► JackMeoff987 wrote:
Don't trust anyone who claims to be a Dom until you spend a long time talking to him. Check him out, see what he likes and doesn't. If all he likes is blow jobs and wants you to spend the rest of your life on your knees RUN. Dig into his head and see if he's someone that seeks your fulfillment, and your growth in sex and in general. If he wants things his way or no way RUN.
A good Dom will seek to expand your boundaries both in and outside the bedroom but will allow you to use your ultimate weapon, the power to say no. If he continues after you say no then he's an abuser and RUN.
A good protection from abuse is to work out a contract. The contract needs to line out your soft limits and your hard limits. It is not abuse for you to both agree on working to expand your limits, it is abuse when you say no and he does it anyway. The contract should include the safe words and that they will be respected. If the Dom breaks any of the things in the contract that they did not discuss with you ahead of time, leave. Plan how and when you will be submissive and in what roles you will be free. The contract gives you both a framework that you can build a relationship around. It is this relationship that will turn into trust. If is that trust that will turn into submission. One can't happen without the other. It is the abusers that will seek to hasten and rush this process that MUST develop over time. That's one key to spotting them.
Be careful because your trusting not only your body but your spirit, how you perceive yourself and your own self worth. Do Not give this power to anyone until you are sure that you both are on the same page and reading the same thing. But most of all do not give this until you trust them not to harm what you give.
P.S. never trust anyone who seeks absolute control over you body, spirit and mind. Experienced Dom know that these are given as gifts over time, the abusers seek them give at the beginning.