Newbie sub just beginning her journey

DrWakko • Aug 8, 2021

This has nothing to do with honorifics. Thought I'm willing to bet he has never attended a kink class or has any kink education.

What I am calling a red flag is someone praying after new people. That is a red flag. Calling yourself "master" with out a kink education is a red flag for me.

Getting into relationship so quick is like jumping into a pool before changing into a bathing suit.

FearlessBrat​(sub female){H.PL.} • Aug 8, 2021

Congratulations!

Unfortunately, I will rain on your parade.

Those who live and understand what dynamic is about will tell you that it takes time to vet someone in order to enter one. It takes months.

How so, you ask?

This Lifestyle attracts Malicious Predators(human trafficking, sex offenders, those who can use your photos or recorded videos of you on pornographic websites), Narcissist, Sex Addicts, Vanilla men who cannot get a date, those that think that when you are in a dynamic with a Submissive or a Dom, you get sex 24/7. Or just simply fulfill their kinks and abandon the sub or a Dom.

Entering into the dynamic with a person that doesn't have your best interest can scar you mentally, emotionally and physically.

Hence the long period of getting to know one another.

Majority of us experienced the Euphoria when entering a new relationship/dynamic. All those brain chemicals influence our decisions making, hence the plethora of breaks up after the honeymoon period(usually three months up to a year)
Jumping into a dynamic within a week or two or being pushed into one is a red flag...as stated by others.

What can I strongly suggest....take your precious long time getting to know your Dom...and yes that means regular vanilla dates no kink involved. It is Doms responsibility to ensure your safety and your comfort in order to build trust. Trust and communication that is needed to buil great dynamic. Observe if your Dom is constant and consistent with what he says or does.

Educate yourself, watch for reg flags. Make friends that can help you. Those friends won't be emotionally involved hence their opinion won't be biased and they will be able to observe red flags.

There is a lot of literature out there, for Submissives as well for Doms. I personally read for D and s in order to have both perspectives.

Hope this helps a little....

Wishing you all the best,

FB

curious dee​(switch female) • Aug 8, 2021

Thank you for the explanation fearless brat! Another question I have is the difference in vetting for online vs irl dynamics...is there any?

EagerToPleaseYou​(sub female) • Aug 8, 2021

I'm 50 and just started exploring this year. I've had some great experiences and not so great experiences but I have learned from them all. I wish I discovered this community earlier but I'm glad to be here now. Good luck on your journey. Take your time exploring.

cherilynn​(sub female) • Aug 9, 2021

Welcome to the party!
I still remember the day I discovered there were other people like me; that I wasn't alone.

Just please don't forget to be very, very careful and take your time. No need to rush into things.

FearlessBrat​(sub female){H.PL.} • Aug 9, 2021

Curious Dee, thank you for the follow up question....

In my opinion not really with few exceptions perhaps.

Today, with the access to all types of social media from Facebook, Twitter, Quora and many more.. most interaction will start online...others will start during a class, a munch or in a dungeon.

Vetting someone online is tricky since you have to rely on what you are told...hence it is great idea to have questions and follow up questions...sooner or later they will slip and you will be aware of that since you have/will have more education/knowledge than average online "dom" from Google search engine. Having that knowledge gives you plethora of questions that can be used. They don't have to be associated with your interests, needs and kinks. They will give you an idea if what the Dom or a sub(let's not forget, it applies both ways)states in their profile is true or not.. Example; Dom states that has experience in ropes for decades. Here you can ask questions regarding types of knots, ropes, who can be suspended or not and why? That's your weapon.
Another way of vetting someone online would be does their word is followed by actions...Example, they say they are single but they can only interact online, phone or video calls at specific times, they would disappear for a weekend, later to emerge for the week...etc

When it comes to in real life, it is a little bit easier. Since you can actually vet them not only in person but as well you can ask for references and what is general opinion regarding particular Dom or a sub in a community you met them
Yes! You can ask for references of previous submissives, whether the vetting is done online or in real life...
Regardless if the dynamic ended on good or bad terms a Dom or a Sub shouldn't have problem with that. After all, you are not interested in the drama (everyone has it) but truly in the facts. Facts such as; how did the training looked like, were boundaries respected, was there aftercare, were the health limits respected, did they lie or cheated, etc. If either has problem or/and excuses....for me that's a red flag and
I am/would proceed with causion...


Please keep in mind....this is not a bullet proof system. A predator has an agenda and most want to get there by pushing you as fast as they see they can push you, but there those as I call them long haulers which they will take time to gain your trust and then get what they want.

Knowledge, common sense and listening to your intuition should lead you into success...

A DOM will be constant and consistent with who they are and their Dominance. They will have your best interest at heart.



FB

PS. There is a book 62 questions for your Dom by Micheal Makai....Also Polarity and Polirty 2 by Virginia Ford...