Just curious why do subs state they have so many messages but keep their picture up?

Just curious why do subs state they have so many messages bu

EclecticRhetoric​(dom male) • Mar 16, 2022

If amazon stated they had a product, but after you order tell you its back orderd for 6 months. You would state thats bad customer service and not transparent. If i am a sub and i am being approached by 15-30 doms, a smar tthing would be to remove your picture or put a message stating they aren't.

as a dom and male, the desire for a female sub to contact a dom is minimal on this site. Infact if I create a ghost page and put up a profile and let it sit for a year I would probably get 15 messages in 12 months.

Do you suggest a sub take off their picture when they are getting over loaded. Do you sugges tthey put up a message on their page? Do you suggest they just ignore messages. from others?

curious what people would recommend. I clearly don't have that problem. been onhere for a year and get 2 -3 messages a week. lol 1 sub said she gets 85 a day.

sineater • Mar 16, 2022

The amount of messages some people get on sites/apps like this can be staggering. It could definitely be considered an issue. But people's profile's aren't just an advertisement or a means of networking, its also an expression of ones self. Taking off a picture just because you're not on the market limits one's expression. Additionally, removing a picture or adding a profile message won't stop a large portion of message senders. Blank accounts of subs still get many messages. Since this site doesn't have a concise section for 'what i'm looking for' on a profile, adding that to the about me might help, but it also might feel out of place for for some people. Non-engagement works well, but having to wade through the unwanted messages to get to your friends messages is annoying also.

The FET app has a substantial message/match filtering system. You can set age/orientation/kinks/range filters so that anyone who doesn't meet the criteria cannot contact you unless you contact them first. I'd consider a system like that would be the best option, but the complexity might be daunting, both from a new user point, and from a site development point.

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Mar 16, 2022

It's disingenuous for any man (in other words, the OP) to suggest that a woman removing a profile pic will discourage unsolicited attention. I'm wearing a collar, and in addition, IF any man bothered to read my profile, they would know to refrain from disrespecting both me *and* Mr. Parker.

Yet I regularly get "doms" and "switches" slithering into my messages proclaiming how much they need me to suck their cocks or bend over and spread my ass cheeks for them - while my dom stands aside and watches. It's a never ending adventure to be a woman on these kink sites while a few men sit back and complain about how *women* conduct themselves and imply we're leading their horny asses on in some way. 😉

Zelia • Mar 16, 2022

What an absurd notion to equate profiles as advertisements and pictures as some kind of illustration of a product.

Bunnie • Mar 16, 2022

I learned very early on here that not having a picture of myself or anything that looked realistic, greatly reduced the amount of attention I received. This was long before the days of having the option to simply block off allowing others to contact freely.

It’s been so long since I’ve had a “normal” presence on here, and much has changed in that time, so I’m not sure as to how it would be these days.

What do I suggest? As a sub who does prefer to do the approaching, I suggest yes, remove pictures, and lock off the option for others to contact you. You can still contact anyone you’re interested in speaking with (if their message system isn’t locked off), and once that contact has been established, it’s a freely flowing connection between you both. For me though it’s not because I get bombarded. For me it’s about narrowing my search to be very specific to what I’m actually looking for. I have no interest in anyone who approaches me, so in a way it’s a super quick way of weeding out those who I don’t have any interest in.

When the option to lock off messaging systems became an option, I sat with it for a little while and wondered why there was an aspect of me that considered not utilising this awesome feature. I realised there was a small part of me that in all honesty, loved the attention. Like they say, “any attention is good attention”… right? It was a big lesson in understanding my ego in ways I hadn’t recognised before. A part of me believed that all that “attention” meant I was finally being seen and finally a part of me that was like a dying plant, was being watered. It took a little bit for me to come to being ok with letting that go… especially after a lifetime of feeling unseen. I wasn’t able to set and maintain clear boundaries, so I simply had to take the good with the bad. Nowadays I’m not so sure… in some ways I have strong boundaries, in other ways not so much. I don’t just speak of men or Dominants. For me it’s about anyone. They say that we are most influenced by the five people we choose to have around us. I’m very selective as to who I choose to allow to influence me.

A Cloud​(sub female){Owned} • Mar 16, 2022

I think we all know the answers to these questions and it's pretty clear when people are seeking to be 'seen' or validated with attention. But most do it one way or another as part of our human desire to be accepted by the tribe so to speak. Hell, I do it in my own way quite a bit.

It is, however, a little bit funny when complaints about attention are posted to get attention. 😂

Zelia • Mar 17, 2022

When I had pictures it was nothing to do with validation or being seen and everything to do with expressing what I was about or often I posted a picture that I had discussed in messages with someone, before I was a premium user. Once or twice my Master told me to post a particular picture.

I find the idea that anyone should reduce their self expression in order to avoid messages a bit like telling women not to wear short skirts to avoid unwanted attention. As previously stated there is the option to simply delete messages or to block them altogether.

SuperEight​(sub female) • Mar 17, 2022

Let's not compare people with objects (unless that's what floats your boat in a consensual dynamic, obviously). To suggest that someone's mere presence in an online community is an advertisement for a dynamic is, at the very least, incorrect. Having a picture on your profile isn't some sort of false advertising for a product that was never actually offered.

To answer your questions, I suggest people of both sides of the / have whatever picture they prefer on their profile. As for a message on their page stating whether they're looking for a dynamic, most do if it's not already stated in their screen name. And as for choosing to respond to messages, that's their choice to or not to interact with others

sweetbutsour • Mar 17, 2022

I can smell some jealousy here. Let me guess, that sub must be attractive at least in her pictures. She used the excuse of getting too many messages to refuse you and deep down you suspected if that’s true. So you challenged her because if you can’t own it you don’t want others to have it either. LOL

Maybe she likes the attention and she is waiting for her perfect man. And she is willing to filter a lot of noise to get there.

A Cloud​(sub female){Owned} • Mar 17, 2022

Um okay...
Everything about being human and interacting with others is to do with being seen and validated. It's normal behaviour for a group of more than one. Our brains and function are still very primal. It comes from our primitive response to dangers/threats/fear (fight, flight or freeze). Our survival depended on being part of the tribe. Much of our social needs come down to this, knowing we belong. How do we know we are accepted? Through validation of being seen and valued in whatever form that comes in.

I am not making judgements on anyone personally. Go to my profile or my blog and you will see my photos etc. I do it for personal and creative reasons but I recognise that it is for attention as well, otherwise I would not post it or have a blog. I objectify myself knowing I want to be looked at and it will attract attention. I accept risk as a possibility - not with shoulds or shouldn'ts, but as reality. Anything I do has flow on effect and to not acknowledge the responsibility of this would be remiss of me. Others poor behaviour (blaming, non-acceptance, abuse) is beside the point in terms of acknowledging the reality of the situation. We live in a patriarchal society; misogyny exists; predators exist - I know this well. Yes, it should be that we can express ourselves freely without such risk. But that's idealistic because there is always impact - it's physics and a law of nature. We cannot live freely without it being at someone else's expense.

Probably going to get some backlash from this comment but I accept this as a reaction to my action of posting this. Shoulds and shouldn'ts aside, it's a law of nature and physics be it a patriarchal, matriarchal or tribal society.