Why does being in charge turn you on?

Why does being in charge turn you on?

curiousmalesub​(sub male) • Mar 2, 2020

Any relationship I've been in has been pretty vanilla as far as sexual experiences. I have always wanted to try something more bdsm related but never found a partner comfortable. It's kinda made me feel like it's something that's only attractive to me, bdsm that is. I'd love to know from women what makes them feel good about being on top.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Mar 3, 2020

Trying to answer this is hard, its like what makes a vanilla woman, want vanilla? The answers are going to varied like the person answering. We are all different. Femdom isn't a one size fits all. there is no cookie cutter that stamps us all out at the factory.
I do femdom because it rocks my world. It makes me feel whole and complete. Doing Femdom allows me to be true to my desires in a way that makes me happy and content, in doing so my partner is also happy and content because together we fit...get ready for the corny line...we complete eachother! (I did warn you )

DominusJ​(dom male) • Mar 4, 2020

Well.. the question may have been directed at a Dom female but the title on this post seems pretty open.
Everyone has natural wants and needs.. creative turn on's and fantasies. It's completely natural. People gravitate to what they are familiar with and only occasionally want color outside the lines. To highlight, it's similar to what MissBonnie said, "why does a vanilla person want vanilla?" (partly because they don't know what they don't know outside of their own box)

Not everyone is kinky but a lot are and don't dare speak it out loud. They feel they can't be exposed in their creativity. That being said, let me clarify that I'm referring to what our general vanilla society believes.
For me, being in charge is completely natural. Unlike what people just "do" for pleasure. I'm a Dom and Master because it's how I am and it's how I'm wired. I connect with a sub/slave because I find it real and natural. A sub for me connects the same because that's how she's wired as well. For her, its completely natural, wanting to please, connect and serve.

So, curiousmalesub, it's similar but different. You're wishing, curious, wanting.. that's great. Take your time, learn about what you wish for and you'll find the right female Dom that compliments, connects and wants to teach and train.

Erick​(sub male) • Mar 4, 2020

Struggle, and adversarial relationships, are the basic conditions of all life. The impulse to dominate, often by means of pain and fear and cruelty, is universal.

But humans are clever. And, in our limited way, conscientious too. So we mostly try to avoid real cruelty. And one of the ways that the cleverest humans do this is by turning cruelty into a harmless plaything. We pretend to own and punish and abuse each other in the dreamy world of the bedroom. Very exciting.

For basic biological reasons, sexual sadism comes more naturally to men, and sexual masochism more naturally to women. (Though women are experts at using their charms to control men in more subtle ways. Just look at pussy-whipped Harry and his light-o'-love, the grasping virago Duchess Markle.) But humans are clever, and we play with our sexual identities quite a lot. So even women sometimes like the thrill of sexually controlling their lovers with whips and chains and all the rest of those masculine inventions.

Byrdie​(switch female){rl only} • Mar 7, 2020

I've been in relationships with guys who really wanted to seem like the lead in the relationship even though they didn't have it within them to do so: I frequently lead the relationships from behind as sort of an open secret. My ex mother-in-law once handed me a single-tail whip from a costume shop as inspiration to "whip [her son] into shape", because apparently she and my ex-husband's father had completely failed to do so.

Leading relationships now seems less complicated and more relaxing. It's easier to be turned on when I'm living my truth.

I was not raised by demonstrative people, so I am not naturally demonstrative. Having it pre-negotiated that I can reach out and touch someone pretty much however and whenever I want - with respect to where we are and other concerns - is something that gives me a thrill. I appreciate the rise of consent culture - I'd be at a loss without negotiations and updates to someone's tolerance for certain types of touch if there've been changes - but accurately setting expectations so that I can indulge that sense of entitlement makes me giddy.

"So you're sure about this?"

"Yes."

"Absolutely sure?"

"Definitely."

*scream and leap*

Also, the likelihood that the person is actually going to do what they've said they do, what they've been told to do, what they've promised to do, or face the negotiated consequences, takes a fair amount of pressure off. Refusal to either go along as agreed or to submit to punishment results in removing the kink layer of the relationship until adjustments are discussed in long, drawn-out detail and agreed to. There's a back-up plan, even if said plan is vanilla flavored with relentless relationship discussion sprinkles.

Sinity​(dom female) • May 1, 2020

To me it is about being not only useful but having purpose and being desired in that purpose. I can bring structure to a person's life who needs it, I can be worshipped in ways I do not see in my professional life. I get to be seen as someone amazing for her mind, skill, personality, and they beg for more.

I get all that and bring pleasure to someone. It is win-win all the way.

ManWithoutLabels • May 2, 2020

And guys can enjoy making a lady feel amazing. Nice summary.

MstressWhipplash​(dom female) • May 4, 2020

I like being in authority simple and getting my own way both in everyday life and the bedroom.

Me being in authority means we discuss and I make the final choice.

In the beginning we discussed what we thought a typical day was with me in authority and my E having given up authority.

Then from that I gleened a schedule which we both agreed to.

I refer to that form.of relationship as an Active Control Framework Relationship similiar in essence to Owner & property.


Mistress Whipplash Ma'am
A British Mistress