Advice needed

Not sure​{No} • Oct 5, 2021

That's great advice, thank you

Dominus eius​(dom male)​{LittleLott} • Oct 5, 2021

Hello,

I’ve just been reading through this thread and wonder if some of the replies have missed where you are coming from - or maybe I have it completely wrong.

Looking at your profile - the fact you seem to have joined this site in order to ask this question. Would I be correct to phrase your situation as this:

You have not previously explored or been involved in a “kink” dynamic or relationship. You were on a standard dating site and met up with someone. Then, things have evolved from banter into you having rules/expectations/tasks that would seem (to you) to actually be part of a Dominant/submissive dynamic.

If I’ve understood correctly, while agreeing with several of the previous replies (MissBonnie in particular), can I also suggest something else. Have you asked him whether he is into BDSM and whether that’s something he’s looking for? It is probably worth having this very base level conversation - to understand if he’s just playing a bit of a game, or if he’s looking for a serious dynamic. Then you know where you stand and can decide whether either is something you want to explore. This would then (assuming he’s looking for a dynamic) open the door to discuss what you want and the pace you are comfortable with.

I hope that is of some help.

DE

Not sure​{No} • Oct 5, 2021

Little Lott

You nailed it! I've actually just spoken with him . He says he's no dom, just lines being in charge. But all of you have so helpful, and I've learnt a lot. And maybe I'll be back xxx

Dominus eius​(dom male)​{LittleLott} • Oct 5, 2021

Hi Not Sure,

I’m happy to hear that. Good luck - I hope things go well for you.

Should you decide this lifestyle is something you wish to explore. Then it’ll be great to see you back. Some advice should that happen.

Communication between you and your partner is crucial to success - be totally open with each other about what you’re looking to achieve and what works - plus what doesn’t.

Also, my name is Dominus Eius. The name in brackets is a reference to your partner (if you have one and if you chose to put it there). Therefore my submissive can be found under Little Lotte. I’m not bothered by this - just thought it worth letting you know - I’m case someone else does get bothered.

All the best,

DE

Thank you and sorry

Not sure​{No} • Oct 6, 2021

Miki​(masochist female) • Oct 6, 2021

You should never have to suppress your personality or worry about doing that.

Dates are about "being yourself" letting the other half be "themselves" and going from there.

I was on a date (some time ago as I am socially inactive right now)once and the guy was kind of forward and while there are times I lke that and am receptive, other times I'm not. In this case "not" So I ordered a glass of ice and set it in front of the dude and he "got it" -- with a smile and the evening went well and each went home having had a nice time.

It won't always be this smooth and easy, some guys are more pushy than others, and to be non-insultingly honest, men tend to be "wired" that way and the good ones "get the message" when you send signals that an evening ending in "boinky boink" won't happen.

If they don't get it and persist, that's a signal to call it an early evening, offer a smiley "Thanks!" and be on your way.

Not that shutting the door is necessary, but sending a clear message that "the door" closing and your date has to change their approach to continue another time.

Thanks everyone

Not sure​{No} • Oct 7, 2021

I appreciate all the advice, its been enlightening. Although he's now ghosted me, I think he has helped me sort through a few things, always a positive out of a nightmare