Does the mind need to submit before the person will?

Sly • May 24, 2020

Even as a newcomer, I believe that as a sub... said “Dom” has to earn their right for me to submit. I think it’s a respect thing? At least for me.
Yes it’s also has to do with the connection you make but to me there is a level of trust and respect you have to have before you give a person the right to direct and Dominate you. So no, I wouldn’t think it weird at all.

Bunnie • May 24, 2020

For me personally it’s not solely about submission... and this is where my response comes from.

I am a people pleaser by nature... the type of person who “submits” or is subservient to those who are more powerful/aggressive/authoritative/dominant, than myself. I am fully capable of being submissive to someone who hasn’t “captured” my mind... in fact it’s easy for me... much easier than allowing someone to capture my heart and soul.

Most of the above can be attained from fear or at times respect, and it will be met with obedience.

So what is the difference for me in regards to having a Master? Vulnerability. Adoration. Devotion. Loyalty. Surrender.
These things for me, only come about from trust. And that can only be built over time. It’s not about giving my Master my submission... it’s about giving Him all of me.

IODiCeShOt • May 24, 2020

Everything about sex is mental! Sometimes literally

Whether Solo, vanilla, bdsm or otherwise. It’s just where the stimulation is sourced from.

I’ve had times where I only needed the physical release with someone, so in those situations it’s in my head from whatever or whoever I've been thinking about or looking at.

However there’s nothing to touch that mental connection when it happens...where there’s a constant build of tension and energy.

So yes my body will respond regardless, but not in the same way that it will if i achieve that mental symmetry with her.

Re: Does the mind need to submit before the person will?

Mama Bear JJ​(dom female){koa} • May 24, 2020

While I agree with the concept that the mind must submit before your entire person does, I believe there is more to it than that. It's not as simple as that.

Submission is a process. When you begin that relationship or dynamic with someone, your mind, like the rest of you, isn't going to instantly be ready to fully submit. It's not like a light switch or snapping your fingers and it's there. It has to be earned by the individual in the dominant position and learned/developed by the individual in the submissive position. For me, the in between of just starting that process and fully submitting, requires both your body and mind to learn new things and a new person.

Your mind is going to be debating whether or not the things being asked of you/the things you are trying are what you want (or if that even matters), if the person asking it elicits a need or desire for you to do them, or even if you are okay with being asked to do those things by them or anyone in general (some minds are more stubborn than others). Your body on the other hand, can give in more easily, it can respond and do what is being asked of it without all of the debate ... without caring whether or not your mind has caught up to being all in or not, especially if it is enjoying what is happening.

So ... while I believe that the mind is responsible, and first, when it comes to fully submitting to another, I also believe that the entire person (physically, mentally emotionally) has to engage in acts or steps of submission that allow it to reach that point.