Writing about bdsm when you are inexperienced

Storms n Abi{Whatever }

3 years ago • Oct 2, 2020

shahh wrote:

ONLINE TRAINING DOM wrote:

Ok, you totally misunderstood her.
I've been talking with her.
I know a little bit more about her situation.
She needs this as an outlet.
She wants to get her fantasies out and write what she feels.
She is not going to write a training manual about BDSM.
It's just fantasies, what the fuck is misleading about fantasies?
Since when the "erotic romance novel" genre is accurate?
And if some of you think that the "50 Shades of Gray" is an accurate description about the true BDSM lifestyle, you are very wrong.
I have posted stories and encourage submissive women to express themselves.
She was trying to get advice and ideas and you all put her down!
She wants to learn about the lifestyle. Most of you do not understand her situation, yet you are quick to jump in with the negative comments.
Shame of you all!

There is a big difference between asking for advice or input when you're trying to suss out your own fantasies and desires, and asking for people to describe their experiences so you can add it to a story you want to write...and I can only assume...want to profit from in some way. By all means write all the fantasies you have and go hard (pun intended although not always applicable LOL)... But the question was posed in a way that suggested others' stories were going to be used and not her own. We all know how offensive 50 Shades of Garbage was to anyone actually involved in the lifestyle, perhaps we're all trying to help her avoid that exploitation of a lifestyle and REAL people in it? To get advice or clarity about your own fantasies, it seems pertinent to reveal something of them and ask specific questions, not just a generalized...tell me all the things so I can write a novel. I apologize if this is too blunt...but that's how I roll around the spectrum.

Hmm... I get your point. I think I've not explained myself clearly.
I believe in originality so the writing will be my own voice with my own unique flavor. I don't believe in copying anyone's scene and add it to my work.
So basically, if one describes a scene, I will catch the emotions, feel them fully and then write a different scene by using those emotions. The need here is to feel those emotions and add them to my fantasy or something. I'm figuring it out as I go.
I'm also reading research papers , learning NLP, psychology of BDSM, Nietzsche, BDSM practical handbooks. A lot of reading and research is being done here.
So nothing, and I mean nothing, will ever be copied to violate anyone's privacy. It shames me to think of doing such an act. But I need to know and learn and grow. And what better way than this community of like minded, grounded individuals?

Bunnie	Bunnie 3 years ago • Oct 2, 2020 3 years ago • Oct 2, 2020 Bunnie • Oct 2, 2020 “But I need to know and learn and grow. And what better way than this community of like minded, grounded individuals?” Actually the best way is by experiencing it yourself

Nyteridr(dom male)

3 years ago • Oct 6, 2020

having written a story with a lady friend that led me to this life style over 20 yrs ago and recently rereading it i find that it isn't really a bdsm story but more a non consent type of story still i am thinking of fixing it and replacing a part that got lost and posting it but not in a bdsm category even though that type of actions are in there. It didn't click what type it was till a subbie friend of mine you had some bad experiences told me she couldn't help me edit it because of how it was affecting her.

remember if it not fantasy or fiction then make sure you know what you are talking about as i sure didn't when we wrote the story together.

Good Luck and hope your journey learning about bdsm is enjoyable.

SAXMANIAC(sub female)

3 years ago • Oct 6, 2020

ONLINE TRAINING DOM wrote:

The fact remains that she is trying to write about something she knows nothing about.
If I write a story that's set in New York City, I can ask people about it, Google it, maybe even look at some movies where that is the setting. OR I can move to New York and live there for 6 months. One of these methods will yield a true, authentic experience, the other will not. And I can certainly understand why members of this community would be wary about someone else misrepresenting something that is very real to us. So let her write about her fantasies without any labels. This isn't "BDSM for Dummies."