Need confidence

Need confidence

moose man • Apr 17, 2022

I am looking for ways to improve my self-confidence in this Dom sub relationship anything will help

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Apr 17, 2022

i think a big part of confidence comes from self acceptance. i believe in order to have self acceptance one has to (truly and thoroughly) know their self, which i think involves a lifelong practice of honest introspection and reflection. I.e., we have to want to know who we are and what is there above any standard we may hold. Coupled to that is doing the best to be the best one can be, according to the standards one sets for oneself. Being "true" to oneself, and others, is the biggest confidence builder i can think of.

moose man • Apr 17, 2022

Thank you trying to work on myself

sineater • Apr 17, 2022

Confidence in an activity comes through experience of that activity. This means practice and research, as well as good communication from your partner. The communication part can be both the easiest and the hardest. Criticism, both constructive and destructive, can be hard to relay back and forth, because both sides have a fear of rejection from saying the wrong thing or hurting someone's feelings.

Bunnie • Apr 17, 2022

Hi @moose man,

I always have so much respect for men who reach out to ask for ways in which they can better themselves. Females do it incessantly lol, men not so much. They more often tend to struggle along quietly. So, firstly I wanted to say kudos to you for reaching out and asking a super difficult (and vulnerable) question

You’ve stepped into what I consider to be a tricky journey. Going from a marriage situation into BDSM and trying to bring in structure where there previously perhaps wasn’t any, is no mean feat by anyones standards. That can definitely be a confidence crusher… especially for the one trying to create and implement the structure. I haven’t experienced this firsthand myself, but I have observed it a lot over the years.

I think with anything, a good way to build confidence is to start small. Start with doing one thing, well. Whatever it may be. Practice, practice, practice. But remember… practice doesn’t make perfect… practice makes habit. So it’s important also to make sure that the practice is precise, so that the habits you both form are what you want. Then, once you feel confident that that one thing is how you want it to be, add another. Remember, this is a transition for both of you. It will take some time for you to both create a new foundation of trust in each other. The beautiful thing is that you already have an existing one there to build from. On the flip side though, in some ways you have a harder job than Doms beginning from scratch with someone, because you have to shift how your wife (and yourself) perceives you, from husband to Head of Household (or in your case, Daddy). This will take a lot of time and patience and forgiveness and self-discipline, both towards each other and yourselves.

We build confidence when we do something well, and when those around us help to lift us up. Celebrate your small successes together. You’ll get there

PaNdEmIc • Apr 17, 2022

Confidence is a tricky thing. One without confidence is perceived as a weak individual, whereas someone with a great deal of confidence can be perceived as arrogant.

With that said, everyone who has posted replies to this question has GREAT advice.

I'll add my 2 cents worth just for running my mouth sake. There are a multitude of ways to gain confidence.

The best advice I can give is to come up with your own process, your own ways of doing things, your own style. Build confidence in what you you know, what your capabilities are. If you have come up with your own way of doing things...you are the master of that way of doing things. Master it, just like everyone else said...practice your ways. The wonderful thing about this community is there contrary to popular belief, there are NO rules or ways of doing things except for what you make for yourself and your own dynamic. You see something you like? You can take it, tweak it, make it your own. And in doing so, create your own "thing" and all at the same time, you are building confidence to know, you are becoming proficient in what you enjoy. The main thing to understand is to leave inhibitions at the door and have fun with the journey.

Nomad Huzdom​(dom male) • Apr 18, 2022

Self-confidence is not "hard wired" to your past or present experience, it's a belief projected in the future.
Self-confidence is : the positive self-trust that in the 𝗳𝘂𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲, one 𝗰𝗮𝗻 achieve some goal.

So my advice to you is, what you did already.
By asking this question, you are willing already to do what is needed to achieve your realistic goal.
You had a self-reflection, self-awareness of your need, followed by a humble desire to learn and do what is needed.
That alone is the exact reason why you should also "self-trust that in the future, one can achieve some goal".

In the event of facing an upcoming new issue that you didn't handle the best way,
you will only break it down and learn for it / from it, and keep self-confidence in the right place and future-oriented.
you don't need to lower your self-confidence, don't look back on it.

Another tip to overcome self-doubt, is to call it what it is - a doubt - and move on.

- 𝗢𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 : i am better anyway.
- 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 : i will get better anyway.
- 𝗟𝗼𝘄 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 : i can't be better anyway.

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You can use self-confidence as a "self-fulfilling prophecy", since this self-trust itself help you achieve what you trusted.
And that explain my choice of self-confidence definition.
ʍıuʞ ʍıuʞ
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Self-esteem (evaluation of one's own worth) also helps on self-confidence.
Having a strong but realistic source / measurement of worth, (Logic, Values, Religion...) ,
makes your evaluation of yourself hardly influenced by what people say,
both critics and compliments that don't fit with your "source" will not change that self-esteem evaluation you have,
when a critic fit, you just learn from it like mentioned above.

moose man • Apr 18, 2022

Thank you everyone for the help