DDLG new daddy

DDLG new daddy

FMLnewDaddy​(dom male) • Mar 26, 2019

Okay, so I'm a new daddy only been at this for a year now and I'm still feeling clueless. My girl is a little, a brat, a submissive, and a switch although she normally doesnt go dominant.

Right now shes fighting her sub space and little side, she feels weak for being a submissive. I've attempted to do my research my "book learning" so to speak and it only pays off to a point. I agreed to a poly with a friend that was her original dom but hes more an Alpha dom than a daddy dom so what he says doesnt help me in my situation.

I need some advice here, she says she trusts me but I'm only just now being let in on commands like "drop" for example. Shes confused the fuck out of me on numerous occasions because she doesnt just stick to ddlg she pulls from all over the spectrum for BDSM.

Any thoughts or advice?

DrWakko • Mar 26, 2019

I suggest looking up Desert Dominion in Tucson. They have all sorts of classes and events there. Also there is a major con in Sept called Rebooted. Both should have the classes and events you are looking for. Plus you will meet others who identify as Daddies.

FMLnewDaddy​(dom male) • Mar 26, 2019

To be clear, I understand the basics and have completely mastered them. She wants me to lead the way but hasn't given me any leading information beyond the basics. In all reality I'm looking for a mentor. The buddy that joined us she does love him dearly. The only problem is he is an alpha dom, something I wont be one for the simple fact my girl told me she doesnt like it. He gets through because hes a daddy alpha, although his techniques dont work for me and my girl because of how him and her interact.

They have no issue fighting/arguing with each other multiple times a day. I dont want that as a part of our dynamic so he hasn't been able to help me very much.

DrWakko • Mar 26, 2019

You might want to master listening to advice. I have given you the best advice you can get. Go to Tucson and talk with people who have been doing this for years. You will learn something. I

You are 21 there will be others. Or keep riding it out and dont listen to people who have been there done that.

NoOneofConsequence​(dom male){Taken} • Mar 26, 2019

A tad bit over a year ago, I got into a discussion with a self-proclaimed "submissive people pleaser" about DD/lg.

Now, the thing is, I'd misspent some time, money, and energy in my college years thinking I wanted to be a Sex Therapist. (Until I figured out that me being a MFT/ST would be a lot like handing a three year old a flare gun. You aren't sure what will happen, but you do know it will make the papers.) So, I knew a tad more than the average schlub about the myriad forms of physical affection that were possible.

And... Well, I was definitely a D-type. Argueably, I might be considered a "service Top" by some since I tend to not be particularly fetished or kinked beyond oral and her pleasure (and what she needs to get there... with very few limits of my own). But, I found over time that my natural level was Master. And I tended to... eh... not push so much as lean a little further that way when acting with a submissive of whatever stripe. So, I knew a tad bit more about most of the iterations of BDSM and kinks and fetishes than the typical snot-nosed punk with a handful of lotion and an good internet connection.

However, I had a significant gap in my knowledge when it came to DD/lg. Primarily, I think, because of the "age-play" connotations inherent in the title, I'd just never had any interest in looking any deeper.

Well, this gal cracked up and pointed out that I am a Daddy Dom to the core!

So, I went looking, primarily to prove her wrong. And fuck me if she wasn't right! I was a DD, and had never realized it.

Hell, Love (my wife) had even CALLED me Daddy, which I'd always thought was meant ironically since she was 13 years older.

She slept with a teddy bear that I'd given her when I wasn't available (I was working overnights).

She always wanted to play. Games, people. Games. Card games. Board games. Computer games. (Although we did enough in bed to make even the most hardened satyr or nymph blink and think "Dude! There is such a thing as enough!"

I could continue, but the point was that this gal was right. I was one. Had been the entire time and had never realized it.

And, more, I'd been acting as a DD to this gal as well. Sitting on the phone and reading her to sleep, for example.

Some shit went on that isn't really worth going into. On several levels. But, the end result was that months later, she informed me that I wasn't her Daddy, wasn't her Dom, in fact wasn't any sort of Dom. Which was bullshit, in my opinion, as I damn sure had been acting as a Daddy Dom for nine fucking months! And she had been acting as my little!

But, eh. Whatever.

