Sub Training Advice

Sub Training Advice

BeardedGent​(dom male) • Apr 29, 2021

Hey all! Just joined the forum. After many discussions and talks my wife and I have decided to start a D/s 24/7 lifestyle. We have a pretty detailed contract (about 20 pages) that we have written outlining a lot of stuff. We are going to sign it this weekend and am going to give her a training collar.

I have read a lot of books on the subject of being her Dom and I am wanting training to be around a month or so. I am going to start with taking her "spanking temperature" using my hand and various other things to see what is pleasurable and what would be more in line with a punishment. I also have her a journal for daily use and a journal for training tasks. I am going to plan on doing daily training outlines with the days rules as well as training oriented tasks.

I am wanting to know from other Doms how did you train your sub and any tips? Input from subs is appreciated too!

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Apr 29, 2021

I would suggest not overloading her with too much, too soon. You are both new to this change and you want to have achievable goals. Do not set either of you up for failure.

As an aside, personally, it seems as if your "training timeline" may be too short. Training can take months and depending on the dynamic, it can take longer.

Enjoy yourselves. There is no rush.

MrFulmen • Apr 29, 2021

I'm in agreement with SirsBabyDoll. It sounds like you're starting with a whole lot of structure, and perhaps a lot of expectations, right off the bat, and you may find that it overloads either or both of you.

Research and preparation are good, but you're likely to find that many things feel different in reality than you imagined they would. So it can work well to start with one rule or one ritual or whatever, see how that feels for a week or two, fine tune it, then add another. If you're gonna start off with a twenty page contract, maybe plan regular times to review and adjust that contract as you feel your way into living your dynamic.

Dominus eius​(dom male){LittleLott} • Apr 29, 2021

Hi BeardedGent,

There is a lot of sense in the comments from both SirsBabyDoll and MrFulmen. I suggest heeding it.

My wife and I are working down the path of a 24/7 dynamic. Do not underestimate the effort and commitment that this needs. Especially if (as it sounds) you aren’t accustomed to BDSM style scenes - such as spanking.

I’m assuming that you have “life” to manage too. While living a 24/7 lifestyle sounds amazing and simple, you’ll be able to read lots about that too - much of what you read is written from a perfect scenario situation. In reality (for 90% of us), you have to allow for jobs, family (do you have children - or plan to), home things(paying bills, fixing the leaking tap), times of illness and a thousand other things.

I would definitely recommend starting slow and simple and then adding the layers as you get to grips with what you have. Also, be prepared to sometimes need to take a step back here and there. Don’t forget to enjoy the journey too.

We’ve definitely realised that this is the way to go.

Sammy45​(sub female) • Apr 30, 2021

I would totally agree with everyone so far

I would say that 20 page document as detailed as it is I would find overwhelming and I’m kicking around a long time I’m no rookie

Sometimes if you have not tried something before and not lived within a structure in your head might seem pretty reasonable and achievable

The reality is often very different especially when you have work , family , every day commitments .... juggling is often difficult and throws a spanner in the works

Like everyone said start at a much lower point , allow confidence to build on both sides . Gradually add

Feeling of failure or disappointing for most and can set you both back

Build a structure that is achievable , firm foundations which will support you throughout your journey

For me it about the journey and not the destination

Training comes in many guises, , serving and good service , physical, sexual , education both written n reading

Communication is the key in relation to training

Clarity and consistency ... are vital when implementing training
Always clarify purpose of training and when you required things

I would say a dominant who lives 24/7 has so much responsibilities and sometimes these responsibilities are not always fun particularly relating to punishments

Following through on your role and responsibilities may seem easy on paper too but when you are tired and have a million other things to juggle it’s hard

Living 24/7 is by no means easy
It’s sounds very idelic when It is written and spoke about

The reality is it takes time and hard work

There is a specific site that geared towards married people , it’s very informative and practical ...

LittleLotte{Taken} • Apr 30, 2021

Hi Bearded Gent,

A 24-7 dynamic is extremely rewarding, but it doesn’t happen overnight and from experience it’s a real rollercoaster! My sir and I are about 6 months into our journey. We started slow, which was perfect as it meant I could focus on a few small things and master them, before adding in more difficult tasks. Like some of the comments above, life does affect the training process and from personal experience, it’s important to have regular check-ins so that you can both assess what is and isn’t working for both of you. Having a long list of rituals and etiquette is a great goal to work towards, but it’s a long way to fall and the sense of failure can be crushing.

If you get stuck or need any guidance, there are plenty of knowledgeable folks on here

But most important of all....have fun and enjoy the journey 😀

DaddyDrago​(dom male){LilAmethys} • Apr 30, 2021

Greetings to you,

I could not agree more with all that had been said!
Slow and steady will get you there.

BDSM, especially 24/7, is a lifestyle. A discipline.
Like martial arts, or yoga. It can become all consuming, deep, beautiful, fulfilling and rewarding on every level. But it takes loads of practice. Lots of getting it wrong before it looks true to the form you both feel it should look like. I would encourage grace.
Grace can look like taking methodical, deliberate, intentional steps to savor every moment of the journey.
Grace can look like laughter in the face of the foibles of it not looking like you had hoped.
Grace can look like slowing down and making room for life.

Navigating 24/7 is magical. Even the falling on your face in the mud parts. Because wrestling together for something that matters to you both when you are scared, or lost, or confused can only bring you closer.
Keep your ideals. Shoot for the moon!!!
Also give yourself grace to accept you are here on earth.
It is not a race, or an objective to achieve.....it is a discipline to learn. However that looks for you and yours.

Best of luck!!
I am truly excited for you both!!

Sir Don​(dom male){Nt looking} • Apr 30, 2021

I am in agreement with what has been said by Daddy Drago and Dominus Eius ,other things will come into play with 24/7. I am 24/7 with Grey Eyes and there is a blend of vanilla and the lifestyle. Rushing in and not knowing certain things can be a recipe for disaster. Just my 2 cents

Aquilla{ • • •. [} • May 1, 2021

It seems you have written the equation and have predicted the outcome. But people are unique, and when you put two of them together you cannot know how it will turn out ahead of time. That is the mystery of relationships. You will have to feel your way through it like a dark cave. Go slow, stay close and accept that things will be different than you expected.

MasterFracDaddy • May 1, 2021

You have over complicated it completely. In my opinion, it’s ultimately destined for failure. I would set limits together and then go through the fun of testing those limits. A 20 page document is nonsensical and reeks of a romantic comedy that is absolutely not headed where your imaginations are leading you.....