Permission

Sybil • May 13, 2019

I found this forum very informative to say the least. My opinion I would never request this of another person and wouldn’t engage a relationship with some who would ask that of me. I personal don’t set rules for my s-type without a reason. I’m not the “because I say so type” so now I’m curious to know why do Dom’s set these kind of rules. I don’t get it honestly but I guess it is not for me to get.

Another note when I see profile or statements like that I associate that type of behavior in a M/s dynamic not so much in a D/s dynamic but I also think people use the term s interchangeably when in fact that are not the same. So yes I’m this weird lifestyle I find myself thinking “weird” when I see that in a D/s relationship however if a person in a M/s relationship said that I wouldn’t.

DemonstricusRed​(sub male) • May 13, 2019

I did get a reply...from you!
And I appreciate you sharing your opinions with me on the topic of Permission. That's exactly what I was doing as well.
Forgive me for offending you so deeply. That cutting injury was not intentional. My apologies.

Soulweaver​(dom male) • May 25, 2019

Well, I have been a part of the "online" D/s community off and on since the late '90s. I have been at various times part of the AOL community, Alt.com, fetster, fetlife and one or two others I can't even remember, as well as now, this community. The whole asking for permission to speak to someone was a part of the AOL community back in the 90's, so I believe it is more of an internet construct, than anything else. I also agree with whomever pointed out that they thought it was an M/s thing first, I believe that to be so as well.

That having been said, while I would not presume to control my submissive's online or other communications. I do ask that she tell me if/when she's been contacted or engaged in "serious" conversations (i.e. not the random "Hey, you're hot..wanna fuck?" type). Now, I do this simply so that I know what sort of information is being conveyed to her, as I don't want the wrong/harmful information to be given without a counterpoint. I also encourage any submissive that I am engaged with to venture out on the internet to explore and I only ask that they share links/websites with me, so that I can vet the veracity of the information. I also request that they ask me, if any information poses questions to them.

When I become seriously interested in a baby girl, I also share some of my extensive library with them and give out reading/report assignments. I believe that in my Dominant/Daddy role, I am responsible to ensure that they are educated in what I believe to be a proper manner. It's as much about preparing them for our journey together, as making sure that they have a solid understanding of ethical and safe behavior. We may not always be together, but I always want them to be safe, respected and free from harm, even after we may have parted. I must stress that I also do not attempt to control every aspect of a submissive's life. I encourage them in the strongest possible terms to "be themselves." In other words, I will not be seeking to control their bathroom habits, how they dress (except for special situations), how they eat (unless they ask for assistance in this area) or their friendships (online or otherwise), etc.. If I cannot trust them enough to make good decisions in their everyday lives, I cannot trust them enough to ask them to undertake this journey with me. Trust is extremely important in my eyes and it is a mutual thing, we need to be able to trust one another or else this will never work.

Lastly, although I may think it is bullshit, if I see that someone's profile says "if you wish to speak to me, contact so and so," I just move on. I do not move forward with trying to speak to someone who thinks they are or is, claimed. My reputation is worth more than that. C'est la vie!

WhiteRoses​(sub female) • May 27, 2019

I actually have an opinion on this from both sides. First and I hope the most informative is why I insisted my baby girl put that requirement on her profile when she was on the cage. When I first met her, she was invited to join a conversation with my then sub and myself. Her advice to a new sub was you do ANYTHING your dom tells you. Up to and including broken bones.

My next words to her were you are now mine and the first thing I am going to teach you is YOU have the power to say NO and you Will learn the power of you.

There were several times that she would not filter requests through me and she found herself in hurtful disturbing situations on here. She would come to me then upset and suffering over things that brought back horrible memories for her. She has since made her own decision to leave the cage because it was not fun but a detriment to her growth.

I would stand by my decision to screen anyone wanting to communicate with her for the rest of time. She doesn't always listen and well finds her own punishment in the process.

And again our dynamic is ours and no one else's. She has learned her power, and she and I are best friends as well as what ever else we have evolved into over the past year.

As for me telling someone I will ask permission from my Sir to continue conversation with someone, it is an outward sign of respect to my relationship. My Sir trusts me to make my own decisions and I have no problem doing so. A total jerk and I will tell them what they can do with themselves. Some one I find to be respectful and interesting, I will tell Sir about it afterwards. Some one I am on the fence about I will say tell me what you have in mind so I can ask my Sir. Respect me enough they will answer, they don't, they disappear. Answer given either way.

So there may be a reason you don't know about for this being on profiles. It's not always a negative.

And unfortunately reading some really good posts in this topic, I see where the first response of "I move on" eliminates the potential for good interactions and potential friendships that could be very beneficial.

thirstyharley​(dom male) • May 28, 2019

Lets not be judgemental.
The right to talk to strangers is simply another thing a sub can give to their dom. If the dom demands it and the sub refuses, then either they compromise or they dont do it. Maybe sometimes such a thing will result in a breakup in the relationship. If a slave is willing to give 100% of their existence to someone else however, that technically includes their right to talk to people.
There are other reasons a dom might do this as well. For example they want to evaluate what the stranger wants to discuss with with their sub.
They might also indeed wish to protect their subs from stalkers or online trolls.