How do I start?

How do I start?

Storms n Abi{Whatever } • Oct 4, 2020

I have emotional issues and I want to learn more about the BDSM lifestyle as a way to enable emotional healing. Does anyone have any experience with that? Seeing that I am new to BDSM, with so much in this lifestyle , what element should I start with? What tasks should I set out to do for healing?

MariGold • Oct 4, 2020

That is a tough one. I would say have your guard up, don't submit to anyone just to submit and trust your gut feeling. As wonderful as this community can be, there are foul eggs on here too.

No one has the right to approach you disrespectfully. If they start any conversation sexual or demand photos and such, do not engage, feel free to block. Talk to other subs, read blogs, engage in the forum posts.

I was disappointed by BDSM healing scentric books so far but if you are on Instagram, I would suggest to follow "askasub", she is a wonderful source for all things BDSM. Good luck.

The original Her​(switch female) • Oct 4, 2020

Well, first off, congratulations and welcome! The first initial step is the hardest, and I also understand that it's difficult to ask for help. There's so many different facets of this website, not to mention the community, and on top of that, BDSM itself. I'm sorry that you've gone through hardship previously, but I know you'll find healing through BDSM.

However, as stated above, there's a lot of fake people. Since you're a sub, we'll talk about predatory and fake doms, but you can have manipulative people in any orientation or dynamic. You'll get to a point where your vetting process fits you, and you know what you want to get out of a dynamic/relationship. Since you're starting out though, definitely ignore the ones that demand that you call them "Sir/Ma'am", "Mistress/Master", or any other bullshit within the beginning couple messages. Your submission is something you choose to give someone, much like respect. They need to earn it, and prove that they have your best interests in mind first.

I'd look into checking out podcasts and reading some books. I don't have any good ones off the top of my head, but you can ask around on here and you'll get many answers, and I also think that this site has podcasts hosted through it as well.

I do think that going to other subs and asking for advice, maybe looking at certain blogs written by members here can help, but I can't speak from experience on that. By the time I was on here, I was already officially "trained", and so never felt the need to have an older sub explain the lay of the land to me. Some of them also engage in gatekeeping the BDSM lifestyle, or inside information, so again, it's just vetting for most of your beginning exploration. Like I said, the more you spend on here and seeing what works for you, you'll find that it's easier to tell if you'll get along with someone and their outlook on these sorts of things.

Last but not least, healing takes time. Trust me. You can't expect to jump into something and immediately start feeling better. You may even experience the "two steps forward, one step backwards" situation. However, any progress is good progress. I would start by trying to understand yourself more than you currently do, and from there, try to find a partner in the type of dynamic you're interested in that knows your goals and will do everything they can to help you work towards them. Best wishes, and good luck.

slavebilly​(sub male) • Oct 5, 2020

Wow! TBB...you've changed so much in one week!