Moody Dom (or sub)

Moody Dom (or sub)

strawberryfield • Mar 24, 2019

I was wondering if anyone has ever dealt with a moody Dom. I never know if I'm doing anything right.

.it gets so hard.

On that note, how do I not let it break me?

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Mar 24, 2019

You have the right to be heard and acknowledged. You have the right to fhaveeed back on how you are going on being submissive. You have value. If your not given feedback (or aftercare) this lack will eventually turn and fester into resentment. Even a dog deserves the odd pat and being told they a good girl.

I rarely cross posts but I just read your last post here

https://thecage.co/phpBB/viewtopic.php?p=13265&highlight=#13265

and I do wonder if this also plays into your dynamic with your Master. Could you maybe, both be wanting different things or just not on the same page?<at the moment>
I'm not saying he is wrong for you, or you for him but maybe just the dynamic needs to take a step back and look at the bigger picture, then be tweaked so if fits you BOTH to a tee. Maybe re start discussions on negotiations and the outcomes of situations and expectations. Don't feel bad, we all have times we need to step back and fine tune, its part of what we do.

If you do feel you need to express this to your Master, do so out of scene (and not before or after) but rather at a time where BDSM and/or sex plays no part. Remember your not laying blame, your talking about needs and desires to benefit you BOTH.

Best of luck. Hang in there, we all have bad days.

CrimsonPaw • Mar 24, 2019

Have you tried communicating how you're feeling with him?

If you have, and you're still left feeling insecure, perhaps you two just aren't compatible or maybe he's not expressing himself in a way that you fully understand.

If you have not, it's best to start there. No matter which side of the slash you are on, it's important to communicate with the other about how you're feeling.

About not letting it break you, you'll probably get many suggestions on that. I'm interested in others responses.

I hope you get the answers you seek and it all works out for you.

strawberryfield • Mar 24, 2019

Thank you both. Yes... I've tried to communicate, then he disappears. Or turns it around on me. And I know I'm not perfect, but I also know I try extremely hard.

I just want to smile again.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Mar 24, 2019

I do hope you find your smile strawberryfield. Ask yourself does your Master make you more happy or less happy. No one will make you 100% happy all the time. But they should add to your over all happiness. You need to be happy within yourself too, its not just the job of your Master to make you happy.
Could you maybe write him a letter, so he has to hear you all the way out... before turning it on you? or disappearing. If you suck at writing could you record it?
At least then, you can know, you tried everything within your power to be heard and understood. Sometimes a different approach can work.
Don't rush into any decisions, you might just be feeling a little low right now and/or fragile. Take time to think clearly. When we feel emotional we dont think.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Mar 24, 2019

I should of added above. I had one sub with depression. He used the "writing" method with me. He would write and then wait a day. Reread and see if it was still important enough (to him) to send to me. This worked great for me because I could differentiate how important the matter at hand was for him .... He then in turn also had a coping method. It worked for us. It might not for you but it was worth mentioning as alternative method.

AKittenforSir​(sub female){JohnBond} • Mar 25, 2019

There is a difference in someone being moody (which to me means they’re quick to switch moods, usually from good to bad) and just being generally dissatisfied and inconsiderate of their partner’s feelings. I’m sorry that you feel that what you’ve done and what you’ve said have not been validated by your Dom and that as a result your happiness is being stripped away. As a submissive, I feel it’s safe to say that we generally aim to please. The core of our happiness comes from making our Dom happy. If you’re unable to make him happy then you’re never going to be happy yourself.

I’m not saying this is any fault of your own as I’m pretty sure it isn’t. It sounds like you’ve given your full effort and it either just isn’t in line with his standards or that for some reason he’s unable to express his satisfaction.

I’m also not saying that you should just walk away, because if you love him that’s worth fighting for; but I am saying that if there isn’t going to be a change in his “mood” any time in the future then you’re never going to feel happy and fulfilled.

Have you asked him point blank if he’s happy with your arrangement and if he wishes to continue it?

strawberryfield • Mar 25, 2019

@akittenforSir...

I'll ask him when he's in one of his good moods if he's happy with our relationship.

I know that untimely my happiness is in my own hands and I have to work on that.

But it still is hard.

I appreciate everyone's thoughts

MasterBear​(other butch) • Mar 25, 2019

We are all moody to a point.
The question here is what is the recovery?
Is the M type taking personal responsibility for not being emotionally available?

Which is one road.

The other road is
Is the M types moodiness destructive to you?

If so then you have choices to make.

It may be that when asked your M type doesnt know the answer to their mood swings.

Many of us don't.

BUT
If you are needing a different type of communication style to be a successful s type that is ok.

You just may not get it from them.

JohnBond​(dom male){Kitten} • Mar 25, 2019

"I'll ask him when he's in one of his good moods if he's happy with our relationship"

-@strawberryfield

I almost feel like the better time to ask him would be in one of his sour moods, as that's where the issue lies. It's tough and terrifying to ask questions you may not want the answer to but is a necessity sometimes. I am very sorry you are having to deal with these issues. Communication is the hardest part of any relationship and is especially essential in a BDSM relationship. I myself have a couple of different moods that come to the front depending on the day but the key is that I communicate what I am feeling to my partner. I also make sure to keep aware of the fact that she has needs that are separate from mine. While she is seeking to please me, she also needs affirmation for herself. She needs to hear that she's done a good job or how will she know? She also needs to know if she's done something that has upset me or she may do it again. I can't expect her read my mind. I need to be as consistent in the bad times as I am in the good so that she knows that she can trust me. She can trust me to be there when she does well, and she can trust me to be there if she does something I don't like.

I'm not saying any of this to say "look at how good I am at talking about stuff" but I just think it's important to know what you need for yourself and to hold your partner to a certain standard. I think it's easy for a submissive to give and give and give until there is nothing left.

-JB