Learning to kink safety, no partner yet: Boundaries?

Learning to kink safety, no partner yet: Boundaries?

red panda • Apr 19, 2022

For those of you who started out in scene on your own, but wanted to learn foundational skills on how to kink safely: what are some boundaries you set for yourself?

Particularly if you're someone for whom connection and aftercare are important and, ultimately, you'd like to focus on playing in intimate, committed relationship(s)?

For instance, I may take classes in certain styles of rope to learn the basics of how to bottom safely and what accommodations I need for my body, or connect with play partners to do some very basic play to try out different kinks, but with more formalized or casual setups, may not have access to things like a certain level of aftercare.

I'm thinking of "no sex to start" and maybe some firmer boundaries around how far I'm willing to go than I might within an established relationship, as well as supportive people outside of any dynamic to discuss and process experiences with. Also, planning for self- aftercare (after self-care?).

What's worked for you?

vultor​(dom male) • Apr 19, 2022

Hey Red!

Welcome to the world of kink!

When it comes to starting on your own, I would highly suggest researching and trying to understand how you feel about the things you know about. A saying I was told at the start of my journey still resonates with me, and is “A large house built on weak foundations, will crumble. But a small house built on strong foundations, will flourish.”

Going to workshops and munches can be really scary (especially if you’re on your own) at the start, but they are really good for creating a safe network of experienced kinksters around you.

Jumping straight into sex with a play partner you don’t fully know it’s not be for you, and especially when you’re currently dipping your toes into the ocean that is kink, I would always heavily recommend simply sitting down numerous times and talking about it all.

Grab a coffee with them, walk around the park, just make sure you both are on the same page about expectations, if there are strings attached, ect…

Safety for both people is paramount.

Miki​(masochist female) • Apr 19, 2022

... What he said.

It can't be overemphasized that especially in this environment, jumping in too fast can be hazardous. But actually with any relationship / dynamic (whatever label one wishes to apply) each has to get to know the other over a period of time. There's no one-size-fits-all for that of course but taking the time to see not just "the good side" is very important. All peole are multifaceted creatures and sometimes the not-so-shiny side can be an annoyance, other times it could be dangerous. You just can't be 'too careful".

That's not to say "be paranoid"-- Just be cautious.

For whatever what I wrote is worth, best of luck to you, take it slow and keep your eyes and ears open, especially if you mix it up with someone with "established twisted experience"