When you don't fit into a defined Dom or Sub category

When you don't fit into a defined Dom or Sub category

PawPawGirl​(sub female){Azzabackam} • Nov 1, 2020

How does one navigate being the type of sub that really doesn’t fit into any one defined “Sub” category? What do I do when one of those pieces is feeling lost, and it is affecting everything else? It’s not multiple sub-personalities, more like multiple-sub needs.

I completely understand that not all needs can be met by one’s Dom at the same time, how can I make sure that this doesn’t become a major issue and cause problems in my relationship? Are my expectations unrealistic? And if they aren't, but are causing friction in my relationship, how can I let it go? Because in the grand scheme of things, our relationship is worth any sacrifice.

Anyone else experiences something like this?

ribbonbaby​(sub female){Guarded} • Nov 1, 2020

Could you explain a bit more? Bc as far as I understand it every person, D or s, have their own personal needs and desires. But it sounds like you mean something else?

PawPawGirl​(sub female){Azzabackam} • Nov 1, 2020

When you need your Dom to be Daddy, Primal, Sadist, Rigger, Protector, White Knight, and Master because you are a Babygirl, Masochist, Brat, Princess, Slave, and sometimes Domme (not necessarily in that order nor all at the same time),

Re: When you don't fit into a defined Dom or Sub category

Miki​(masochist female) • Nov 1, 2020

"Defined category"-- we're not articles of clothing. Everyone has a different take on what and how to do things of a relationship/sexual nature. I most certainly defy the Label Crew (no one in particular) in that I am not a "true" sub as some who read the kink manuals would define. I'm strictly a sexual masochist and otherwise an independent professional woman not inclined to change that dynamic.
Be yourself. Those who are reasonable will respect that.

nuli​(sub female){Unkolared} • Nov 1, 2020

Without knowing which needs aren't being met or which side of your sub nature so to speak. You need to be honest with your Dom and talk to him and explain your feelings/needs/wants. It is then up to Him if he desires to meet those needs now or later

Bunnie • Nov 1, 2020

“how can I make sure that this doesn’t become a major issue and cause problems in my relationship?”

You communicate what isn’t working for you, and discuss it together.

“Are my expectations unrealistic?”

Yes.

“And if they aren't, but are causing friction in my relationship, how can I let it go?”

What if they are? Can you let them go anyway?
Any expectation is unrealistic... we can always hope, but we can never expect. All a relationship really is, is seeing if we grow along the same path together, regardless of the “rules” we have created for ourselves. Are you willing to allow your “rules” to shift? To compromise together? I think that is ultimately the question. Some people say yes, others say no... it’s an individual value.
We’re never going to be mirror images of those we’re with.

In all honesty, I don’t know if this particular situation can work... I’m much the same. I often wonder if I place too much pressure on whoever chooses to be my Master, because I am such a bundle of complexity... oftentimes contradictory complexity. However, it has shown me that all we can do is hope. Keep talking, keep overcoming any hurdles as they arise, and keep choosing each other (if that’s what we want). It’s a choice, every single day, to be where we are... we either do it with transparency and mindfulness, or we do it with ignorance... I believe mindfulness is where depth of intimacy and connection lays.

I hope this makes sense and perhaps helps in some way.

Aquarius Dom​(dom male) • Nov 1, 2020

You do it by crafting your Ds relationship your way through honest conversations about needs want and desires and reaching equitable compromises that work for both of you !

The label is just that a label !
It may say cutlery on the box but inside there are forks, knives and spoons , often in different shapes snd sizes !