Any road, I got involved with a few other littles of various stripes. None of which panned out. The most recent telling me that she had never wanted me, that she just felt sorry for me. ***shrug***

The thing is, I am a Daddy Dom. I know I am. I know that I was to Love for two and a half decades. Maybe I just don't understand LDR and how to translate it there. Or maybe they were just the wrong little (or middle) for me.

The big thing that I would caution you about is that, yes you can read up on the subject and other people can offer you advice, but at the end of the day it is best to be true to yourself. If you are a Daddy, and I am a Daddy, that doesn't mean that we are exactly alike, any more than every little or middle is exactly alike. What works for one may very well not work for the other.

Act from your heart, from loving her, protecting her, guiding her, and always with her best interests in your head and heart. The rest will work itself out from there or not. But, at least she will have had the best of you.

Bunnie • Mar 26, 2019

From a personal perspective, my little side is my vulnerability. My heart. The part that adores and sees my Sir as a Superhero. In order for her to feel safe... she needs consistency, stability and boundaries. She will test to see if they’re there. She will push buttons to see the reaction. She will walk the fence line of the dynamic, looking to make sure it’s secure. If everything is in place... she’ll happily come out and play with a beautiful carefree heart.
It’s difficult for me to communicate wants and needs at times, but learning to trust that I can go to my person with anything, and be safe to verbalise what I can, is invaluable to developing the trust necessary for my little aspect. I liken it to my Sir being a rock. Immovable in his sturdiness. Predictable in his consistency. Solid in his foundation. Yet someone I can admire beyond words.
Anyway... my long-winded point. She may be testing to make sure you are who you say you are. There will always be hiccups with a little, in my opinion. But each bump in the road leads to the development of a deeper level of trust and understanding.

JohnBond​(dom male){Kitten} • Mar 26, 2019

@NoOneOfConsequence

I had just been reading some of your blog so it was really neat to run across this post! That's an incredibly insightful story!

@FMLNewDaddy

In addition to wisdom you can pull from @NoOneOfConsequence there, I think that Dom's can have multiple sides as well as Sub's. I have a few that I bounce between; Service Top, Care Giver (Daddy), and Sadist I would say are the primary areas that I hang out in. My submissive often floats between Little, Masochist (a little bratty in that headspace sometimes but I wouldn't call her a brat at all), and traditional submissive. I do see people who are just the one thing all the time (e.g Masochistic Submissive all the time) but I don't think it's all that uncommon for both submissive and dominants to pull from different areas of BDSM to suit their current moods or needs.

After some time working with your submissive (little, whatever the preferred label is) I think you can probably tell where she pulls from most often (though people change of course over time so you should never stop learning about your partner). With that information you can pull from your 'Dom Tool-bag' as she needs it and learn to adapt to the day. Learn what she needs in different head-spaces, what you enjoy about each side of her, or how to nudge her from one space into another.

I am sure if she says she trusts you she trusts you. I would maybe try to take a step back and take a new approach at learning her, her wants, her needs, things she's good at, and things she may need help or training with. I prefer to take a whole picture / slow build approach where even if I know that my submissive has experience I'm going to go through the whole process of learning her slowly and deliberately to ensure we have the same foundation and I can see for myself what is there. You may not need to train her but your commands, requests, and wants are likely going to be something different than another's so find some neat ways to work her up to those.

I think lastly, and most importantly, be careful of ever feeling like you've 'completely mastered' something. Steve Irwin thought the same thing about sting rays, and Elvis thought the same thing about his morning routine. I believe BDSM is a lifelong journey of learning especially as it works with other people. Skills should be honed and practiced to keep them sharp as opposed to 'Completely Mastered' in my opinion, though i've been wrong before!

Keep at it, enjoy the variety of the day! If you need / want advice on any given day you're welcome to message me, I very much enjoy seeing which side of my sub i'll get in a day!

-JB

Lotus​(sub female) • Mar 26, 2019

Bunnie, this is very, very similar to how I am with my “little side”. This is in fact, the first time I’m acknowledging that that side exists. Thank you for eloquently describing this, as it makes me feel a little more comfortable with that side of myself. I know how vulnerable that side of me is and I am very protective, so she hardly sees the light of day! I want to be more open. Great comment!

*several great comments on this thread, really!!*