Bdsm lifestyle training

Bdsm lifestyle training

jockfalls • Jan 5, 2020

Start with intro / male Dom (maybe) Wife sat me down in front of screen to watch all of 50 shades of grey. Tells me that she read all three books and wants it like that
Soooo does this happen .?
I am the leader in our relationship. She also wants it that way. I have been the one to be the starter of sex.
Soooo is this Dom/sub already?

Aria Quinn​(sub female){collared} • Jan 5, 2020

A few things, first start doing more research into real life bdsm. Porn and erotica like to play on fantasy but the ends and outs of a real relationship can’t live in that fantasy 100% of the time. Start reading blogs listening to podcast and figure out what your interested in, I would have your wife do the same. Second you said that she read 50 shades and told you she wants it to be like that, ask her to elaborate and make her tell you in detail what exactly she was drawn to what she wants to emulate and how does she believe that would look in your relationship. I like the podcast loving bdsm, I watch on YouTube because I like seeing the power exchange dynamic between a real bdsm couple.

Aria Quinn​(sub female){collared} • Jan 5, 2020

Oh I forgot to mention, if your interested in exploring further a great first step would be to start going to munches in your area start talking with other Doms and consider finding a mentor that can work with you through this process.

Vale​(sub female){Marcellus} • Jan 5, 2020

My Sir wants to make it very clear, 50 shades of gray is definitely a hollywood adaptation of the world.

Now for my part: I agree with Harlequin to check out podcasts and such.
A Dom is definitely more than just the starter of sex. If you are looking into a 24/7 lifestyle, you would be in control of everything. Make sure you are wanting that responsibility as well. It is all fine and good if she wants to sub, but you have to make sure you can Dom. I found it very helpful to look at a contract. It made me realize the seriousness of this lifestyle, and how much i did want it.
Also have yourselves both take the BDSM test coincidentally at bdsmtest.org so you can find out what kind of kink she may have.

If you are just looking into a little BDSM in the bedroom, I would say go to your local adult store, if you have one, and go to the BDSM section. Grab a blindfold, a crop with a feather on the other side, maybe some bed restraints. the test can definitely help decide what kink to role with. ALWAYS do the research before you start play, there are kinks that can be dangerous is not done correctly.

Communication is key in a BDSM relationship, so make sure you sit down with zero distractions to really discuss everything.

Be safe and happy playing.

Island girl​(sub female){Yes owned.} • Jan 17, 2020

My Master is of the opinion that you are either a Dom, or you're not, and that is just who he is. That aspect of His personality never turns off. So yes, I live it 24/7. Part of my mandate, even after 16 years, is that if I don't have any direct commands given me by Him, I know what He wants or how He would do something and I had better be doing it.

I spent a year probably in intense training to learn His preferences, desires, and the behaviors that he expected from me as His service slave. For us, it isn't just about the bedroom. He controls my entire life through His preferences. I have no carve-outs. I have no limits, no safewords. He owns it all. That said, He has also commanded me to be certain that His property is not damaged in any way. That is the major priority.

I think that we are perhaps on the extreme end of D/s. Everyone's relationship will be different. We have no small children in the house. Master has another slave who is senior to me. At the same time, we run a business out of the house between 9 - 5:30, with guests walking through our house every day.

I remember the days of my beginnings in BDSM and my dreams of D/s. I wanted it all, and I wanted it now. As the submissive part of that equation, we all know that it doesn't work. It isn't in my hands. Negotiation is key. Being a Master is a LOT of work. You never get to turn off when You are in charge, so decide for how long during the day You want that kind of responsibility and control. "Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns," I think has a good section on negotiation. I respectfully suggest that you consider a short-term contract stating what both of You are willing to do toward the D/s end and for how much of the time that takes effect, or, during which activities You retain control, and then renegotiate once You have more information (the end of that short contract). The do it again as You become more familiar with the power if You wish to continue. It is also perfectly respectable to keep it to the bedroom if that is Your preference. There is no one true way!

Daddy Time​(dom male) • Jan 17, 2020

I also think you are a Dom or Daddy or sub naturally kinda born that way im sure there are lots of folks out there that are curious but remember its a lot of work kind of like starting a whole new relationship with rules etc for safety. When I met little I showed her Elite Pain video you can watch any number of them by searching elite pain bdsm and most are on porn hub etc. she didn’t flinch and I knew she was legit hahaha. Granted she will never experience that with me just spankings and typical bondage but it was a good test. You may want to look into primal play which is great and less of a straight up beating for lack of a better word although it can go far our primal play is more hair pull face slap choking forced sex etc. I guess im lucky cuz little likes TPE which I personally love anyway good luck and use caution and play safe

Bunnie • Jan 18, 2020

@ jockfalls,

“ Soooo is this Dom/sub already?”

Yes and no. Lol simple huh

If you are the leader in the relationship, then yes... it seems you’re already living a power exchange relationship in a dynamic sense.

However...

If your wife has sat you down to show you the 50 shades of grey side of things, it seems she wants to add in some play aspects. Welcome to the world of BDSM

When one decides that they want to venture into this world... education is what will help to keep you both *safer* (safety is never guaranteed) from harm... rather than just going in blindly and tying her up and swinging a whip.

Although it all seems pretty straight forward, there is a lot more than meets the eye. Open, honest communication (not just talking but listening too), trust, respect, consent (it’s all about consent)... these are the foundation that BDSM is built on.

Google will become your best friend. Read, read and read some more. This place also has some great resources in Forums, Podcasts and blogs (to read about other’s experiences and journeys).

If it’s an option, join your local community and get to some munches, play parties, skill shares and events (Fetlife is good for finding those). If you can find Dom/mes in your community who are willing to guide and teach you in-person, that is invaluable.

Go slow... enjoy the adventure of exploring together. Be safe... both of you. Remember to laugh... not everything goes according to plan... there will be some pretty funny moments... enjoy those as much as the pleasurable ones. It’s all about the journey... there’s no destination

MasterBear​(other butch) • Jan 19, 2020

First off congratulations and welcome. No it is not Dom and submissive. Because Dom and submissive are negotiated power exchange. So until you negotiate that that's just how your relationship is.


There is lots to learn and read. And many great books as well. It's okay to feel overwhelmed. You're going to go through your learning time as well.

Here are some articles I've written regarding being new:


https://yourkinkyfriends.com/2018/06/29/livingms/


https://yourkinkyfriends.com/2018/07/08/living-m-s-24-7-part-two-by-master-bear/