Are sub- Dom conversation confidential? or Ok to share what is said to others?

Are sub- Dom conversation confidential? or Ok to share what

EclecticRhetoric​(dom male) • Oct 14, 2020

Should A sub be worried that their conversation is not truly confidential? At first I believe that as adults, we all share the burden of responsibility. We all come from a place of vulnerability and look for fellow minded individuals to express our deepest desires and we now have a group of like minded people. No one wants to feel like an outcast or alone. If a sub expressed very important information to me, would I be wrong to share it with others? Abuse, addictions, whatever .. Anything I can rationalize to confirm that i am making the right decision. Am I protecting that sub by giving their information to others to assist my judgment of them or does that mean I broke our unwritten agreement of confidentiality.? We have this innate role to protect subs because they are deemed as needing a dom to protect and nurture?

What if we switch roles, and a sub tells other people what her dom says does that make it right? Does the need for protection now disappear because the sub comes from a position of supposed weakness? Better yet, should she or he tell other subs, to make judgement or " warn" potential subs? Just curious how to interpret confidentiality amongst strangers or technically are we all strangers?

HatfieldMaster​(dom male) • Oct 14, 2020

My two pennies worth....

I think the principle that a private conversation should remain private holds true for Dom/sub chats just as it does in any other walk of life.

However.... if you believe that someone is talking in a manner which suggests the very real possibility of someone coming to harm, or they are intending on doing something illegal, then i think its entirely fair to bring this to the attention of others. The principle being that the duty to protect others with what you know, is greater than the principle of a right to privacy.

nuli​(sub female){Unkolared} • Oct 14, 2020

Coming at this from the slave side. Any convo between me and my Master would be private unless i was given permission to share said convo. i would think that between a Dom and his submissive that would also be something they have dealt with in their rules for them. With that being said if i am talking with a Dom to meet up to play with or to see if a relationship of some kind is in the making then no i do not consider those convos to be private. IF something is said that i do not agree with or feels off i wont be shouting it from the roof tops nor posting it in places unless i am asking am i wrong in how i am understanding this leaving out his s/n or name. Or asking a trust friend am i taking this wrong? but i wont be trying to ruin someones life just because i dont agree with what is being said.

ElizaEmma​(sub female){NotLooking} • Oct 14, 2020

I share parts of some pertinent conversation with my therapist and my OBGYN. My Dom knows that those people know about my D/s relationship and does not require me to tell him exactly what I share or not share with them. His identity, however, always remains anonymous.

makemeplease​(sub female){Prussian} • Oct 14, 2020

I had never thought of it from that direction. My contract covers most related topics, but I've never thought about my Dom sharing information about me that I'd not shared myself... Interesting thought.

Mama Bear JJ​(dom female){koa} • Oct 14, 2020

Sharing personal information, words, photos, or videos of someone else that are shared with you in private with an understanding and intent that that information and those things remain private and between the two of you is wrong, regardless of what side of the slash you are on. There are only a few exceptions that justify disregarding that fact ...

(1) If the person who shared it also shares the same things publicly for all to see ... i.e. they talk about what they shared in their blog, on forum posts, or in comments. That of course is limited to sharing that which was shared publicly, not details or information beyond that. Doing so is wrong.

(2) Reporting the person to website admins/mods for rule violations .... i.e. harassment, abusive, or trolling behavior which are all against the rules here ... or to legal authorities for law violations for serious predators. Once that reporting is done, it should be left to those in charge or the authorities to handle, that is their job. Going out of your way to intentionally share and spread any or all of the things I listed at the start with anyone and everyone you possibly can, whether it is solicited from you or not, is wrong. The same implies inciting others to do so on your behalf. It is not your job to do so and it constitutes harassment and potentially defamation or worse. It makes you just as bad, and look just as bad, as the person you are sharing/spreading shit about.

And (3) if the person gives you permission to share any of the things listed.

Before anyone jumps all over me for my opinion ...

(1) I am in no way saying that you cannot post or have private discussions with friends and vent about your experiences when things go wrong ... all of the things I listed at the start are not necessary to do so, you can share your side, your personal information, and your personal experience and knowledge.

(2) I am no way saying that you cannot create a post or engage in a group/private discussion that educates others about specific behaviors, what they are and what to watch out for ... again, all of the things I listed at the start are not necessary to do so, you can share your side, your personal information, and your personal experience and knowledge.

And (3) ... no I'm not just spouting off bullshit. These things are common sense and common courtesy/decency. Also, I speak from my experiences as a lawyer and the laws that relate to these issues.

mstrseeking​(dom male) • Oct 14, 2020

Communication!! Unless explicitly stated, always assume a conversation isn't private. If privacy is of a concern, don't have the conversation. But communication about the issue is always strongly encouraged.

OraclePollon​(sub female){NotYours} • Oct 14, 2020

Devils advocate here. Though I believe that you should never use names. If you are just in a conversation with a Dom and he is not yours or are not submitting... you should get second opinions, or ask questions or share your thoughts. A lot of predators use techniques like this to isolate and alienate people so they can have more control. Even in a dynamic where you are committed to your Dom, if he forbids you from asking questions or seeking information, before a scene or for something you haven't done before. I am not necessarily sharing it with your friends, sometimes a simple search engine will do... but if you feel odd about it, it does not violate trust for you to want a second opinion, or see something from a different light... it should be encouraged. Not letting you is a control stemmed from insecurity, and not control at all.

realfreakydad​(dom male){NO} • Oct 18, 2020

it should be private between the dom and the sub! if the dom or the sub want it to be shared with other than they need to decide that together!