Does the mind need to submit before the person will?

Does the mind need to submit before the person will?

Alphasubpanda​(sub female) • Apr 7, 2020

This question is one I have been pondering a while.

In my own experiences I have come to learn that my body won't respond to anyone (Dom or sub, male or female) if the said person does not have the ability to capture my mind first.

Is that a normal thing or am I just weird ?

House Talion​(dom male) • Apr 7, 2020

I beleive the correct term used here is 'unique'. Of course that's without considering anyone referring to themselves as a sapiosexual which in it's own sense is somewhat included while being in it's own scenerio

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • Apr 7, 2020

It's not at all weird.

For my own part, I don't want a girls body if I don't have her mind. And, once I have her mind, the body will come along for the ride anyway, and I get that too -- icing on the cake as far as I'm concerned.

I've written a few forum topics about this sort of thing. Take a look.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Apr 7, 2020

I'm a mind, body and soul kinda gal'

sir james ladies​(sub female){oh yes ple} • Apr 7, 2020

we talked between us and found the general consensus is online= the mind comes first if in person= the smell or look comes first.

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Apr 7, 2020

So although this is really a submissive question, since it is in Generally Speaking, I’ll respond speaking very generally. I would probably opine that it depends entirely on each individual, but I have found in my very limited experience of this life that the mind needs to be captured first to truly submit. Yes, there are numbers of individuals of all kinds who can probably look at or smell someone and fall for them instantly - in a sexual manner - but will you be submitting or simply playing? There is a difference between being attracted to someone and submitting to them.

I would guess you are fairly normal. Most of the ladies I have spoken with or read in their profile or in their blogs indicate “capture the mind first” and the rest of the treasure will be there for the taking.

I concur with MissBonnie in her order of things.

LL

rottenbrat​(sub female){Skyrich} • Apr 7, 2020

Personally,
I can't submit to someone if my mind is elsewhere. At its basic form, it's like giving someone half your attention while they talk and you keep texting on your phone, only giving one word answers. You aren't really there and it's disrespectful to the person who is trying to connect with you. But that's just my take.

Grey Eyes​(sub female){Owned} • May 23, 2020

For me, I am sapiosexual. I need the connection to his mind first, and want to explore the delicious intelligent intricacies of his mind through conversation. Way before the physical. Personally I don't care about his looks, nor his fragrance. It was the same for me on the internet as well as in person, vanilla as well as BDSM.

An intelligent male mind is incredibly enticing to me. Anything beyond that is just icing.

Grey Eyes

tallslenderguy​(other male) • May 23, 2020

i love the discussions here, there is a wonderful core group of people on this site.

i may be misunderstanding the question? To me, the mind is a big part of the "person," so in order for the person to submit, the mind has to participate?

For me, submission is a matter of degrees. When i read terms like TPE, what i see is "total submission." i can get Zen about submission (or anything else lol) and make a distinction between the notion of an ongoing relationship that has a projected future vs being in the moment. i think i can submit my intent in the moment, committing to a future that i cannot predict or control, but it is stil a vital submission. i think commitment to the future requires a lot of love and grace in the mix, because "...we see through a glass darkly" and "...in many things we all stumble." prolly getting way to ethereal here, sorry.

One of my most profound experiences of submission happened really fast and if someone had told me before hand it could or would happen, i would have been skeptical. The Dom not only elicited submission, but collared adoration in me for Him as well. He used physical submission, but simultaneously tapped into my emotions and influenced (my new favorite word, thanks Delly) them as much as my body, probably more? Thinking outloud, i'd have to say He both got and increased my physical submission by influencing my emotions/psychology.

i have to include a word like "psychology" because i believe some assign a negative connotation to "emotions" or put them as a lessor level than cognition. But evidence suggests that everything runs through the emotional part of our brain (the amygdala) before getting to the cognitive lobes. my own take is emotions assert far more influence over us, our decisions and who we are than reason does.

The stereotype is guys are rational, women emotional. i worked in executive management most of my life, spent a lot of my life in testosterone filled corporate conference rooms. Nine years ago, i did a major lane change and became a critical care nurse... a profession dominated by women. my totally unscientific read, based solely on my experience lol, is that women are by far more rational than men. That may not be the 'right' way to put it? Here's what i have experienced and how i see it presently: it isn't that men are any less emotional beings than women, but that women are more 'typically' in touch with their emotional self than men. i think men are very inclined to make emotional decisions, but they often don't realize they're doing it because they hide those feelings behind reason... or sheer force of will.

i believe our mind (cognition/feelings/psycological self?) is part of the mix that makes us who we are and that we miss out any time we leave a part of us out of the experience. One of my most common pleas in a profile is i am looking for someone who is "into mind fuck."

Sir Don​(dom male){Nt looking} • May 24, 2020

I will say that i believe that the mind is the sexiest part of the submissive ( woman). When you submit the strongest part of you then the rest is just the icing that is on the plate waiting to be licked off. Being sapiosexual the mind has to submit first.. i agree with G E above.....The thought of her submitting before the connection is made seems like it is not meant for something to last... it is short term at best.
Just my thoughts