Newb stuff

Newb stuff

xwillowx{Not lookin} • May 1, 2020

Hi ya'all

I feel the pull to post. I had an epiphany today. A dynamic I was in for three months recently ended. While it was hard to accept the loss at first, I have moved on to appreciating him for who he was and the amazing lessons I learned while serving him. To provide context... it was online for the most part but we did meet in person once during the 3 months.

See, as a newb, I came into this whole world and lifestyle only 6 months ago. There is so much I don't know. And I'm extremely aware of that. In this past dynamic I entered into, I held the belief that this was IT. That THIS MAN would be the one I would have this long-term 24/7 relationship with that the core of my being desired. But when that didn't happen, I had to take stock as to why. I realized that the path to successful submission, and hopefully surrender, is a rocky one. And it doesn't necessarily mean that the first man I come across that has a similar sense of humor is going to be the man that I'll be prone at his feet a year from now. That was hard to accept.

So one thing I want to convey to newbs, one of the ONLY things I know right now.. is that don't expect perfection at the first or even second encounter with a man. Or even with the first or second man. That's fantasy land stuff from what I have gathered.

So, I ask the females of this community, what are your experiences on your road to submission? Or, for the dominant men who have had the pleasure of owning a woman.. what have you seen her journey to have been when she was just staring out? And in conjunction to these questions.. do you think that "dating" is a necessary precursor in order for a new sub to learn in her journey and to reach that eventual TPE 24/7 dynamic?

PawPawGirl​(sub female){Azzabackam} • May 1, 2020

My first Dom taught me a lot, but there were still a lot of things he left me to figure out on my own as he had no concrete answer. When I asked what his expectations were in a certain area he sometimes said he "didn't know yet".

When I continued talking to my male friends (platonic) he felt I had betrayed him. When I said I didn't know it was wrong and that I had no intention of dishonoring or disobeying him, he responded that it was common sense.

As a newbie, unless told specifically by my Dom, I get all my info online. It would have made things so much easier if we had talked through our expectations, needs, and desires. And it would have been even better to show mercy and give grace as we navigated our way through the beginning stages of our relationship. We were so good together in so many ways; I regret our relationship never got a chance to run its course.

xwillowx{Not lookin} • May 1, 2020

@pawpaw I understand your frustrations, especially as a newb at that point. Im sure, however, even amidst the the confusion you learned things that have stayed with you, positively, in your journey.

I'm sorry for your frustrations. What I try to realize is we are all human. And even the most important experienced Dom can't always know. No one can.

It sounds like he wasn't the one for you. But it sounds like he did help you navigate some of those road blocks you encountered in your newb journey. Did you find a long term after that or did you "date" other men?

PawPawGirl​(sub female){Azzabackam} • May 2, 2020

Willow,
Just talking and getting to know people in the community right now. It's still difficult for me to trust that they are legitimate or just looking for the porn version of this lifestyle.

xwillowx{Not lookin} • May 2, 2020

I know. I understand. And some are just and only into that. Good for them. But others are just people that are trying to do the same thing we are which is get to know someone.

We have to take the risk. And we have to also take the responsibility of deciphering who is meant to be in our life and who is not. It doesn't make them the devil. It only makes them someone with a different goal.

We should always remember we are all human and we just have different needs. That doesn't make anyone bad, just different.

Back to the point, and this kind of wraps around, I think it's important to "date" and short term get to know others. Both parties can end up growing in ways they never knew and therefore becoming a better person for that future person.

Stranger • May 2, 2020

I just posted on something...if u interested.... Ask

xwillowx{Not lookin} • May 9, 2020

@stranger sure! I always love to read others posts.

Appreciating the journey when it's over

PawPawGirl​(sub female){Azzabackam} • May 10, 2020

Willow,
You always help me when I need to take a beat. You are absolutely right. I need to appreciate the past relationship for what it was and what it taught me.

I took my day of belting out " what's love got to do with it" by the fabulous Tina Turner and " is it over yet" by Wynonna. No more wallowing.

xwillowx{Not lookin} • May 10, 2020

Pawpawgirl,

I'm glad to have been of help to you I'm definitely the kind of chick that blasts songs intune with my emotions at the time, as well. It helps with the release and is just fun to shake our booties sometimes

Happy thoughts to you!! You got this!

No Body​(dom male) • May 10, 2020

Yes even Doms have a hard time finding that right one. Just when we think she is right she pulls away. Yes it is hard but we keep searching and hopeing to find the one who will stay and share. We also have take time to wonder what we did wrong and what we could have done better. I know I will find her some day but till then it is a lonely walk but one I have done for years.