeling !

Freya369 • Jan 27, 2019

This topic has sparked loads of reactions..in me...no matter what kind of relationship we are discussing...we have to be clear...really clear ..are we talking about an "arrangement" . ..and has that quintisentialy been delineated between all the parties...even if this was done....and it can only be achieved between people who really know what being truthful means...many appear to be unclear even what monogamy entails.
And please dont get me started on love! Which for many is a delusional state.

I will shut it now....promise.

Miki • Jan 27, 2019

Love per se is not delusional unless one or both assume it is an unchanging feeling. From time to time I have read about nice old folks wed for more than 50 years.. Were they infatuated all that time? Hell no. But their feelings grew past that which formed the initial attraction. Chief among those is mutual respect, followed by honest communication and the ability to be close friends along with being married/committed. Metamorphosis ain't just for butterflies and moths.

Ours is an ever increasingly disposable society and for either party to decide out of the blue that it's just "a business arrangement" all the while previously professing undying devotion- That person is a jackass.

This goes again to what I already wrote. BDSM relationships seem to take on a "less than" status compared to "normal" relationships and that's a cop-out. if one is in it for the moment, as I do.. I'm straightforward about it.

"Meet me, Eat me, fuck me, paddle my ass... (or better) and in the morning see me leave.

* * * * *

BTW about those nice old folks. I read yet another article/obit concerning a couple who were married 75 years. In those cases the surviving spouse keeled over in less than a year.. 6 months if memory serves-- after having been healthy and active up until their spouse died.. Coincidence? Maybe Part of old age? hmmm --- was love delusional for them? Fuck no. The proof's in plain sight.

Love is not delusional, rather, it's hard to find-- and if or when you find it it takes work. Work, honesty, communication, and respect. In today's "Fuck It and Chuck It" society all that is simply too much work.

In all honesty too much work for me. I enjoy my living situation. I like my independence. I like that I can feel a different body rubbing against mine each time out. The key is I am certain of what i want and transparent about my intentions. If ever i shift gears and settle down, and I "find someone" I still won't make promises, expressed or implied, that I am not certain I can keep.

Bunnie • Jan 27, 2019

@ Low, the fact that he has given you (at least) 2 years notice of this plan, indicates to me that he clearly cares about and has respect for you. That’s not a spur of the moment decision. And dedication to family is admirable. As difficult as I understand this is, it doesn’t seem that he’s some kind of selfish monster.

In my opinion... and yes, I recognise it doesn’t align with anyone else... I would make the most of the 2 years together. Nothing about what you’ve said above indicates that you will no longer at least remain as friends. If you’re all as important to each other as it sounds, why walk away if it’s not necessary yet?

Of course it will be hard, and it will be very necessary to be open and honest and communicate and listen. No doubt there’ll be a lot of tears and heartache. However, why is that so terrible? Why do we always feel that we need to shy away from things that are uncomfortable?

Ultimately, my suggestion is, ask yourself this... will the next two years be better with him or without him?