To Be Collard or Not to Be Collard

To Be Collard or Not to Be Collard

MeekMarionette​(sub female){Not collar} • Mar 28, 2020

Disclaimer: i apologize if some of my topics scream BEGINNER....I'm going with the flow of my mood here

But, I'm really interested in collaring and how do I know if that is lifestyle or just a kink interest. The things I've read so far lead me to believe I would be interested in it being a 24/7 thing.....so I guess my question is what does being collard entail, the ins-and outs...how does it shift the day to day dynamic? Is it more on the lines of being a slave? Is it part of being owned or is ownership another way of saying "we're together"?

SirEnzo​(dom male){Looking} • Mar 28, 2020

Honestly, dear, it depends on the individual doms and subs in the relationship. To me, a collar is basically a wedding ring, so it would mean a 24/7 TPE type of scenario. Other doms like to put collars on their subs as a sign of ownership without thinking about how long the relationship will last. Other than that, it would not change the day to day dynamic, outside of the fact that you would defer to your dom for EVERYTHING, not just play or training related issues. Depending on the dom this could change what friends you have, how long you see them, etc. For me, it wouldn't make that much of a difference. I'm not a micromanager, as long as you would be holding up your end of the agreement I wouldn't care how you spent your downtime as long as my desires were met. The only time I would exert control would be to help you, like insist you work toward a goal, or stay away from a toxic person, etc.

Also, in terms of it being more along the lines of a slave, that's not necessarily the case. For example, if you find yourself in a DD/lg dynamic with your dom when collared your dynamic will stay the same. You won't suddenly go from a little to a slave overnight, etc. Also, before you ever were collared in the way that I conceive of it there would be many, MANY, conversations about how it would all play out before hand so there would be no surprises.

Now, moving on to the kink interest, that's common too. After all there's pet play and things like that where a collar is basically a necessity. Some subs just enjoy the feeling of a collar around their neck being tugged, etc. It all depends on what interests you. It's very acceptable to have just a play collar which you'd only wear during playtime but not outside of it, etc. It really does all depend on the dynamic you work out with your dom and how you both agree to proceed.

If you have any further questions you're free to message me privately and we can chat about it. And don't apologize for asking question, how else are you supposed to learn, right?

MeekMarionette​(sub female){Not collar} • Mar 28, 2020

thank you for that, i pretty much thought of a collar as a wedding ring too but wasn't sure if that was looking too much into it

SirEnzo​(dom male){Looking} • Mar 28, 2020

No problem. One thing you have to remember about this lifestyle is that so much of it is what you have for yourself. If something seems a certain way to you, and nothing you read/learn/do changes that perception then that's how it is for you.

It's all subjective.

ropefish • Mar 28, 2020

I second the whole "depends on the individual relationship" thing. A lot of people probably disagree with my opinions on collars, but here they are. I have a lot of collars that are the equivalent of a choker necklace when it comes to meaning. I'm not owned, they are unrelated to any relationship. But I got them from pet stores and they are meant for dogs so I call them collars. They make me happy, they like the way I look, and they express the fact that I'm a submissive - which I am proud of - when I wear them out.

I've had collars that were a physical representation of a dynamic/ownership before. I think it's all great, I think everyone should use collars as they see fit and in ways that come naturally to them. People wear rings that aren't wedding rings, you know? Just cause someone wears a ring doesn't mean they're married. Rings and collars have as much significance as you give them. If you want to wear one cause you think it's pretty, great. If you're in a casual bdsm relationship and you want one just during playtime to help anchor yourself into that headspace, great. And if you want to wear one to represent a TPE relationship, that's great too. Just do what's healthiest for you and your relationships and don't worry about "doing things correctly". We're all in this community because society's idea of "healthy and normal" relationships aren't healthy or normal for us anyway, right?

MeekMarionette​(sub female){Not collar} • Mar 29, 2020

While i do think of a collar as a wedding ring, i would only take it that way if a long term partner gave it to me in that way

@nawazakana
i agree with your view on collars....and at this time in my life and exploration i would probably take it more on the way you see things. thing is, i just really dig the idea of it being a "claiming" thing....the more i read on bdsm and educate myself i find the appeal of being owned and in public with a collar...just does something for me i guess....but your view has definitely taken the pressure off of just wanting a collar for and my needs despite having a long term dom or not....so thank you

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Mar 30, 2020

Hello,

I just wanted to add that there are some really good blogs on here about collars also . ( different types and what not).

As for me i veiw collars such as a ring ( for me atleast) . but if you look at my tag im owed not collared. Yet i am collar around my heart. Meaning to me is that it is on a different level.

MeisterGerald​(dom male) • Mar 30, 2020

How to process collard is a tough question to ask when you're green. Sometimes you just have to chew on it for a bit, but that can be rough. Just rinse and repeat.

Don't get steamed by some of the answers. It can be a real pressure cooker in here. If you come across a turkey in the pot, leg it. After stewing on it for a while, you'll be ready to dish and bring your answer to the table.