Am I doing something wrong?

rottenbrat(sub female){Skyrich}

4 years ago • Jun 27, 2020

Re: Am I doing something wrong?

4 years ago • Jun 27, 2020

CcHuntress wrote:

Trust is a given, and I understand that. But I give what is needed and only needed for my play partner and i to have fun. But the moment they want to try and collar me and I dont fully give them my trust, respect and submission, they have to make me feel like it's my fault it didnt work out? I know I'm new I know I won't get everything off the bat. But why do i have to feel less of myself for their validation? Is that normal? I'm so confused.

Who ever told you "Trust is a given." is an idiot. Trust is NOT just handed over blindly. If it were, it couldn't be called trust. Blindly following has a term of it's own..... Codependence. This has no place in the D/S or M/S dynamic if you are looking for a long term, and healthy relationship. If you are being spoken to in a way that makes you feel like you are doing something wrong for simply respecting your own feelings and boundaries, then you don't have a real Dom, you have a wanna-be. Sometimes they can fake it but they usually can't keep up the facade for long. If this is the case, I would advise telling him to take a long walk off a short pier. This is not just for your sake but his as well. It sounds like he needs to learn what good boundaries look like and how to keep someone in his life that has them. You have a chance to lead by example here.

Cello Master(dom male)

4 years ago • Jun 27, 2020

The Advise people are giving you is very good. Trust is earned… I’m also gonna tell you something that I believe is very very true… The slave chooses the master… The sub chooses the Dom, not the other way around. It is the submissive one who chooses the person that he or she can trust and that person has to earn your trust. Until that person has done that you are just acquaintances .It’s very much like a marriage. Don’t go into something unless you are both fully committed.

Blissful Enigma

4 years ago • Jun 27, 2020

Re: Am I doing something wrong?

4 years ago • Jun 27, 2020

CcHuntress wrote:

While Trust is given; it is not given all at once; it has to be earned on both sides. From my own experience; I have had a play partner whom did not respect me in the way I deserve. Personally a collar symbolizes more to me than simply being given out like lollypops. I feel its important to have discussions in advance about what the submission and dominance means to one another prior to becoming one's submissive. My advice would be is to follow your intuition as that generally does not fail you. Especially if the warning signs keep appearing. Generally I feel most aspects of the play and relationship should be discussed until we know one another well enough when we don't need to question these things down the road.

While I know much of my post is very experienced based; I hope it helps but I also suggest keeping yourself informed through learning more by speaking with others and reading the education info that comes out from time to time.

LaVieEnRose(sub female){Kintsugi}

4 years ago • Jun 28, 2020

CcHuntress wrote:

I like BDSM because of the the detail conversations, but no we didnt fully talk about it and I admit I was naive because I didnt fully understand what a collar entitled. Possibly still dont at this point. I really want to say thank you for the feedback. I'm still really new and dont fully understand how this all works. And I'm so confused right now.

Like Kara said I think it sounds like you need to do a bit more research and learning before playing with anyone. Things can get intense quickly and there are those that would prey on that. And it sounds like you’re jumping head first into things.

many Doms have some great educational blogs as do many of the subs here, even just talking about their experiences. I say put any form of play or relationship hunting get put to the side and focus on learning and making friends.

Submissive Blog is a great resource that I devoured when I first started!

FunCouple{.-Couple-.}

4 years ago • Jun 28, 2020

No idea if this is relevant, but as I’m in a scribing mood I’ll give it a go.
Somewhere in one of my posts I do believe I mentioned the story of a person who put his old fridge on the side of the road.
He couldn’t be bothered with getting it down to the local dump/recycling centre.
After a week, the fridge was still there.
For some reason, which eludes me, he put a sign on the fridge:
FOR SALE $30
The next day, fridge gone.
Only when the fridge was seen as valuable was it taken.
.
.
I’m trying to think of the moral of the story here but, for my sins, Jerry Springer re-runs have just come on the TV.
.
.
I’m too excited to type anymore.
FC

bearfortwinkz(dom male)

4 years ago • Jun 29, 2020

The relationship between a dom/sub or master/slave is complicated, and absolutely requires trust, honesty, and communication. A collar should be the symbol of that trust, respect, and ultimately that relationship. The fact that they weren't willing and patient enough to build that relationship is a reflection of them, not you. You've done nothing wrong. The fault is all theirs, m'dear.

IowaDom(dom male)

4 years ago • Jun 29, 2020

IMHO, the act and acceptance of true submission , and yes "collaring" can easily be compared to farming..... now hear me out....

1. Select the ground (partner) based on the field and yield(dynamic) you wish to have
2. Properly prepare the ground, (partner) nuture it, enrich it
3. Lay in your seeds (the work developing it!)
4. Care for and nuture the field while it develops into the desired outcome. (dynamic)

Once you take the time to select a proper partner, get to know them, really know them, begin to experience and trust together, the collaring and submission will come as naturally as the corn reaching for the sky. IMHO, it is called the ACT of submission, for it is the sub who wields the power, and the offer of submission must come from them, never asked for, demanded, or expected by any Super Dom. It is the greatest gift a Dom can be offered.