Intelligence in s types

Intelligence in s types

MisterAshmodai​(dom male) • Apr 4, 2021

I see the term ‘sapiosexual’ thrown around quite a bit on sites like this, and it has got me thinking about intelligence.

I could see how there might exist, within the community, a predominately unaddressed presumption that the D type should be possessed of a certain standard intellect, but that it is less important for an s type.

Personally, I do not have any sort of hard requirement; yet I do have a strong preference for intelligent s type partners. I find a high degree of adaptive intelligence very appealing.
Smart prey makes for smarter predators.

I am curious about what everyone else thinks on this matter.
Do you prefer an intelligent s type?
Would you take issue Domming (insert your verb here) someone who is more intelligent than you?
Is there a particular manifestation of intelligence that you prefer?
On the flip side, do you feel that a certain level of intelligence is necessary in a D type partner?

ElizaEmma​(sub female){NotLooking} • Apr 4, 2021

Speaking from the right side of the slash, ABSOLUTELY need to see signs of intelligence in a D type partner!! I do not even wish to be around stupid people, lest submit to one. After putting in the time and effort to get an education, cultivate interesting hobbies, get established in my career and acquire a level of creature comfort, why, why on earth would I wish to hand myself to some idiot who cannot write a coherent sentence, cannot tell the difference between "you're" and "your", etc., etc.?

(Sorry, I may be over-reacting as recently got approached by too many low-life insta-doms, who failed to read my profile, asking me to move and enter into a 24/7 TPE and go live with them in their trailer park).

But seriously, again, from the subs perspective, a successful D/s relationship requires communication, respect, and trust. It would be very challenging to establish that unless the D type possesses certain amount of intelligence. I have also heard from the D types I interacted with that it is an ego boost to have a "trophy sub", i.e. one who is intelligent, powerful and successful in vanilla life but completely submits to them.

CSI • Apr 4, 2021

Good question. I think there are different types of intelligence. Some people are book smart and some are are street smart and some have a combination of the two. I think rather than needing someone to be more intelligent than I am, I need to be able to respect them. As long as they continue to learn and better themselves, it should all be good. That being said, if they refuse to learn/adapt/change and rather try to overpower or just put down/negate my intelligence, that isn't going to fly with me. I need someone to stimulate me, to help me grow, and someone who will learn with me as we grow.

L a r s​(dom male) • Apr 4, 2021

Gonna be blunt here. When I see "sapiosexual" I am instantly mistrustful of that person. Oh, your sexually atteacted to intelligence? It's not just that you're trying to justify that someone not being quite as sharp as you is a deal breaker?

The fact of the matter is, it's tough for folks with different levels of intelligence to get along. The world is not viewed the same way. But that's also a kind of classism. I have friends who are staggeringly brilliant, and friend who can just barely get by in the world. What matters is that they're good people.

We ascribe morality to intelligence, and that's absolutely bullshit. Is it any better than ascribing morality to good looks? Or being born talented?

If you're just gonna say "I want a dom/sub that I can have a deep conversation with, without either of us dumbing it down" that's fine. Just say it. I HIGHLY doubt that you're actually sexually attracted to that, rather than just feeling disgusted and morally superior to folks less intelligent, but fine.

For me it's the content of their character. I will use everything at my disposal to be a good dom, and expect my sub to do the same.

Defender​(dom male) • Apr 4, 2021

Do not over-estimate intelligence and under-estimate wisdom.

ElizaEmma​(sub female){NotLooking} • Apr 4, 2021

@Defender, speaking like a true older Dom! Agree with you 100%, but then the two are not mutually exclusive, are they? Can we have both please?

@Lars, I never use "sapiosexual"; don't like big words. Nor am I denying there are lots of good people who do not appear sharp or fit into society's definition of intelligent. Call it classism or what, my bedroom is not an equal-opportunity-zone. I hire, work for/with, and befriend all sorts of people, but when it comes to a Dom, it is my prerogative to be super picky. If I end up alone, so be it.

SubJo • Apr 4, 2021

I'm very successful every highly educated I can't really truly be dominated by someone who is not, not in the long run. Those religions will always be short term and mostly sextual.

L a r s​(dom male) • Apr 4, 2021

@ElizaEmma I have no problem with that. No one is obligated to find anything attractive that they don't naturally.

My issue is with folks trying to pretty it up. "Sapiosexual" to me just screams that they look down on others and want to use kink as a shield.

Personally, I love when I can have interesting, and deep conversations with someone I am atteacted to. But that's because I love those kinds of conversation. It isn't a kink or sapiosexual.

You're probably similar, and if you're going to be in a relationship, would wabt it to be with someone you get along with, and can enjoy hobbies with. Nothing wrong with that, if you tell it like it is.

MisterAshmodai​(dom male) • Apr 4, 2021

So, for the sake of keeping this thread on point, let’s define wisdom as ‘utilizing information’ and intelligence as ‘the rate at which you process information’.
The two should not be compared, but considered in complement to one another.
Proper grammar, book vs street smarts, and the semantics of labels are all examples of wisdom.

Even education level is only tangentially correlated to intelligence in that deliberate exposure to information improves the development of neural pathways.

I would also wholeheartedly argue that it is very possible to be sexually attracted to intelligence. Especially coming from a Primal mindset, if I met a prey partner who reacts quickly and adapts to my actions in a way that keeps me moving, that is very attractive to me.
If I meet a sub who possesses cunning or wit, that immediately appeals to me.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Apr 4, 2021

Hah... Morality? I say loyalty. This is where reasons comes into play. And as such context.

