Master v Dom v sub v slave

Curiousmind​(switch female) • Mar 28, 2021

I would like to add to the discussion ?.
I don’t believe in status names as a default. What i mean by that i would never address you as a Master or a slave unless we are in an established relationship. I don’t have any problems when people call themselves as such for eg “ Master Geoff” or “ Slave Rose”. I only disagree when people want to be called as such from the very beginning of a relationship without actually establishing themselves as a Master or a slave for a particular dynamic/relationship.

Dom and sub are slightly softer terms. And it’s easier to call someone a dom or a sub even without having an established relationship.

I am a slave but i am not a slave to everyone only to my Master. Likewise, you can be a Master but you are not my Master unless we are in the dynamic together.

Re: Master v Dom v sub v slave

MrFulmen • Mar 28, 2021

I've seen a ton of that. I see it both from manipulative D-types ("If you were a real slave you would do X.") and also as a kind of general gatekeeping. I've also seen plenty of "You aren't really a [dominant|submissive] you're just a [top|bottom]."

But I never see it the other way around. It's never "You aren't really a top; you're just a Master." And that suggests to me that no matter how much folks protest that they see all those labels as equally valuable, many people do keep a status hierarchy in their heads.

I see all versions of "I say you can't use that label you're using" almost exclusively online. Probably because it's rude, and it's easier to be rude from behind a keyboard.

DrWakko • Mar 28, 2021

I don’t put abusers in the same category as lifestylers. It’s one of the ways this lifestyle gets and has received a black eye for all these years. Like the push away from 50 shades.

Abusers don’t get credit in saying “you are x”.

What I’m getting at is you walk into a munch and are being introduced to people. You meet slave sally, you are introduced to Master Jim, you meet Sir Bob master to Allie and Mistress Amanda.

You will mentally raise flags to Master Jim and Sir Bob, but not slave sally or master to Allie or Mistress Amanda.

And no Sir Bob wasn’t knighted by the queen.

Curiousmind​(switch female) • Mar 28, 2021

Personally I would never rise flags to “Master Jim” or “Sir Bob”...i don’t have any problems to being introduced to someone with such title. I just would never call a person “Master...” unless he is my Master. I prefer addressing people by their first name until and if that person becomes my Master. Calling someone a Master is very personal to me and it doesn’t feel authentic to do so unless in an established dynamic. I totally understand that becoming a Master is a long process of establishing yourself in the community, of developing trust and respect of others but I don’t believe when such status has been reached, a Master should be called by everyone as “Master ...first name”.
It’s absolutely fine to carry that status but a bit incentive or prideful to expect to be called as such when meeting someone new. Just my opinion...The same I don’t want to be called “slave...my name” as it’s too personal to me . I love to be addressed as slave in the particular relationship not as a general term. I prefer to be addressed by my first name in general conversations with people.
Domination and submission are personal preferences for taking a certain position in the lifestyle
Master and slave are not personal preferences. These are distinguished titles that earned in a relationship between two individuals. These are too sacred to be used as general titles and being addressed as such by everyone in the community unless in reference to a particular relationship/dynamic. But again just my view and i respect different views on such topic by others.

Bunnie • Mar 29, 2021

I have to agree. A name doesn’t raise flags for me either. It’s behaviour that determines it for me.

acquiesced​(sub male) • Mar 29, 2021

I got my Master certificate back in the 80's, when the test was hard to ace. Today it's easy. I've been taking correspondence courses for the sub side though, still working on that.

Virginie​(sub female)​{lcpw} • Mar 31, 2021

Doc
i think you answered your own question. You said calling yourself Master irl could end in life or death outcomes. I immediately assume if someone irl calls themselves a Master- well, theyve mastered something at least, and that implies a level of trust if they claim say... to be a Master when it comes to Impact, or Zappies, rope etc. I have never been looking for a Mistress ( although i have had One) so i dont know if people seeking out a Mistress ask or not, but Id tend to think if the sub/slave is into say CBT..theyd do some asking.
As far as inquiring about someone being an actual 'sub' or 'slave' it may not happen the same way, or at the same time but it is called into question when its time to quote step up to the plate.

poppyclaire​(sub female) • Apr 2, 2021

I agree. I think the title of Master is more strongly (maybe not more frequently) questioned and they are held to a higher standard because of the risk involved. I have loads of questions for anyone I am about to give full control over to in general. Not at all sorry about that. I also think Master/Slave dynamics are more specific. I know for instance I'm not a slave and am very careful to make that distinction.

Plus everyone gets it. I'm questioned all the time about if I'm really a sub or not. By EVERYONE. Men do it obviously, but my friends do it too.