How do you?

How do you?

blueyedsubbie​(sub female) • Jul 13, 2020

I am a relatively new comer to the whole BDSM lifestyle. I am wondering if anyone has any advice for me. How do you tell your partner what you are into? How long do you wait. I haven’t really been able to do it successfully. I have the person who introduced me to it, the next person I told used that as an excuse to push every button of mine and test every limit and the next guy sadly was perfect in every way it seemed but when I told him he suddenly ran the other way. Lots of jumbled thoughts running through my head coupled with terrible punctuation.

strictlygentle​(dom male){Queen Alex} • Jul 13, 2020

As early as possible without being creepy.

Someone who isn't into it was not likely to work out anyway. Save both of you the heartache.

Someone who uses it to abuse you is someone you should run from anyway. Save yourself the heartache and pain.

Or at least that's my rule. Screen out the misses as soon as possible so you can invest in the matches.

Bunnie • Jul 13, 2020

I too am of the mindset of sharing early. Although I don’t really have to anymore because I don’t look outside of our lifestyle. I went on one vanilla date with someone that I had shared with about being a submissive. The date felt more like a seminar. I realised that I didn’t want to spend all my time being an encyclopaedia for someone’s curiosity. Dating people already in the lifestyle means that we both already know what we’re here for, it’s more just determining if we’re compatible.

sir james ladies​(sub female){oh yes ple} • Jul 13, 2020

make a game of it keep it light. somewhere on the net is a list of every fetish copy it send it to him then take turns asking you know something like wet not wet.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Jul 13, 2020

i loved every one of these answers!

i think, ultimately, there's just no getting around the risk of rejection. As others have noted, we can lessen that risk by refining our choices to BDSM specific community, but the trade off is missed opportunities. I.e., not all kinky people participate in kinky communities... some don't even know about them.

i'm curious about the guy who "...was perfect in every way it seemed but when I told him he suddenly ran the other way. " i think a lot of us kinky folk are lonely and very hungry, simply because our needs/desires have gone unmet. As a result, it can be hard to not jump in (with our proverbial leather boots on) when we think we have found a potential mate. i think it's easy to become a sort of vampire who hasn't fed in a thousand years and sorta sucks a person dry on the first date... leaving nothing for an ongoing relationship lol.

Those movies about people who are in the desert and starving and dying of thirst, when they finally get rescued they have to go slowly with rehydrating and eating, even though the inclination is to gorge.