Finding Local Community

Finding Local Community

CuriousGreen​(dom male) • Mar 27, 2022

Hi I've been interested in getting into this kind of stuff for a while but have been a bit too embarrassed to actually get involved and learn more about this kind of kink. I guess I've always been interested and excited about trying to become a dom and I think I'm at a point in my life where I'm ready to explore and learn more about the lifestyle. I'm single right now so I'd like to learn more about how to be a dom (especially how to be a healthy and safe one) from my local kink community and how to start getting involved. I'm completely new to this so I'd like some advice and recommendations on how to get started. Also I'm not sure how important this is to mention but I'll mention it just in case, I'm heterosexual who's interested in learning how to dom. Overall I'm interested in learning how to dom and meeting people in the community who can help teach me. Thank you!

Morgein • Mar 27, 2022

I believe your best bet for connecting to your local community is going to be FetLife. It's a website, in case you're not familiar. You'll be able to find local groups, munches, and others activities in your area.

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Mar 27, 2022

It worked for me and Mr. Parker.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Mar 28, 2022

Florida has a wealth of easily found, without going to that website, bdsm munches, venues and dungeons. Start with the Woodshed, would be my suggestion.

Miki • Mar 30, 2022

Fetlife.. Meh.. Works for some but always be on guard.

While finding what you're looking for in Fetlife is nowhere near as hard as finding a needle in a haystack--- (that's not saying much). Time, patience, and due diligence is what you would need in relative abundance.

As for being too embarassed, even on Fetlife you can find munches and gatherings of like-minded individuals in or near your area, ---unless you live in a remote one-horse town called "Bear's Ass, Montana" ---. When you locate such a place or group the cause to feel embarassed should evaporate.

Plus in these times, there's less to worry about "Being seen going into THAT place" as they might have been for gays and lesbians to enter bars and clubs that are popular among them decades ago.

Just relax, be yourself, try whatever options come open for you and above all else, patience is not only a virtue, it's in the recipe for eventual success.

RogueWolf​(dom male){Gaiawolf} • Mar 31, 2022

agreed and whilst fetlife would help you find them more easily, it's not as great as most would say. It is a bit of a minefield.. it has good and bad points. as for how to be a good Dom, everyone will have an opinion.. mostly a) don't be a douche, b) listen to your sub/partner c) respect their/ your limits and safewords d) see a). I can not stress how important point a) is. On a lot of platforms, your average Dom thinks with the head between their legs not the one on their shoulders. Don't be posting pictures of your junk, they don't want to see it; and if they do.. they will ask (trust that one). get to know them as a person before you talk kinks or sex.. If you are looking more for one or the other be honest, if you want a nice blend of each, again be honest.. Don't be afraid to learn, any Dom worth their salt will state that they are always learning even when they've been here for decades.. we never cease to grow as people. Find people willing to help you grow as a person and a Dom for no other purpose than to see you grow (yes people will have ulterior motives).. Can't say I have any other sage advice.. but others will.

OG Cupcake{4everAlone} • May 25, 2022

i use fetlife for the munches. once i started going that turned into two decent friendships. and i think that is the point in this lifestyle, making connections and friendships, growing from there.
so yes fetlife is overwhelming at times and there are always nerves. but there are good people out there, we just have to push ourselves out of our comfort zone.

theCage may be smaller but it's easier to get to know those that use it, they just generally aren't close -.-

Sir Don​(dom male) • May 26, 2022

I agree with OG
Going to a local munch is one good thing .
Meet some people that will be good friends. Ours is held in a local restaurant in a casual setting.

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • May 26, 2022

Bingo! The larger site can't be rivalled when it comes to the possibility of connecting to someone local to you. I met Mr. Parker within a month of joining and we spent another few weeks getting to know each other through online and phone conversations before moving into vanilla dating for another few months. I'm aware some people are intimidated by the sheer volume associated with it and I've heard some people here remark how "dirty" it makes them feel, but the bottom line is the wider you cast your net the greater your chances of "catching a fish".