Let's think about this logically. Can you trust someone that doesn't even try to be aware of a situation when you're affected by that situation? I can't trust what is blind.

Consider how too many people make it about what they currently know and never ask or try to get context/your side of the story.

Or to put it another way, are they even trying to be considerate? in fact are they trying for you at all, period? And if so with what? Where? Why? What's the reason for it?

Too many people lose sight of that. Which would explain why people desire brains. Personally I just need to see certain key traits.

The real question is this. Who is smart enough to admit when they're an idiot? Now those are the people I can trust. Because they claim responsibility and accountability for what they do.

If you don't consider the possibility then your own ignorance is your own undoing. I keep all this in mind but I may not speak it if it's not necessary. When is it necessary? When someone expresses doubts or has concerns or otherwise makes it clear they need to know (and if they need to know then THEY need to know. You do NOT decide for them). At that point I'm going "You're saying what you do for a reason". I'm also going to ask something VERY important. That is much more important then knowing it all. What DON'T you know? This has always been my winning argument. Provided people can give straight answers. Be very mindful of anyone that can't even answer at all. Chances are they won't claim responsibility for their own hypocrisy.

Simply put, straight answers and honesty. And reminders about context and finding out helps too. Talking about understanding and asking. etc. If you got an education and can't do that and another person can do that when they never been schooled, then you tell me which is the smart one and who's being dumb. People that SHOULD know better fuck up. People that put their minds to it and willpower themselves to get results make good things happen. It's a choice. To be considerate enough to ask question instead of jumping to the worst possible conclusion. To make the commitment to be observant when others don't plan ahead enough. Which people can take offence too when reminded of (It's because they feel inadequate/inferior). But feelings aren't logic. Logically, *intelligently*, full and fair warning was given. And you continued anyway.

Now, compare this to someone that goes "You need" and "You should". And otherwise speaks for others as if it's their choice and not yours. As if they're deciding for you. Frankly, it's pretty stupid behaviour. This is not smart. It is dumb. And harmful. So I'm sure you can see why being aware (eg: smart) is considered safer. And thus more attractive. At least when intelligence is applied to specific situations.

Here's the thing though. People often use themselves as an excuse. Without giving reasons about why they are as they are. When challenged, these people buckled. Even crumble. Unless they can give reasons for their actions. I will expose you for what you really are. I won't be the one to tell you, you will be the one to tell me. Every time I've had to do this I've always found out peoples hypocrisy. Frankly, I have a brain. I do know when I'm being bullshitted. And if it happens again we have an issue. I will not stand for being LIED too. But it's actually the other person that's been lying to themselves. In a word, denial. Which leads to excuses. You get away with the first time once you've been made aware. You were ignorant. Can't fault that too much. But when you know better, you know better.

One of two things will happen at that point. When someone is exposed for what they really are instead of what they claimed they are. They'll either flee with their tail tucked between their legs (that's a flag). Or they'll keep talking with you and love you for being corrected and challenged. Which can be done in fun ways with action instead of just talking alone. I'm all for understanding, but where's the action?

What I need to see is if you're considering something other then your own viewpoint alone and if you're having an open mind instead of assuming the worst at every turn. What I view as intelligent is if you're NOT doing some things. What I view as intelligent is if you're making it about what you DON'T know. Or are you so close minded and fragile that everyone else is always wrong and you're only ever perfect? Because if someone is like that then i lose all respect for them. Which can be regained if they're being understanding instead of judgemental.

Someone that only ever assumes the worst and never asks clearly doesn't have enough of a brain. Some people will learn when challenged. Can get on with them. Coexistence. In fact personally speaking I always make sure things go really well at that point and we'll make each other happy.

I'm basically saying ASKING is intelligent. Only someone with deep rooted insecurities takes offence to finding answers. And if that's the case that's a flag. Means they don't consider how they can hurt you/others.

Just so we're clear when I give full and fair warning my observations do come to light. And even if people ignored me at first they have to say I was right to warn them. That's why a having the bigger brain is important. Because your partner could be an idiot and you need to keep them safe. To me, intelligence isn't attractive at times (but can be at other times. It depends on the situation). It can be quite stressful having to remind people to consider things more at times. I could quite honestly do with less of the stress when idiots blunder in blind. This is the unattractive side of it.

At some point idiots learn and intelligence becomes attractive. Because now you're BOTH using your brains. Instead of one person doing all the work. But in order to get to that point you have to THINK and CONSIDER what's fair and how to make things work properly.

Let's be honest here. Too many people are lazy shits that make excuses to not consider how you can make each other happy. Everyone might be different but there's a basic pattern to make things work. And it's NOT your assumptions and your way of doing things alone. Or mine for that matter. We are NOT excuses to willingly be ignorant and be inconsiderate assholes. And stooping to that level does not make two wrongs right.

I could go on. But my point is some people act before they think. And that can be very dangerous if not monitored/controlled by one person or/and the other. I'm a man of action. I need activity. But if someone is a blind idiot then they're a danger. To me. To themselves. And to the people around them. That doesn't mean I'll avoid them, some people learn. Good things can happen quickly too.

But if someone only ever blames, contradicts themselves and doesn't claim responsibility for anything they do then I just don't feel safe. The biggest danger is actually in things like assumptions. And never asking. Seriously, talk down on me and I can turn that into fun and laughter. But telling me things that aren't true when you contradict yourself? That's a BLACK flag. Nevermind a red. Without honesty there is not trust.

Intelligent enough for you?